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According to the award-winning journalist, author of The Sicilian Inheritance and other bestsellers, and creator of the Under the Influence podcast, Jo Piazza, the whole point of the original tradwife movement was that they don’t work, don’t make their own money, and don’t have ambitions outside the home and are submissive to their husbands.
“It was originally a niche on social media that grew because it caused dissent—and social media loves dissent—and because much of the content was visually attractive and aspirational in its simplicity,” Jo told Bored Panda. “It has since grown to encompass a number of women who are cosplaying at domesticity to gain traction on social media.”
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“The actual percentage of women in the fifties who were living the way these tradwives claim to live now is incredibly low. And those women had no choice or agency in the matter,” Jo continued. “They couldn't apply for credit cards on their own or get a well-paying job that would support them to live well without a husband.”
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This one dropped out of Juilliard (although her husband finished his education, naturally), that one left her job at the courthouse as a judge's assistant (although of her husband hadn't left his job, naturally), that one wanted to travel and of course could not (although her husband made frequent business trips, naturally), this one loved sports but certainly couldn't indulge, as a wife and mother, in playing games, (although her husband never missed his days at the golf course, naturally) etc. All of them - every last one of them - had given up Some Thing they had loved or wanted in order to marry and have children, as society dictated they were supposed to do.
The men had not sacrificed anything that I ever heard them mourning over. The men could happily go off to deer camp for a week, the women might go to a 2 hour long Tupperware party presentation.
The wives took refuge in the spotless house and soap operas, mostly. There was a s***ide, a m*rder of a philandering husband, a few had to take pills "for their nerves", some of them were completely flummoxed when their husband died and they were faced with mysteries like writing a check or driving a car.
I always felt faintly sorry for these women. Now I look back and am horrified at all the lost potential, the wasted earning power, the abandoned ambitions, the thwarted dreams, the abnegation of Self that these women embraced because that's just How Things Are, my dear.
"Trad wife" of today does not seem anywhere close to all of that. They can bake their own bread and dress like Beaver Cleaver's mom, but no, it's not quite the same now as it was then.
According to the host of ‘Under the Influence’, the world is a disaster right now in every possible way, which is why there seems to be a trend based on a false nostalgia – a nostalgia for a faux version of America in the 1950s that never existed outside of sitcoms because people often find it comforting. “If we cling to this false nostalgia where women did not have agency or autonomy, we could roll back the laws that gave women that independence without even realizing what we're doing.
“My biggest fear is broadcasting these images to a generation of young women who I hope will find meaning outside of serving a partner and painting their faces to resemble a sitcom character,” Jo shared. “The majority of these women on social media are performing the idea of being a tradwife to make money. It’s all a scam.”
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She came to America in the 50’s after marrying a G.I. By the 1960’s she had two children. Right after she gave birth to her second child, she developed a really terrible pelvic infection. Like fever, sharp pains, hurt to pee, the whole nine yards.
Her husband was deployed so a neighbor friend drove her and all their children to the hospital. The friend waited in the car with the kids and she walked in alone. She explained at the reception area that she had just given birth and was in terrible pain.
The friend took her to own gynecologist who, after examining her, said that her pelvis was so infected he thought he was going to have to give her a full hysterectomy. She did end up having surgery but he was able to leave all her bits intact. Took her ages to recover and I nearly fell out of my chair listening to this story. We will never know, truly, how bad it was for so many women then. Stories like these don’t often get told and it’s a shame because these women were hard! The s**t they put up with is unreal.
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Unfortunately, according to Piazza, most people don’t realize that it’s all a scam. “Most young women don’t realize that it is all for show. Most young women will see these beautiful and idealized accounts and think that these women are truly submissive to their husbands or boyfriends, that they have given up their agency and ambition and their power.
“Many young women will internalize that message because there is no disclaimer on Instagram or TikTok saying, ‘This is just a performance for the algorithm so I can make money and get famous’. And that is why this #tradwife life is so dangerous.”
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According to the incoming assistant professor at Purchase College, Dr. Megan L. Zahay, the phenomenon of tradwives is a confluence of ‘girlie’ social media aesthetics and the alt-right. “In fact, some tradwife influencers have both real-life and online connections to known alt-right figures,” she pointed out. “One problematic aspect of the phenomenon is that tradwife content is rarely identified as such by its creators. Social media users looking for content about, for example, baking, femininity, or relationship advice may inadvertently begin consuming tradwife content which covers these topics but also has certain political goals.
“So while users may indeed enjoy an aesthetic baking video, they may also be exposed to messaging that defines ‘real’ womanhood according to an imagined and romanticized version of the mid-20th century housewife. This is problematic because tradwife influencers’ politics and connections to alt-right figures often go on behind the scenes rather than in the content that viewers see, despite the two being intimately connected.”
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Dr. Zahay added that it’s important to remember that much of what we see on social media is idealized, regardless of the creator’s political beliefs. “However, this becomes an issue when users are unknowingly exposed to persuasive political messaging. Hiding such ideas behind popular social media aesthetics can be dangerous, particularly to younger viewers who may be using these platforms to explore their identity and relationships.”
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* Have some job skills. Try to maintain them. Take a class or workshop now and then.
* Make sure your name is on EVERYTHING that is shared with your husband: The bank accounts, the house, the car, the bills, etc.
* Husband should do some tasks, mine has always been in charge of meals on weekends.
* Communicate clearly with your partner about your emotional needs. If you are feeling unappreciated, talk it out before it spirals into a bigger problem.
“So many of us are hungry for an identity these days; and many of us find that identity through our digital brands and through the likes and affirmations we get online,” Jo Piazza pointed out in an interview with Bored Panda. “The women in the #tradwife community just seem desperate to be a part of something, to be recognized for their efforts in the home and the domestic space. In a lot of ways this is a costume they are putting on. This is a performance. This is a way of saying ‘Hey, pay attention to me, I am doing something that has meaning’.”