The bar for women to be good wives is not the same as the bar for men to be good husbands. Our society still operates in a way that men doing domestic chores or taking on their load of parenting duties is still seen as something men get praised for, while women doing the same amount of domestic work is seen as the norm.
One man experienced just how low the bar is for some men. When his wife’s friend visited, she witnessed their usual domestic life. Yet his thoughtfulness, good husband, and good fatherhood somewhat shocked her—her husband was the traditional “man of the house” who left all the housework to his wife. But after a weekend’s visit, the friend was inspired to change her life and refused to put up with her toxic husband any longer.
A man accidentally caused his wife’s friend’s divorce by being a decent husband
While visiting them for the weekend, she witnessed how he contributed to the household and realized how toxic her own husband was
Many women are driven to divorce because their husbands fail to contribute to the upkeep of the household
It’s 2026, yet expectations for men and women in marital relationships still haven’t caught up to modern standards. Oftentimes, it’s the reason women ask for a divorce. Whereas sociologists once thought it was because women are more sensitive to relationship troubles, it’s now widely agreed it’s mostly because of the unequal share of domestic labor.
Women initiate about 69% of divorces, while men only 31%. Women also report unhappiness in marriage more often than women in unmarried relationships. Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, thinks that women nowadays have higher expectations of gender equality.
“Wives still take their husbands’ surnames, and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare,” he explained.
“On the other hand, I think that non-marital relationships lack the historical baggage and expectations of marriage, which makes the non-marital relationships more flexible and therefore more adaptable to modern expectations, including women’s expectations for more gender equality.”
That’s still the reality of the modern wife: delegated to do the majority of household tasks even when both spouses are working. In fact, a 2024 study found that mothers also bear the brunt of the “mental load,” managing seven out of 10 household tasks, including meal planning, organizing schedules, and doing domestic chores.
A SAHM with a husband who often works away faces loneliness and parenting challenges
The circumstances of the friend and her husband’s marriage in this story were a recipe for trouble. As a stay-at-home mother, she was bound to feel isolated and unappreciated. The husband’s work schedule as a long-distance shift worker also put a strain on the marriage, as Fly-In, Fly-Out workers can find it hard to stay connected to their loved ones.
Being a SAHM is not just about the stress of looking after the kids and the household — it can also be isolating as hell. A 2012 Gallup survey found that stay-at-home mothers are more likely than their employed counterparts to report feeling sad and angry, and are more likely to be diagnosed with depression.
Employed mothers are also more likely to report positive emotions, even more than employed women without children. Employed moms describe their life as “thriving,” while those who work and are without children are more likely to say they’re “struggling.” So, it’s not just motherhood and the workload that comes with it that breaks SAHMs — it’s the fact that they don’t get to take a break from the kids and the household.
When their husbands are Fly-In, Fly-Out (FIFO) workers, they spend even more time at home alone. And, just like in this story, the combination might lead to divorce. According to a 2020 study, 70% of male FIFO employees have gone through a divorce or a separation throughout their careers.
FIFO workers may need to put in more effort into building a healthy relationship with their spouse. A spokesperson for The Australian Institute of Family Studies, Elly Robinson, explained that constant absences can lead to loneliness, difficulty finding flexible jobs, and challenges with childcare.
Children also experience negative emotions as they become confused about parental roles and family decision-making. “Most families have tended to cope with the lifestyle but it does not suit everyone,” Eobinson noted.
“The bar is in the basement and some dudes would rather dig,” the guy wrote while answering comments
However, some people called out the guy for not considering the husband’s side of the story
