In the old days, in many countries, it was customary for there to be a significant age gap between the bride and groom. Sometimes this gap even reached 20 years or more. Today, if you look at the statistics, most often it is not just representatives of one generation who get married - the gap usually does not exceed several years.
On the one hand, this is understandable - often the life experiences and priorities of different generations differ. On the other hand, what can you do if two people love each other, even if their ages are very different? However, over time, strange situations can also arise here - like this one, recently described by the user u/baconelena.
The author of the post got divorced over a year ago and soon started dating another girl
Image credits: THIS IS ZUN (not the actual photo)
Both women were significantly younger than the author, 6 and 9 years respectively
Image credits: baconelena
The guy told this to his GF at the very beginning of their relationship, and the girl said that's not a problem for her
Image credits: Saeed Sarshar (not the actual photo)
Image credits: baconelena
However, after seeing an old photo of the man with his other ex-GF who was under 30, the girl suspected that she was way younger, probably even underage
Image credits: ThuongDaiHua (not the actual photo)
Image credits: baconelena
Real drama ensued, so the guy threatened to break up with her in order to avoid such unfounded accusations
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he is 33 years old, and his girlfriend is now 24. About a little over a year ago, the author divorced his ex-wife (who was seven years younger), and during one of the meetups, the future girlfriend herself walked up to him and started a conversation. They started dating, although the OP, in his own words, pointed out the age difference.
But the girlfriend, however, said more than once that she was not at all bothered by the nine-year gap, and for the whole year, everything was quite fine. Why did the author focus so much on the topic of age gap? Because, as he himself admits, this issue also bothered him in his relationship with his ex-wife, because they started dating when the woman was 19 and the man was 25. But over time, as the OP correctly notes, the gap got smoothed out.
And now we're getting to the point where the original poster started having relationship problems. One fine day, the girlfriend went through his phone and saw an old photo of him with one of his ex-girlfriends, whom the author had dated after the divorce and before starting a relationship with her.
According to the man, the woman was then 28 years old and worked as a lawyer. However, these words did not convince the girlfriend, and she stated that the girl looked too young and generally seemed even underage. This hit a nerve for the original poster, and he objected saying that underage people could not work as lawyers - but his partner was unstoppable.
The girlfriend said that she would be convinced only by looking at this woman's ID. Of course, our hero could not guarantee her this - he only suggested contacting this woman personally and asking her about her age. To this, the partner replied that the girl could have lied to him then, and would lie this time too. Word for word - and the GF accused the author of regularly dating girls far too young, recalling both his ex-wife and herself.
In general, it all ended in a quarrel, during which the OP even threatened to break up so as not to tolerate further 'accusations of a highly illegal and immoral crime.' Now, as the author says, his girlfriend is trying to be nice, as if nothing had happened, but the original poster, as they say, still has an unpleasant aftertaste in his soul...
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
“To be honest, I can’t shake the feeling that there is still some kind of understatement in this whole story,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment. “On the one hand, yes - accusing a partner of such things based only on your own view of a photo of a woman whom you have never met in your life is at least incorrect. On the other hand, the man here himself said that the topic of relationships with women way younger than him bothered him during his previous marriage as well."
“Perhaps there is something here that triggers this man somewhere deep in his mind, and it would be worth going to therapy to understand what it is and what the roots of this anxiety are. Because, to be honest, I don’t see anything wrong in a relationship with a large age gap - if, of course, these relationships are healthy and mutually respectful. Be that as it may, this couple, it seems to me, would do well to understand both their own relationships and within themselves too," Irina summarizes.
After all, age is not just the date on your ID card. “Most of the couples I know say that they feel like they’re the same age,” PsychCentral quotes Dr. Loren Olson, a psychiatrist in Des Moines, Iowa. “We have a chronological age, a psychological age, a physical age, and a sexual age. Age gap couples are frequently compatible in the last three.”
And yet, problems in relationships can also arise. “Differentiating energy levels, both up and down, decisions about whether to have children or not, and blending families can all create tension,” Psycom quotes the words of TJ Walsh, MA, a counselor and psychotherapist at The Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania . “In addition, a large age gap can create money issues if one partner is more established than the other.” However, such relationships can hardly be called healthy...
As for the commenters on the original post, they do have mixed feelings over the OP's narrative. On the one hand, people really note that the author's girlfriend behaved quite immature here. "Life experience is very different in-between your 20s and 30s," someone aptly wrote in the comments.
On the other hand, some commenters reasonably noted that the original poster actually had serious relationships with at least two women significantly younger than himself: the current girlfriend and his ex. "I understand the sentiment but you kinda do have a track record of dating women significantly younger than you Lol," such is another point of view expressed in the comments. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this particular case?
Most people in the comments, however, do have mixed feelings over this story, and their opinions are split
