Not every adopted person gets the chance to communicate with their biological family. According to the National Survey of Adoptive Parents (NSAP), only 36 percent of people get in contact with their birth families.
That said, it is understandable for someone to seize such an opportunity immediately. This was the case for a woman who found her biological mother after doing some digging. However, her adoptive family immediately blocked her intentions of fully reconnecting and even threatened to cut her off emotionally.
You will find the entire story below, which is quite a sad one.
Many adopted people wish to reconnect with their birth families
Image credits: Katie Lyke / unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman got to track down her biological mother after more than two decades
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, her adoptive family was against the idea of reconnection and even threatened her with emotional distance
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Trauma from adoption is often overlooked
Image credits: Valeriia Miller / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Many people who were adopted at birth will carry mental and emotional burdens, even if they don’t show it. That’s because a child’s attachment to their mother begins at birth, and having that relinquished leaves a wound that may or may not heal.
But since many of these people have likely grown adept at hiding their pain, the trauma from adoption can be overlooked.
“It’s not OK to bring puppies home until they’re eight weeks old, but with infants, we have this expectation that they’re just supposed to fit in and belong,” therapist Lesli Johnson tells Very Well Mind.
Some of these struggles may come in the form of hypervigilance, a condition often linked to PTSD. According to Johnson, it happens after that initial separation with the birth mom, where the child experiences high levels of cortisol.
The experience then creates a “tendency of reactivity” where the sense of danger gets ingrained in the child’s nervous system.
Issues may also arise when it comes to trust and forming a sense of self. As Johnson explains, the person may grow up wondering who will stick around, while also feeling like they don’t belong with both their adoptive and birth families.
While the author did not admit anything outright, she may have gone through a lot of mental and emotional turmoil after her birth mother abandoned her. Her adoptive family only made things worse by threatening to cut her off for trying to exercise her right to know her biological kin. Toxicity is the last thing she needs at this point in her life.
As mental health experts Dr. Joseph Spinazzola and Dr. Bruce Bassi tell Everyday Health, the refusal to show respect, empathy, and the acknowledgment of trauma is reasonable enough grounds to cut ties with toxic family members.
The author is of age and has a family of her own. She may be better off distancing herself from the toxicity in her life and continuing to pursue her intent on reconnection.
People in the comments had no shortage of advice for the author
