“My Family Thinks I Make My Money Crocheting”: 28 Secrets People Won’t Ever Tell Their Families

I actually enjoy pineapples on pizza. There, I said it. It's not a phase, it’s just who I am now.

That I’m in debt because my business is struggling (clients are struggling too so paying bills late) they think I’ve lost so much weight because I’m dieting when in reality it’s because I can’t afford food. Any money I get in I buy my dogs food so he never goes hungry. He always has a full belly and that’s the only thing that matters. .

That I love my dogs more than I do some of my brothers and sisters.

My buddy Jake invited me to his church’s trivia night, and I figured, “Sure, I’ll pretend to know Bible stuff if it means I get unlimited slices of pepperoni.” Things were going great until one trivia question asked, "What’s the fastest-growing Christian denomination?"

Being the self-proclaimed king of useless knowledge, I muttered, "Probably the Mormons. Those guys are grinding harder than a Call of Duty streamer."

Turns out, I was right. Pastor Dan, the youth pastor , overheard me and started asking questions like I was some Mormon historian. Now, I’m not Mormon, but thanks to a deep dive into Wikipedia after watching The Book of Mormon musical, I had random facts locked and loaded. So I started rambling about Joseph Smith, golden plates, and how Mormons don’t do coffee but somehow still have the energy of caffeinated squirrels.

Apparently, Pastor Dan was fascinated. He started asking me more questions, and since my brain is 80% trivia facts and 20% anxiety, I just kept going. I figured he’d forget about it.

Fast forward a few weeks: Jake tells me Pastor Dan has been deeply researching Mormonism... like, full-on studying their theology, reading the Book of Mormon, and apparently vibing with it.

Then, last week, Jake drops this bomb: "Dude... Pastor Dan just announced he’s converting."

I went to church for free pizza and accidentally built a Mormon.

TLDR Got free pizza, dropped some random Mormon facts, and now there’s one less youth pastor and one more guy preparing to bike across America in a white shirt and tie.

I make my living owning and running a small business that designs and sells custom plushies and apparel.

My family thinks I make my money crocheting, and I do make a few bucks here and there from my yarn work, but the absolute vast majority of my income comes from the custom made latex fetishwear and kink gear I produce.

That sometimes I wish my parents were divorced so that I could visit my mom without having to see my dad at the same time.


EDIT: Holy c**p, had no idea so many people relate to this! I feel a bit less like a freak.

I draw furry kink smut for a living and make more than I would if I worked full-time retail.

I'm my own boss, I work from home, and the clients are generally FAR kinder than when I worked for firms as a designer.


I just tell them I'm a freelance illustrator/graphic designer and "I'm working on" posting my work online.

I was a s******r for two years. Paid cash for college. 25 years later, no one knows.

The reason I didn’t have my mom come with me after I miscarried my baby was because after surgery I knew she would have asked for my pain killers. She made it always about her and she’s the reason I have so much trauma.

That I don’t really enjoy life but rather just existing when I’m not in their presence so essentially putting on a happy face when I’m around them. I would never self harm since I know how much that would hurt them but damn do the days feel long sometimes.

That I make a lot more money than they think I do. Worked in education for years and then went into consulting. I live beneath my means, rent a modest house, and have been able to build my savings. They all still assume I live on a similar salary and I just let them think that.

That I literally hate them all. They’re soul sucking leaches whom don’t care about anyone other than themselves. I’ve been there for them all emotionally and financially, as soon as I got a separation after a 9 year marriage they all disappeared. I’m starting my life over with absolutely no support. I just got into medical school and I haven’t told any of them because they wouldn’t give a s**t….

I secretly made millions and will never tell them..

I do not believe in God and I smoked weed with my youth pastor on Wednesday nights when you made me go to church.

Shoutout to pastor Dave.

Getting a vasectomy at 24. Sorry mom and dad, you can’t pressure me into giving you grandkids now.

I was a s*x worker for 2 years to help pay my husband's debts, buy a new car and get out of where we were living. More specifically men paid me to breastfeed them as I was 8 months post partum.
It's our dirty little secret because it got us to where we are now.

Wife and I were swingers for a time . Went to a large weekend party. At one point we see my parents checking in. Needless to say we made a quick exit.

That I’m attracted to black women……I come from a racist family.

If I’m being totally honest, I’ve probably skipped a few family gatherings just to binge-watch shows in peace. Like, you know when you just need me time? Yeah, I’ve used that as an excuse a couple of times. My family would lose it if they knew, but hey, sometimes you gotta recharge!

Most of them know I did escorting. Most don't know that the majority of my customers were lonely middle-aged gay men. I was not out banging tons of hot chicks or lonely hot mammas.