Some kids grow up learning to navigate bedtime routines and school schedules, and others grow up learning how to tiptoe around the wreckage of their parents’ failed marriage, which could be incredibly painful.
Today's Original Poster (OP) asked if she was in the wrong for telling her dad’s fiancée, who also happened to be the reason her parents divorced, that she would always pick her mom over her.
More info: Reddit
While the intention might be good, there’s something exhausting about someone who constantly pushes for closeness when the vibe just isn’t mutual
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author's father had an affair with another woman and ended up getting engaged to her
Image credit: Alone-Huckleberry560
Image credits: Gary Barnes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This left her with a strong dislike for the woman who has made it a goal to be equal with her mother
Image credit: Alone-Huckleberry560
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
While the relationship with her father has gotten better over time, he also convinced her to forget the infidelity and accept the new woman
Image credit: Alone-Huckleberry560
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, the author refused, so when the new woman dragged her to go dress shopping, she wasn't too excited
Image credit: Alone-Huckleberry560
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She was on her phone most of the time, and when her father's fiancée realized she was texting her mom, she got really upset
Image credit: Alone-Huckleberry560
The author eventually told the fiancée that her mother would always come first and that she didn't want to be close to her
When the OP was just six, her parents split because her dad had an affair with another woman. Although the relationship between her dad and the woman didn’t stick the first time around, or the second, or even the third time, they were back for round four—and this time, they got engaged.
Through all the breakups and reconciliations, the OP’s opinion never changed: the new woman was not welcome in her life, especially not as some kind of bonus mom. And while her relationship with her dad saw some improvement over the years, things remained awkward with the new woman.
The woman, for her part, was determined to win over the OP and maybe a little too determined. She wanted to be seen as equal to—or even more important than—her mom, which was never going to happen. The OP was polite but emotionally distant, and it drove the woman up the wall. Fast forward to the present when the new woman is now dress shopping and dragging the OP along for the ride.
Instead of sharing some heartfelt bonding moment, the OP was busy texting her mom, and that’s when the woman lost it. She grabbed the OP's phone, leading to a confrontation that ended with her in tears after the OP told her that her mother would always come first and that she didn't want to be close to her either. When her father heard about this, he was furious.
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According to Talk Space, infidelity can leave deep emotional scars on children, with lasting effects that go far beyond the initial betrayal. They add that kids of unfaithful parents are twice as likely to be unfaithful themselves later in life. They also reveal that based on certain studies, 75% of children feel betrayed by the cheating parent, 80% say it impacts their view on love, and 70% report general trust issues.
MedicineNet also affirms that step-parents often make critical mistakes when trying to bond with their partner’s children, especially after a complicated past like infidelity. Common mistakes include trying too hard to please or imposing one's own rules without agreement.
They also highlight that setting unrealistic expectations, overstepping boundaries as a step-parent, and taking things personally, are mistakes that are often made by step-parents, and so, instead of forming a bond, resentment deepens on the side of the step-child, making it harder for everyone involved.
In this situation, the OP is clearly expected to validate her dad’s relationship, soothe the stepmother's feelings, and let go of her own hurt for the sake of peace, which is what WebMD refers to as a form of parentification. This is described as a dynamic where a child is pushed to "grow up too fast" by taking on adult responsibilities.
Netizens showed strong support for the OP, affirming that she’s not a jerk. Many pointed out that the new woman overstepped by trying to act like a second mother and expected affection she hadn't earned. They also criticized the father for prioritizing his relationship over his daughter's feelings and history.
What do you think about this situation? Was the OP too harsh, or was she just setting a healthy boundary? We would love to hear your thoughts!
This left the fiancée in tears and the author, wondering if she was wrong for speaking out, but netizens all agreed that she did nothing wrong
