All my adult life, I was known as ''Nika Ostoic, blonde Playboy columnist, film actress and alt model''. But I quit it all because I've got a cyber stalker with up to 10 threats per day - for 3 years. Police did nothing - they laughed. As being a public person, I ignored it until third year when I was seriously afraid for my life. I ended up on local Crime TV in autum 2019 which made it worse because it was not well presented and people were laughing at me ''crying on prime TV''. It made it worse - me, a person who was scared for her own life was presented as some sort of reality TV joke. Now I have a law suit connected to that, and something broke in me and I can no longer see my blonde reflection in the mirror because it reminds me of that scared person who my mother asked if I want to change my legal name because every phone in our house was ringing and I didn't know how to hide. I spontaneously changed my image to Joker, yeah. Fictional character which gives me strenght and my reflection is different. I can't see that blonde scared person anymore, I hate that person. Now I look like a clown, I tattooed my hands and fingers and feel better lookin' as a sort of bad guy. This is what cyber bullying did to me. It did much more but I don't wanna talk about that online. It's enough to say that insomnia is a serious problem, my personal record of not sleeping is 21 days. Felt I'm gonna die like Heath Ledger.
I don't believe for real that I'm the Joker (laughs) but that weird sort of badass image gives me some sort of strenght. That imaginary strenght comes from random people lookin' differently at me. They don't look at me as a pretty woman and whistle, they look at me with ''wtf is this, a junkie or what'' look. I feel better that way. Ofcourse, I didn't draw ''a smile on that face'', it's not carnival, it's a street style Joker-like look. Inspired by Heath Ledger and Jared Leto. Friend's call me Harley Quinn, but that wasn't the idea. I wanted male strenght. It's my way of coping. I believe the phase will pass, but right now it feels good.
Cyber bullying should be taken seriously. Worked as a columnist for 14 years, I quit my job because I was afraid - afraid of bad people wanted something from me, most likely money. Now I'm not afraid any more, but it changed me. I'm not a person I used to be. From a friendly person I became a loner, sick of my country (Croatia), hoping I'll find job abroad and never look back to the country which failed me when they had to protect me. It sounds ugly when I say it, but I lost every respect for police because they didn't take me seriously when they really had to.
Agent of KAOS & Greedy Soul Tattoos (Jeffree Star & Jeffrey Dahmer are old)
Me in my ''other life'' which ended
Nika sporting leggings designed by herself: one tigh says Rotten, the other Damaged
Old blonde Nika
