It seems logical that people in a relationship should be equal partners in all areas. Sadly, that's not always the case. In some relationships, for example, one person becomes the main breadwinner while the other relies on their money. If that's agreed upon beforehand, it's okay, but again, it's not always the case. Sometimes, people tend to be pushed into these positions without agreeing to it. Just like today's OP -- they got tricked into paying all the bills in their relationship, and still, their girlfriend controlled even their smallest purchases while she wasn't doing the same for herself.
More info: Reddit
How should a person react when their partner doesn't let them buy something cheap when they buy something overly expensive?
Image credits: David Guerrero (not the actual photo)
The author's girlfriend quit her well-paying job to work for minimum wage at a supermarket, leaving the author as the one to pay all the bills
One day, the author wanted to buy a cheap air freshener, and the girlfriend denied it, saying it wasn't a necessity, but she bought 2 face creams costing over £50 each
Image credits: Stefan Grage (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: HoraceorDoris
That made the author decide to break off the relationship, especially when they also found out that she was cheating, so they left her to pay all the bills with her minimum wage job
Bored Panda reached out to the post’s author, and they agreed to provide some extra context for the situation.
Back in the day, the OP and their ex moved in together while his divorce was still ongoing, and the ex-wife was trying to get half of his assets. Since he didn’t want her to get a house, it was bought in the girlfriend’s name.
But the problem was that his current girlfriend was, in the author's words, “a whole red square's worth of flags.” Sadly, he was too in love to see it at the time. “The problem was that by the time this happened, I loved her, and she probably liked me, at best, but she piled on the charm until she could take advantage financially. It was slow and insidious, very manipulative, and the narrative was that we [would] buy a house and live happily ever after in it.”
Then, the girlfriend decided to quit her job, as she was in over her head and didn’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings due to that. "I wanted her to be happy and content, and [I] supported her as best I could, but she threw her dollies out of the pram and just quit."
"I wasn’t in a good place as far as expressing how I felt and dealing with someone with these issues. I came from a long line of people who just 'dealt with it.' I didn’t have the emotional skill set to cope and felt asking for help was a sign of weakness/failure."
Instead of this well-paying job, she got a minimum-wage one at a supermarket. The couple pooled their money in a joint account instead of paying equal amounts as before. So, basically, the majority of the mortgage weight was on her partner’s shoulders.
The woman also budgeted the joint account, and she gave her partner an “allowance” of around £10/week, as, in her words, he “didn’t have any outgoings.” The author couldn’t even afford to see his friends.
On that topic, he said: “I don’t think it was a cunning plan on her behalf. I just think she steamrollered me and lost respect for me for basically rolling over and giving in instead of digging my heels in and saying no.”
The final nail in the coffin of the relationship was when, one day, the OP wanted to buy a Homer Simpson air freshener that cost £1, but their girlfriend denied it. She said they can afford only the necessities, not some frivolous stuff. As this seemed fair, the OP didn’t buy it.
But then, later, he found out that his girlfriend bought 2 small jars of face cream that cost over £50 each. Apparently, this was a necessity for her, as she didn’t want to “look like a hag.”
That’s when the OP started planning his escape from this toxic relationship. They found out that none of the bills were actually in their name, so they stopped paying. If that wasn’t enough, a couple of weeks later, they found out that the girlfriend was also cheating.
Image credits: Tierra Mallorca (not the actual photo)
When the OP moved out, they presented their ex with a pile of unpaid bills and missed mortgage payments and told her that her new squeeze could pay them. Truly petty revenge, right?
The author expressed that while this was a painful experience, it was something that taught them a lesson as well: “To protect myself now, I have never had a joint account for bills or savings.
The joint account I have now is used to transfer money between me and my wife. I don’t have passwords to her account, and she doesn’t know mine. All bills are split between us pro rata, and particularly high or unexpected bills are discussed in a grown-up manner. I won’t accept huge financial decisions if they are unilateral. My attitude would be, ‘You bought it, you pay for it.' Thankfully, my wife feels the same way.”
People in the comments more than agreed with the post author's actions. They praised him for standing up for himself and possibly leaving his manipulative ex with crushing debt. Netizens were also hung up on the thought of the OP saying his ex's new squeeze should pay all the bills, as it seemed a very accurate and hilarious thing to say during such a nasty breakup.
And we, just as folks online, can fully understand the reasoning behind the OP’s actions. After all, being controlled on how you spend your money by the person who doesn’t earn it is not something everyone would like to experience.
As the author said, “Relationships are a two-way street.” This means that splitting the bills is something that should be talked about in the relationship. If it’s not possible to always split it 50/50 due to different incomes or financial commitments, there are many other ways to do that.
For instance, merging all the finances into one fund and paying from it, just like the couple in the story did. Of course, the manipulation of the “allowance” part should be excluded.
Doing the math and figuring out what kind of proportions each partner commits to paying is also a solution. Or any other thing that you can think of, as long as it doesn’t end up in one person making the money and the other one controlling it, just like what happened in the OP’s case. Thankfully, he is more than happy with his life right now.
The author also said: “Toxic, horrible, and narcissistic leeches are fine as long as they live their lives and leave me alone.” So, let’s all strive to live according to this message and avoid toxic people at all costs -- it’s not worth it to ruin your life over someone who just seeks to take advantage of you.
The folks online were fully supported by the way the author realized the petty revenge -- in their eyes, this girlfriend fully deserved all the debt
