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This isn’t the first time my husband has done this, and I know it won’t be the last. We have been married for 16+ years, and I am 7 years older than him. Yesterday, we went to my SIL’s home for our niece’s birthday party. Mind you, this is the 2nd time we have gone, and she lives in the mountains.
Fast forward, there is a stretch of very curvy road, and of course, the locals are used to it and drive like maniacs. I am afraid of heights and have developed bad anxiety due to the pain of two work injuries. He was taking the curves at 50 miles an hour, and my anxiety kicked in big time. I started off by asking him to slow down, but to no avail; he went faster and kept telling me he had it under control. His parents and nephew were with us, and saw my distress, but said nothing to him.
I asked him again to slow down, but of course, he didn’t
Image credits: Erik Witsoe (not the actual photo)
He told me the more I told him to slow down, the faster he was going to go. I then started yelling at him, and I told him I didn’t care if his family was with us, and that he better slow down. At this point, he kept telling me to “just shut up and quit making a spectacle of myself.” At that point, I held on, shut my eyes, and prayed while having an anxiety attack.
As we approached the street his sister lives on, I kept quiet. At that point, he started telling his mom he didn’t remember the street to turn on, and this person was refusing to tell me and speak to me. I told him what street to turn on, and we made it to the top of the mountain all while going 10 miles an hour and saying, “I am going slow just for you (me).”
When we parked, I was fuming and refused to get out of the car because I was infuriated with him and his family
Image credits: Lucia Macedo (not the actual photo)
His sister came out and asked why I was still in the car. They told her about my reaction, and she added, “I take those curves fast with the girls in the car.” Now mind you, everyone knows about my anxiety and my fear of heights, but I felt completely dismissed, disrespected, and alone at this point.
He then got mad that I wasn’t getting out of the car, and he started cursing. I got out of the car and started walking down the mountain in sandals. I must have walked 2 miles when he came looking for me. He kept asking me to get into the car for my safety’s sake and because I was hurting myself. I kept walking until my foot gave out on me. We went back, and his mom came out to try to speak to me because, of course, I was embarrassing them in front of her boyfriend’s family.
At that point, I just let loose. I told her and him that I wasn’t going to calm down, that I was tired of his shenanigans and them never saying anything to him. We are Hispanic, and my family, no matter if it’s aunts, uncles, cousins, or nieces or nephews, always say something when we see someone is doing something wrong or hurting someone. I asked her, why didn’t she say something when they knew he was upsetting me and causing me mental and emotional distress. She came back with, “What did you want me to tell him?” I said, “Aren’t you his mother?”
I then said, I don’t care how other people drive these roads or if they kill themselves while doing it. I have 4 kids and my 93-year-old father at home to take care of (I am 53). My husband then acted like the victim when I told her that it wasn’t fair that her son should start cursing at me because I wasn’t acting like nothing had happened on the way over there.
I then left again, and at that point, my husband said, “Leave, see if I go after you this time,” all the while holding a beer in his hand
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
This time I was able to find a bus shelter, where I broke down crying and praying to God to help me find a way home. There isn’t any signal for T-Mobile phones, so I was stuck. I saw him drive past me. I guess he thought I was going to be walking along the road like I did the last time.
I waited another 10 minutes before I decided to go back. At that point, he was coming around the corner and asked me where I had been, saying that he was looking for me for the past few minutes. At that point, I told him, “Why should you care?” He told me to get in the car, that he was going home and leaving his family with his sister. I got in, and we haven’t spoken since. Please advise.
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