My daughter(39) and I stopped speaking after Christmas of 2018 except for a few months in 2020 and 2021 when my dad, her grandfather found out he had cancer. For his sake I tried to reestablish the relationship. It didn't work out. Now she is saying ITA because I didn't just blindly take her side in her mess of a life. In 2018 after being married for 9 years she thought it was a great idea to cheat on her husband. Then she started to tell stories about him and what a horrible person he was. Which she says justified her cheating. By the way before I go any further she has an alcohol problem. She would get drunk and pick fights with him. She is a mean drunk just like her father was. I would get phone calls in the middle of the night, she was drunk and she attacked him, threw things, broke things, punched holes in walls, stuff like that and he left the house to get away from her. I would then have to read her the riot act so she calmed down and he could return home.
So she starts cheating, they divorce. Now she is with a guy of another race. No big deal except she is lying about this guy. She wants everyone to love him. Only problem is no one does. Now we are all prejudice because he isn't white. Just for background information our family is mixed. I have Spanish and black cousins, hell my best friend(m) from the time I was 12 to his death in 2020 was black and i always called him my cousin from the day he married my closest cousin. So I considered her claims ridiculous. What I had a problem with is the fact he was in a gang, was a drug dealer and had a criminal record that was longer than I was tall, but she continued with her bulls**t. Cue the losing of every single person in her life from before him, including her hairdresser. The loss of the hairdresser is because she showed up for an appointment at 10am drunk and with booze in a cup. Classy. In the 5 years we have a dui arrest along with a fighting charge when she went to the exes house and broke in and tried to assault his mother while he was at work, harassing the ex by phone, text and even his work email. There have been so many things over these 5 years it would take a book to name it all. For my own sanity and well being I had to cut ties with her. She lies about everything and anything. She never takes responsibility for her actions. Everything that has happened in her life she blames on everyone but herself. So she is hating on me because I wasn't " her person" that she could count on unconditionally. To this day she stills talks crap about me. For my own mental and physical well being I had to cut ties. AITA?
#1
I think you can only take as much as you can. If you think you have done everything you could to help her then it's not your fault at all. Sometimes we need to cut ties with people if relationship is toxic, even family
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#2
NTA. No, you're not wrong to cut ties. It's heartbreaking, but she's a destructive force who, it seems will drag anyone into her chaos. If she's not ready to get help, there's not much you can do without enabling her and getting hurt in the process. I will say this, I was the daughter that was destroying my life with drugs. It took years, but I finally got help. And my mom was there. So please, if she wants to get help, be there for her. She'll need the support. But until then, I hope the best for you and your daughter.
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