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I grew up in a chaotic household. My parents divorced when I was 8, and my older brother “Mark” was 13. He took the divorce extremely personally and blamed our mom for everything. He became angry, resentful, and honestly scary to be around. He used to scream at her, punch walls, break things, and once he even shoved me during an argument they were having.
When he turned 18, he moved in with our dad and completely cut ties with us. No birthday calls, no texts, nothing
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
He never checked on me once, even though he knew things at home were rough. Mom was working two jobs, I basically raised myself, and the whole time he pretended I didn’t exist.
Fast forward twenty years. I’m 30 now, married, stable, and genuinely happy. Out of nowhere, Mark reaches out on Facebook
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
His message was short: “Hey. We should reconnect. I want us to be family again.” That’s it. No apology, no acknowledgement of what happened, nothing.
I didn’t respond right away. A week later, he messaged again saying our dad told him I’ve “grown cold” and that it’s “time to fix the family.” He made it sound like I’m the one who created the distance.
I finally replied and said I wasn’t sure I was ready. That twenty years is a long time and a lot of hurt was never addressed
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
He blew up. He said I was being dramatic, that we were just kids, that life is too short to hold grudges. He also said his mental health had been bad recently and that “family should step up.”
I told him I was sorry he struggled, but it wasn’t fair for him to disappear for two decades and expect to walk back into my life without ever acknowledging what happened. He left me on read, then our father called me to say I’m “punishing” Mark and being heartless.
Now my dad and brother are both guilt tripping me, and I feel awful, but also… he abandoned me when I needed him. I don’t know if I owe him anything.
AITA for not wanting a relationship with my brother after he ignored me for 20 years?
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