I (F35) have been married to my husband (M39) for four years. He has two lovely children from his previous marriage, and I've developed a strong bond with them over time.
However, his ex-wife has become quite a challenge. She tends to be disorganized and often makes impromptu requests, expecting us to adjust our plans without much notice. Despite this, I've always tried to be understanding and accommodating for the sake of the kids.
Recently, we had planned a romantic weekend getaway with my husband that I had organized months in advance
Image credits: Alev Takil (not the actual photo)
I made sure to inform everyone, including my husband's ex-wife, about the dates well ahead of time. She acknowledged it but didn't confirm anything until a week before the trip.
His ex-wife suddenly announced that she needed my husband to take care of their children on the days we were supposed to be away because she had to work those days
Image credits: 2H Media (not the actual photo)
I was taken aback and frustrated because I had explicitly mentioned these dates as unavailable to her previously. My husband, being torn between his responsibility as a parent and our trip, decided to cancel it to accommodate her request. This not only disrupted our plans but also left me feeling disregarded.
I had a conversation with my husband, expressing my disappointment and explaining that I felt my efforts to plan and communicate were being undermined
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
I firmly stated that I wouldn't change our plans and I would be going on that trip with or without him. My husband was upset with my decision and for not being more flexible and understanding. He argued that it was for the sake of the kids and that we could plan the trip to go to next time, but I feel it's unfair to constantly disrupt our plans because of her last-minute changes even if it is work-related. I guess I would be more forgiving if I didn’t see the pattern.
Therefore, I decided that this time I have to stand my ground to emphasize the importance of respecting each other's schedules and commitments. I believe it's time for his ex-wife to take responsibility and find suitable alternatives when she overlooks the dates I've already mentioned as unavailable.
So, am I being unreasonable for refusing to cancel the trip at the last minute to accommodate my husband's ex-wife's requests?
Edit: she works as a photographer and she can decide whether to take the job or not. I get that it is her livelihood, but that is why we plan ahead of time.
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