71 Stories From Bartenders That Sound Too Crazy To Be Real

I overheard two doctors at my bar discussing how they only treat symptoms and never the actual problem anymore. If they do try to treat the problem, they get red taped by insurance companies or reprimanded by the hospital itself.

A woman was planning her dog’s birthday party, and was debating which dogs to invite since some of the dogs didn’t get along with her dog.

No joke January 2020 i was bartending a conference for Doctor’s and heard some talking about “something happening over in China” and hoping for it to make its way over here to get it over with.

Not a rumor, but my almost 80 year old customer said “My wife said I need hearing aids. I asked her why and she said, BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HEAR THE SAFE WORD!” Thanks for the laugh, John.

Not a rumor, but last night I got to listen to a middle aged German foreign national explain to a middle aged, American couple the parallels between his country’s history and our own country’s current events. Once the conversation steered towards WW2 history I had to step away or else it would’ve been obvious I was eavesdropping!

A customer is on the phone in the middle of the bar, not too crowded but a long bar. Guy couldn't have been more than 25. I go to help someone at the end of the bar and on my way back I overhear:

"No, I don't care! She's my sister, she is THIRTEEN and there is no reason she should be doing illegal substances! At all!"

Gave him a few drinks on the house that night.

I've heard discussions on if my chest is real.

Listened to a couple in an open marriage and apparently bi scout out the picking for the evening.

Listened to tons of people telling their SO that they were working late. One guy even met a date later.

Listened to a couple have a very intense whispered argument about custody. I assumed a kid. Turned out to be a cat.

Listened to a couple guys plan how to rob me.

Bartending was fun I miss it sometimes.

A regular of mine recently told me all of these “second homes” and “air bnbs” out here on Oahu have been vacant for so long that when he goes to do any inspections or repairs the units are destroyed from rats coming up from the toilets. He says you see their footprints and turds everywhere and they chew up whatever they can.

These siblings (aged 50-60’s) arguing over their (not even passed and in fact present at the table) mother’s will and who gets what. It ended in a heated argument and the son speeding off.

What happens a lot while working in bars is that you overhear small snippets of conversation that sound really weird taken out of context. Stuff like:
- The best way to steal eggs is to pretend that they are something else..
- The dogs wouldn't stand a chance against Bruce Springsteen in his prime...
- I don't know if she can swim, but she bought sandals in the 90s...

I usually entertain myself making up stories about these conversations.

On Valentines day this year, we had a guest who accepted a face time from his girlfriend while his side-chick was with him at the bar. He angled the phone so his girlfriend wouldn't see the girl, but it was so obvious.

Word on the street at my bar is American professional sports games are being thrown by players and/or refs due to sports betting. For example the NFL, every year I over-hear more and more people casually say to their friends “The game is rigged”.

The owner of the bar is hooking up with a 22 year old server and paying for her apartment money walks I guess.

Not a rumor, but a something weird that happened last week while I was bartending.


Someone got drunk and start boasting about his 'Very small pp' to his friend. He kept saying "very tiny", "very macro". He then proceeds to lower his pants and show it to everyone in the bar. Lol.

Had a nurse telling his colleagues that vegan meats are going to cause huge societal problems because they are structurally the same as human meat. And apparently once people acquire the taste for human meat, it’s an insatiable hunger they can never let go of and are going to naturally desire eating other humans.

I hope to never see him on his working hours.

Back when you kept a news paper on the bar...

Guy walks in and goes straight for the paper. Looks in one section then the other. Places paper down.

I asked him if he found what he was looking for, and he said no. His ex isn’t passed away or in jail. Then he asked for a beer.

These three middle aged women (alone at the bar) discussing in excruciating detail their adult fantasies, which seemed to include “being with a younger man.” I was 22 at the time. They obviously knew I could hear them but it was so awkward. I stood there cutting the hell out of lemons and limes.

I overheard a guy telling his friend that he was going to have intimate time with that bartender (pointing to me). He proceeded to say, “she might not be there, but I am still going to.”

“There’ll be handcuffs, bagels and, streamers, my kind of party”.

The Epstein Files are not going to go away.