There are a thousand details to work out when planning a wedding. But one of the most important pieces of the puzzle is making sure that all of your closest loved ones can attend. This requires giving them plenty of notice about the big day, but it also means that they’ll have to be flexible and willing to adjust their schedules to accommodate the happy couple.
One bride recently reached out to Reddit asking for advice after her father tried bribing her to change her wedding date. Now, she’s wondering if she was wrong for choosing the date she did in the first place. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as conversations with the bride and Mike Colburn, author of The Thinking Cup blog.
This woman was thrilled to finally set a date for her wedding
Image credits: Rene Terp/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But now, her family is trying to pressure her to move the wedding to accommodate their religious beliefs
Image credits: Lukas/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
After reading the responses and speaking with her mother, the bride provided an update on her situation
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Image credits: Leonel Caicedo/Pexels (not the actual photo)
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"It is never easy when someone assumes the worst of your intentions"
We reached out to the author of this post to find out more about this situation, and lucky for us, she kindly answered a few of our questions. First, we wanted to know if anyone else in her family had left the church. "I am the only one in my immediate family who left the Seventh-day Adventist church," she told Bored Panda. "I have an aunt who also did."
We were also curious to know whether or not there were ever conversations about her parents helping out financially with the wedding. "My fiancé and I were always planning on paying for it," the bride clarified.
Finally, we wanted to know what she thought of the replies to her post. "The commenters were mostly very helpful, and I enjoyed reading them all," the author shared.
However, not all of the replies were kind. "Some of the comments assumed that I did it out of spite, so that my family would not attend. This was a little hurtful because it assumed the worst of me," the bride added. "It is most hurtful, though, that my parents assumed this, as I have grown up so much and thought that we have gotten closer and grown past that. It is never easy when someone assumes the worst of your intentions."
Image credits: wendel moretti/Pexels (not the actual photo)
"[Seventh-day Adventists believe that] if a person openly chooses not to worship God on the Seventh-day, then they are choosing not to honor God"
There are plenty of factors couples can take into account before sending out their “Save the Dates,” but should their parents’ religion be important enough to impact their wedding date? At the end of the day, it’s up to the happy couple to choose when they’d like to tie the knot, especially when they don’t practice the same religion as their families.
To hear the perspective of someone who has recently left the Seventh-day Adventist church, we reached out to Mike Colburn, author of The Thinking Cup blog. Mike left the church after being an Adventist for 43 years, and he was kind enough to provide an explanation for why Saturday is so special for Adventists.
"Seventh-day Adventists believe that the Sabbath was instituted by God through His actions at creation in Genesis 1-2. Since God rested on the Seventh Day, and Saturday is the Seventh Day, we should honor the Sabbath as stated in the Ten Commandments and rest on the Seventh Day as God did during creation," he shared with Bored Panda.
"Since the Seventh-day is a part of the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20, and Adventists believe that the Commandments are still binding on ALL humanity, the Sabbath is required. If a person openly chooses not to worship God on the Seventh-day, then they are choosing not to honor God and, therefore, are worshiping Satan," Mike continued.
"Because they believe that the Sabbath is binding on all humans, they also believe that it is the Seal of God that is discussed in Revelation. The opposite, worshiping on Sunday, is the Mark of the Beast," he noted. "This is obviously a very short summary of their stance and honestly doesn't do it justice... But the Adventist teaching on the Sabbath, because they believe it is a sin if a person chooses NOT to worship God on Sabbath, causes the Seventh-day Adventist Church doctrines to be at odds with Orthodox Christianity."
So what exactly are Adventists allowed to do on Saturdays? "The answer to this depends on how strict of an adherence an Adventist is raised in, the church they are attending, and whether they are staunch Ellen G. White followers, Seventh-day Adventist's founder and prophetess," he shared. "When I was growing up as a child, I wasn't allowed to swim on Sabbath, couldn't attend worldly things, couldn't play sports, or throw a football on Sabbath. Even today, my parents, who are staunch Seventh-day Adventists, refused to attend my twin girls' piano recital because it was on Sabbath, and they were playing secular songs at it. Really sad!"
"Anything that is considered work is not allowed on Sabbath, but it depends on how rigid the parents and church that they attend are"
Image credits: Brett Sayles/Pexels (not the actual photo)
"Most of the time, SDA weddings are held on other days than Sabbath, but when they are blended homes coming from different backgrounds, it gets weird," Mike told Bored Panda. "An Adventist pastor won't marry a couple inside of an Adventist church unless they are both Adventists. (There are exceptions to this depending on the pastor.) I have attended weddings on Sabbath as an Adventist, but when I was a child, my parents wouldn't allow it."
"Anything that is considered work is not allowed on Sabbath, but it depends on how rigid the parents and church that they attend are. So, the concept gets very nuanced and convoluted," he noted.
Mike also says that it's possible to maintain relationships with family members who are still in the church, but it's very difficult. "The reason is that Adventists see those who leave the Adventist Church as Apostatizing and are considered a part of Babylon now. They aren't a part of God's True Remnant Church, the SDA Church," Mike explained.
"On the one hand, the family member that has left is 'lost,' but on the other hand, they love the family member and want them to come back to the fold. It is very cultic in the way the relationships interact. Again, this also depends on how rigid the beliefs of the parents and family members still inside the Adventist church," he added.
"There is almost always a major strain on the relationships. We left the Adventist church in the last 6 months, and almost ALL of our Adventist friends no longer associate with us. We have experienced all kinds of hate, shaming, gossip, defamation, etc.," Mike shared. "This is why most Adventists, when they leave, do it quietly and don't want to be noticed."
If you'd like to learn more about this topic, feel free to visit Mike's blog. "I do constant research on topics and try to share how the Adventist line of thinking and beliefs differ from Christianity," he shared.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this bride was right for standing her ground? Then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes, look no further than right here.
Later, the bride responded to a couple of readers and provided more info on the situation
Many readers assured her that she had done nothing wrong
However, some thought that the bride should have considered her family before deciding on a day
