When it comes to family, you’re almost obliged to go the extra mile, since blood is blood, after all. But there are still limits to how much you can reasonably be expected to give when a family member comes asking for a favor.
For one man who reluctantly agreed to be the photographer at his aunt’s wedding, enough was enough when she repeatedly blew off his $300 bill. So, nearly a year after the big day, he decided to delete the pics to teach his aunt a lesson. Now his mom has turned to the web to ask if that was a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Woman’s son, 24, had reluctantly agreed to take photos of aunt’s big day
Image credits: Chris (not the actual photo)
Nephew was only charging $300 for hours of work during the ceremony plus days of editing time afterwards
Image credits: Orhan Pergel (not the actual photo)
Months went by with no word from the aunt about paying his photography fee
Image credits: katemangostar (not the actual photo)
Aunt kept pestering nephew about pics, but he wouldn’t budge without payment
Image credits: u/Oddly_quirky
Nephew finally had enough and deleted all the wedding pics nearly a year after taking them
OP begins by saying that, although her son isn’t on Reddit, she had his permission to post the story to the popular social platform. In her post, she goes on to paint a picture of an entitled but mostly absent sister and a son who stood his ground on a thorny issue.
Apparently, her son had been asked by her flaky-at-best sister to take photos at her wedding. Reluctantly, the guy agreed, and said it would cost her a mere $300, way less than what a professional photographer would ask for. While the woman admits her son is no pro, he did spend four years at college studying photography and has a few awards under his belt.
OP goes on to say that her sister has a track record of saying one thing and doing another, but agreed to pay her nephew the $300. Fast forward to the big day, and the nephew arrived early to get those ‘getting ready’ shots, shot the whole ceremony and reception, and spent days afterwards editing the pics.
Two weeks later, despite not paying yet, the guy’s aunt wanted to know where her pictures were. Her nephew explained that the pictures were ready to hand over, but only once he got paid. The aunt replied that she’d get back to him. About 8 months later she still hadn’t paid but asked for her photos again.
The nephew responded by saying the photos belonged to him until he got paid, but his aunt tried to pull the ‘hook your aunt up’ card. The nephew doubled down with a firm ‘No money, no pictures’ reply. The aunt went off in a huff, but still didn’t make any arrangements for payment. So, about a month later, the nephew took matters into his own hands and deleted all the photos.
OP went on to add that, ever since the wedding, the aunt has practically disappeared from their lives, preferring to spend all her time with her new hubby’s family. Even when OP was going through a divorce while their mother was simultaneously having a health scare, she never heard a peep of concern from her entitled sister.
Things really came to a head when, approaching the first anniversary of her wedding, the aunt again asked about the pictures, since she wanted to have a few printed out as an anniversary gift for her husband. That’s when her nephew’s mom told her the bad news: all the pics had been deleted.
Well, the aunt lost it, acting completely shocked and appalled. Her sister then asked her if she would’ve left a professional photographer hanging for nearly a year. The aunt responded with, “But we’re family!”, despite showing no interest in OP’s kid’s lives while they were growing up.
The enraged aunt then asked OP if she had any pics of the big day on her phone, to which OP replied that she did, and sent them to her. Still, OP said, they would never be as good as the shots her son took. OP’s son has since admitted that he feels kind of guilty about it.
In an update to her original post, OP went on to say that her sister and son aren’t on speaking terms, but that her son isn’t too bothered by that. She also thanked the community for their support - apparently the nephew feels much better about his drastic move after reading the comments.
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
From what we can deduce from OP’s post, it certainly seems as though the aunt is way too entitled and is quick to play the ‘family card’ when it suits her, despite being absent for much of OP and her kids' lives. Although they might be better off without her, there are ways to deal with a toxic family member.
Toxic behaviors run the gamut, says Sharon Martin, a licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, CA. According to Martin, some common traits of toxic people include:
- Not showing concern for your feelings, needs, or rights
- Violating your boundaries over and over
- Acting entitled
- Feeling the rules don’t apply to them
- Making unfair demands on you
“Toxic behaviors exist on a continuum,” Martin says. “Truly toxic behaviors are part of a pattern of maltreatment or lack of regard for others. They aren’t isolated incidents.”
Toxic people rarely change their behavior, or want to. “They may lack self-awareness or respond with denial when confronted with their poor treatment of others,” adds Martin.
Martin’s suggested tactics for dealing with a toxic family member include setting clear boundaries, making your needs and feelings known, keeping your emotional distance, staying away from old battles, and taking good care of yourself both physically and emotionally.
When Bored Panda caught up with OP to ask her if she was surprised about how much attention her post got, she had this to say, "I thought I'd get a couple of responses that might relieve his guilt over the situation, not dozens and dozens of responses with some very creative, devious, and petty ideas!"
When asked if she had any advice for people facing a similar situation, she added, "I would advise them to take the advice of dozens of Redditors, some who are pro photographers, and always get that contract signed! Even for a family member."
We also reached out to medical writer at WebMD, Janie McQueen, to get her expert opinion on the matter. To the question of who she thinks is being more unreasonable in the scenario, she replied, "I think the aunt was counting on playing the "family card" all along and was shocked when the nephew stood his ground. She meant to take advantage of him."
We asked McQueen whether or not she though the nephew acted too drastically. On this point she says, " I think the nephew is a young man who was tired of being used and coerced. Acting in anger and disgust at continued harassment from his aunt is not unexpected and, in my opinion, forgivable for a young person who contributed his talents, time, and education to take pictures at the wedding."
McQueen added one piece of advice for dealing with an entitled family member, "I'd say not to get into a business situation with an entitled family member -- or any self-centered person. In this scenario, the aunt is probably very skilled at getting her way and stringing people along."
What do you think of the family's situation? Was the aunt the actual jerk? Did the nephew act too drastically? We’d love to get your opinion in the comments!
Redditors sided with the woman’s son, with most emphasizing that this was a business arrangement and he deserved paying
