Starting a family and having kids is universally celebrated. However, the occasion often overshadows the non-zero chance of there being complications that might turn a joyous event on its head in a heartbeat. And it might not stop there.
A woman recently turned to Reddit to find out if she'd be wrong to name her soon-to-be-born daughter the same name that her friend chose for her kid who ended up being stillborn. Something she did not know until almost everything was said and done.
Trauma in a family might not stay concealed within it—it might just start seeping through the cracks and affecting other people
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A pregnant woman was wondering if her friend’s trauma should affect her choice of name for her daughter
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Image credits: Kelly Sikkema / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BabyNameThrowaway931
Opinions varied, but one thing commenters were sure about—that it’s probably best to choose a different name
Image credits: Aditya Romansa / unsplash (not the actual photo)
In a nutshell, this one woman has a friend who experienced a stillbirth and it has only now surfaced that the name she had chosen for her daughter is the same that OP chose for hers. This in turn led to a request to change the name, but OP refused, prompting a post on Reddit.
Folks were mostly divided between ruling that nobody is wrong and that OP is not wrong in her decision. While the friend can’t claim ownership of a name, it’s also not worth losing a close friend over it.
Whatever the case, people suggested to go with a different name, and, what is more, to seek therapy. For everyone, to be honest.
Bored Panda reached out to OP for more context on the situation. She explained that there were other attempts at contacting her friend, but with no luck. "I have tried contacting my friend to reach an agreement, but she is currently ignoring us," explained OP. "We decided we should give her some more time to herself, so we can all navigate and reflect on the situation, before trying to find a resolution."
"The Reddit community has been very helpful in gaining insight on other people's opinions," continued OP. "The majority of people have agreed that I would be justified in keeping the name - but I would be losing my friend in the process."
"A name that I associate with a new future for me and my husband, my friend associates with a traumatic past. Mothers who have gone through similar experiences as my friend have reached out to me and helped me consider things from my friends' point of view, and I realize that my daughter, who would have been around the same age as my friends' daughter, will be a constant reminder regardless of what she is named. Currently, I am thinking of using Adelaide as her middle name, but we haven't reached a final decision yet."
It does make you wonder whether the situation would be any different if the roles were reversed. OP speculated that her friend, being a headstrong and confident woman, would've likely not changed the name either, but—then again—OP wouldn't have asked in the first place. "However, I am fortunate enough to not know what it's like to lose a child, so I wouldn't understand how grief can affect a person," added OP.
Lastly, we asked OP what the most challenging part was in this whole situation. She had this to say: "The most challenging part is trying to be sensitive towards the trauma of a close friend despite not wanting to let go of the name my husband and I had already decided on for a long time."
For context, the issue is grounded solely in the women's social relations and ethics
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From a legal standpoint, OP has full right to name her kid whatever she wants. In an e-mail exchange with Bored Panda, Family Law Attorney Jody A. Miller Esq. confirmed that nobody can legally object to the name a parent gives to a child, and there is no legal angle or issue that could arise from this. So, the conflict is solely based on personal and social ethics.
For context, naming laws and regulations mostly deal with the contents of the names. So, no special characters or numbers, derogatory terms or offensive names, unique names and titles, that sort of deal.
Naming rules also state that, at least in the US, many states require a minimum of 2 names on a birth certificate, which are the family name and a given name. As long as they follow the rules above, they can choose any name, really.
Now, can someone object to names? Minus what the law says, not really. At least not when naming a kid for the first time. Now, when it comes to changing names, that’s a different deal.
In a nutshell, it is possible to object to name changes. But this generally applies in two cases: the person objectifying knows that the name change is done for illegal or fraudulent purposes, or if parents disagree on the last name once it has already been given and one of them attempts to petition for a change against the other's will.
So, legally, OP can choose the name she wants, but morally, ethically, and socially that might put her at odds with her friend. But what are your thoughts on any of this? Should OP’s friend just let it go or should OP cave? Or do you see another solution? Share your takes and stories in the comment section below!
Those who ruled the mom-to-be not in the wrong argued that she was neither wrong nor could she have known the name beforehand
Many folks said they don't see anyone doing anything wrong as all sides have some valid arguments
Yet, some did play devil's advocate and pointed out why the woman ought to oblige
