As the saying goes, you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. This little truth of life means that sometimes family members don’t always see eye to eye about everything, and that’s when tensions can rise. Settling issues that involve family can be a delicate process, especially when more than one family member is involved. It takes a fair amount of tact and diplomacy to keep everyone happy.
For one Reddit user, things came to a head when her close family decided it would be a good idea to adopt the first and middle names of her unborn baby for their new puppy. This was particularly surprising because she and her husband had only told the names to the grandparents, who swore that they never leaked the name. The miffed mom-to-be, r/AtotheeffingM, turned to the r/BabyBumps community to vent.
More info: Reddit
Mom-to-be miffed after family adopts her unborn baby’s name for their pet puppy, turns to Reddit to vent
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
After agonizing over finding the perfect first and middle names, the expecting parents were flabbergasted when their close family members revealed their puppy’s name
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Disappointed mom was trying not to be too dramatic, so instead of texting her family, she turned to Reddit for advice
Image credits: Tanya Gorelova (not the actual photo)
“At this point, I’m leaning towards just using it anyway. Neither of us owns the name...” says the mom-to-be
Image credits: u/AtotheffingM
The expecting parents are at a loss for what to do, but are considering just using the name as is
Everyone’s family is at least a little cray-cray, and while family dynamics are unique, there are some lines that just shouldn’t be crossed. One user recently took to Reddit with a post entitled, "FML - close family member just named their new puppy with our baby name."
In her post, OP details the specifics of the situation. Apparently, the expecting parents had kept the name a closely guarded secret, only divulging it to the grandparents. While the mom and MIL swear that they never leaked the name, they’re not exactly known for being discreet.
Obviously, the mom-to-be was more than a little irked but turned to Reddit to blow off some steam rather than risk confrontation by texting other family members. Says the expecting mother, “I’m disappointed but trying not to be too dramatic.”
In an edit to her original post, OP said that she and her husband were still debating and unsure of what to do. Since they’re having twin girls, they may use the name as is or switch the middle name.
OP says, “The two middle names we chose sound good with either first name. So it would solve the problem of having the exact name as a puppy.”
Coming up with a baby name that both you and your partner agree on can be a herculean task at the best of times. In a post for TodaysParent.com, Duana Taha writes that the process is fraught with expectations and pressure to choose a name with “meaning.” We can read our children hundreds of books, feed them heaps of nutrient-rich foods and enroll them in dozens of activities, but we can only choose one name.
According to Taha, “The stakes are high: The selected name announces our style, attitude and parenting philosophy—and it’s communicated via a person who cannot yet burp independently. A child’s name is an indelible part of his or her identity, which means the difference between Byron and Tyrone is way bigger than just a couple of letters.”
There’s also the fact that OP and her husband might feel betrayed by the actions of the grandparents - their trust was broken and that’s never a good thing, especially when it comes to family.
Image credits: Vika Glitter (not the actual photo)
The two middle names the parents chose sounded good with either first name
From OP’s post, it seems that her close family members acted in a selfish manner and had clear disregard for her and hubby's feelings.
Selfishness can be defined as the trait that leads people to frequently act in their own interests without any regard for how their actions could impact others. According to the American Psychological Association (APA) dictionary, the definition of “selfishness” is listed as: “the tendency to act excessively or solely in a manner that benefits oneself, even if others are disadvantaged.”
Some signs of a selfish person may include:
- Having no regard for how their behavior impacts others
- Consistently acting in their own self-interests instead of meeting the needs of others
- Having no empathy for the suffering of other people
- Showing no remorse when they’ve hurt other people
- Using manipulation tactics to get what they want
According to an article published on PsychCentral.com, if you have a selfish person in your life, you might feel overwhelmed or frustrated about not knowing how to communicate with them. It could feel like no matter what you say or do, this person continues to hurt you (either intentionally or unintentionally) to act in their own interests.
In a blog for PsychologyToday.com, psychotherapist, author, and teacher F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W. writes that if someone is being totally self-involved and uncaring about anyone else, they are not likely to be very responsive to you in any other way than evaluating how you meet their needs. With that in mind, Barth suggests four tips for dealing with a selfish person:
- Understand where they are coming from: If you can get behind the behavior and discover what motivates it, you’ll have a better chance of responding in a way that might make it less powerful.
- Don't take it personally: It’s a major coping tool for many different behaviors.
- Don’t assume: Be careful not to make assumptions that are incorrect or misleading. Find out exactly why a person is being selfish.
- Remember that a certain amount of selfishness is healthy: Healthy selfishness not only reminds us to take care of ourselves; it makes it possible for us to take care of others.
What do you think of OP's predicament? Are the family out of line for what they did? Do you have your own story of dealing with a selfish family member? Let us know in the comments!
The top Reddit comment put it into perspective: “Almost no one will know this.”
