Parenting,RelationshipsJAN 17, 2023

Man Asks If He's A Jerk For Calling Out Wife After She Ruined Her Friend's Baby Shower

For expecting mothers, the day of their baby shower is one of the most joyous days of their entire pregnancy. There is excitement about the new baby every step of the way, but it’s accompanied by morning sickness, swelling, hormones, constantly needing to go to the bathroom and potentially having to avoid some of your favorite foods and beverages. So on this one day, where all of your friends gather around to play games and celebrate the newest addition to your family, everything should feel right in the world.

Unfortunately for one mother who recently had a baby shower, one of her guests didn’t seem to know how to appropriately handle her own jealousy and sadness. Below, you’ll find a story that one husband recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, wondering if he was wrong for telling his wife she should have just left her friend’s baby shower before things got out of hand.

Keep reading to also find an interview with professional Baby Shower Planner Chrystal De’Gale, to hear more about proper baby shower etiquette, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring baby shower drama, you can find that right here!

After his wife caused a scene at a friend's baby shower, this husband is wondering if he was wrong for telling her she should have just left

Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

Image credits: A ndrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/wold-into

Image credits: Alex Jumper (not the actual photo)

The husband later included even more details about the mom-to-be

Having a baby shower should be an extremely exciting time for new and expecting mothers. There are typically games, gifts, delicious treats and plenty of time to sit down and gush over the mom’s soon-to-be little one. It’s a beloved tradition, and similar to how a wedding should be all about the bride and groom, a baby shower should be all about the mom and her bun in the oven. Everyone is attending to celebrate them! So that’s why, if you know attending a baby shower might be hard for you, it’s best just to skip it altogether or leave at the first sign of conflict, to avoid causing a scene like the woman in this story.

To learn more about how a baby shower should go down, we reached out to professional Baby Shower Planner for the UK-based company Before Baby, Chrystal De’Gale. Chrystal was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about the importance of throwing a baby shower. "A baby shower is a wonderful opportunity to show support for mum-to-be and often dad-to-be on the journey of pregnancy," she shared. "Since the beginning of time, many cultures have marked new life/motherhood in various ways and the baby shower is just another way to do this. After all, new life is a wonderful thing!"

"You don’t have to be too prescriptive about what a baby shower should involve, modern baby showers are primarily just a great way to get together as a group to show love and support to the celebrant, mum to be and unless exceptional circumstances that should always be the main objective overriding every aspect of the shower," Chrystal explained. "Particularly in the case of new mums, it’s a great time to offer well wishes and remind mum-to-be that she is cared for and supported during her pregnancy and beyond as she embarks on a new, exciting, but sometimes scary, phase of life."

Chrystal also shared some dos and don'ts of baby shower etiquette to ensure a successful event: Do check the guest list. "If the aim is for mum-to-be to be happy, make sure the guests that are attending are those that she will be happy with, and that there are no awkward pairings or seating arrangements that might cause issues. In the same way, don’t neglect to invite anyone that she might want there."

"Don’t feel pressured to bring an expensive gift," she added. "It’s really not important in modern baby showers, and there is much less of a trend to do a tedious round of opening gifts at the parties in front of an audience. Your presence really is considered a present, but it is sometimes nice to give a token gift for baby or for mum. But in this case, it really is the thought that counts, and meaningful gifts trump expensive ones."

"It’s important to bear in mind that mum-to-be is there to celebrate her pregnancy and that she should be the focus of attention," Chrystal told Bored Panda. "This is not to downplay the feelings of others, but this is her time to shine. Most mums to be are conscious of their friends enjoying the celebration, so guests should try not to upstage mum to be with their own concerns."

Chrystal also notes to remember that pregnancy is physically and emotionally challenging. "Whilst some mums might sail through without a hitch or hiccup, others may have their own struggles or may even be quite emotional - the baby shower is an opportunity to show support, but not to add stress with any planning issues, or their own concerns."

"Time your party and activities well, so mum-to-be isn’t physically too tired or uncomfortable to enjoy them," she added. "Don’t be afraid to change your plans and to read mum-to-be and the guests in the room to put a stop to anything that stops the shower flowing naturally."

Chrystal also says that, while baby shower games can be great, they have to be carefully thought through to account for the sensitivities of the expecting mother and her preferences. "Some groups may just prefer to chat or do something creative, so try to plan your activities accordingly to suit both mum-to-be and guests accordingly ... Don’t forget, much of the time many of the guests won’t have met before, so a great game or activity can help break the ice, but a tacky, awkward one can ruin a party and embarrass guests."

"Baby showers are meant to be a special and uplifting time for mum to be, not an added drama or something to endure," Chrystal told Bored Panda. "Every mum-to-be is unique - there is no one size fits all approach, and there is a fitting way of celebrating for every woman/family. Remember to keep mum-to-be’s needs and feelings at the heart of your celebration."

If you'd like to learn more about planning the perfect baby shower or hire a planner in the UK to help you along the way, be sure to check out Before Baby's website right here!

It is completely understandable for the topic of babies to be a sensitive one, for people who have struggled with fertility, had miscarriages or lost a child of their own, but on this day, that’s not the expecting mother’s responsibility. For all we know, she could have struggled with the same trauma and heartaches prior to getting pregnant with this child, so the only thing she should experience during her baby shower is celebration.

According to Medical News Today, 90% of couples who start trying to get pregnant conceive within one year, so the woman who began telling people she is “infertile” when they’ve only just started trying in September is being extremely insensitive to people who actually are unable to conceive. Her husband noted that a doctor told them she is fertile, so odds are, she will be able to get pregnant before September. And if not, her chances increase to 95% if they try for 2 years.

But we have no way of knowing how challenging it was for Mary to get pregnant with her child. It could have taken her years, and she could have been dealt a miscarriage, or more, along the way. According to March of Dimes, as many as half of all pregnancies may result in miscarriages, and about 1% of women have two or more miscarriages in a row. And aside from forcing couples to delay starting their families even longer, having a miscarriage can be an incredibly traumatic experience with long-term effects.

Aside from being rude, ruining another person’s baby shower is incredibly insensitive. We don’t know what sort of journey this woman went through leading up to this day, and it shouldn’t matter. Her baby shower should have been a celebratory day where her guests focused only on her and her new baby. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas, and then if you’re interested in reading another article featuring baby shower drama, you can find that right here!