When you become a parent, you often need all the support you can get from the people around you. And when there are two kids in the picture, that help becomes even more important.
That’s why this Redditor agreed to babysit her friend’s 4-month-old overnight—so the mom could spend some much-needed time with her older child, who was feeling jealous of the new baby. But despite their arrangement, the night didn’t go as planned. The babysitter ended up returning the baby early, not because he was difficult, but because of the mom herself.
Let’s just say, the mom wasn’t too happy about it. Scroll down to read the full story.
The woman kindly agreed to babysit her friend’s newborn so she could enjoy some one-on-one time with her older child
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But the night took an unexpected turn, and she felt she had no choice but to return the baby
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Kitchen6737
Image credits: Oleksa Rusanova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Separation anxiety can be overwhelming for new moms
It really is a tough situation. On one hand, it’s easy to sympathize with the mother who just wanted to make sure her 4-month-old was safe in someone else’s care. On the other, you can completely understand the friend’s frustration and her decision to return the baby early after a sleepless, stressful night.
Separation anxiety is no joke. While we usually think of it as something children go through, many adults, especially new moms, experience it too. After nine months of carrying a child and countless hours spent tending to them, the instinct to protect is incredibly strong. But when that protective instinct becomes overprotection, even small moments of separation can feel unbearable.
That’s because when separation anxiety hits, it’s not just a simple worry. It’s a flood of irrational fear that something terrible will happen the second you’re not there. Even when you know everything is fine, your mind keeps whispering, “What if it isn’t?”
Suddenly, that rare bit of me time (and according to one study, nearly a third of moms get less than 30 minutes of it a day) doesn’t feel relaxing anymore. Even something as simple as a grocery run can turn into an overwhelming experience.
One explanation for this response is the tend-and-befriend theory. You’ve probably heard of the human stress reaction known as fight, flight, or freeze, our body’s instinctive way of responding to danger. But that reaction is more common in dads and doesn’t fully capture what typically happens for mothers.
According to the tend-and-befriend theory, women often cope with stress by protecting their young (tend) and seeking social support (befriend). Over time, this behavior has been shaped by evolution: mothers who stayed close to their children and built community networks were more likely to keep everyone safe.
There’s a biological side to it, too. When moms nurture their babies, their brains release oxytocin, a hormone that calms the nervous system and eases anxiety. In other words, caring for a child literally helps a mother feel better. The problem is that when the need to “tend” becomes constant, it can spiral into anxiety that affects her well-being and relationships.
Image credits: Karola G / Pexels (not the actual photo)
What moms can do to feel calmer when apart from their babies
Luckily, there are ways to make separation a little easier. Calm suggests a few helpful strategies for moms learning to find balance:
Start small. If leaving your child for an entire day feels like a heart attack waiting to happen, begin with shorter breaks. Go for a quick coffee run or a walk around the block. The more you practice being apart, the easier it becomes for both of you.
Choose caregivers you trust. Knowing your baby is in capable hands can ease a lot of anxiety. Trust yourself to have chosen the right person. In the story above, that didn’t exactly go as planned, but paired with other strategies, it can make a big difference.
Set limits on check-ins. Reaching out for an update is perfectly fine, but doing it constantly can keep your anxiety running high. Instead, agree on one or two specific times to check in so you can have peace of mind without feeling glued to your phone.
Reframe your thinking. It’s easy to focus on what you’re missing when you’re away, but your baby is gaining something, too. They’re learning independence, building trust, and realizing that love doesn’t disappear when you’re not there—all essential lessons for growing up.
Create a goodbye ritual. Saying goodbye can feel intense, but a small, consistent ritual can help. Whether it’s a special hug, a silly handshake, or a simple “Mommy loves you, see you soon,” repetition makes it easier for both of you to cope with short separations.
Ground yourself when anxiety hits. Try slow, deep breathing: in for four counts, hold for four, out for four. Remind yourself, “My baby is safe. My baby is loved. I’m a good mom.” Focus on your surroundings—the sounds, smells, and textures—to bring your mind back to the present.
Give yourself permission to enjoy the break. You’re allowed to relax, laugh, or just sit in silence. Time apart helps you recharge and return as the best version of yourself.
In the end, separation anxiety doesn’t mean a mom is doing something wrong, it means she cares deeply. But learning to let go, even for a few hours, can make life a little easier for both parent and child. After all, calm, rested moms raise calmer, happier kids.
The author later shared more details in the comments
Readers felt she was right to handle things the way she did
