Someone Asks People Online To Share Parenting Tips That Might Sound Smart, But Are Actually Toxic Parenting Advice, And 30 People Provide

Sex is a dirty, embarrassing off-limits subject that they are never mature enough for you to discuss it with. Good way to ensure your kid grows up with some form of bodily insecurity and you're also leaving them to learn about sex/sexuality from their peers or the media, the two most destructive sources imaginable.

Tell your daughter "that boy hurt/teases you because he likes you!". Sure I get the surface idea of "making a negative seem positive". But it's a good way to end up confused as to how she ended up with an abusive boyfriend later in life.

I'm sure this'll get reddit readying their best super original "attack helicopter" jokes, but the whole "boys = blue/action toys, girls = pink/frilly princess things" needs to stop. Just let the kid be a kid. If he wants a barbie, cool. If she wants to play football, cool. Your kid won't grow up wrong if their room isn't colour coded and your child's masculinity/femininity is none of your business anyway.

Divgirl2 said:
If they are throwing a tantrum, distract them by giving sweet treats or a new toy.

[deleted] replied:
My nephew is two. Whenever he throws a tantrum, his parents say fuck it and give him candy because they don't want to deal with it.

When he throws a tantrum at my house, I let him cry it out for a little while then offer him water. Works like a charm. He stops crying, he learns to do what I ask him to when I ask him to, and we get to hug it out in the end.

Susim-the-Housecat replied:
Get ready to become his favourite person.

My nephew was the same and I was strict when i needed to be and kind the rest of the time. I swear every other adult in his life was the opposite, they'd tell him off for accidents and mistakes, or just from doing normal kid things, and when he threw tantrums, they'd give him sweets to shut him up. When his parents asked him to do things, it was always a struggle, so they always called him a bad kid. when I ask him to do things or calm down, he does it without question, and when we're together he's a freaking angel, he's not a bad kid at all.

Now I'm his favourite person because for a long time I was the only one that gave him the kind of structure and attention he needs.

Plus playing minecraft with him doesn't hurt.

Don't let your kids fail.

The worst thing we can do as parents is never allow our kids to fail. We only fail them, as parents, by never allowing them to face disappointment and are robbing them from the ability to learn some basic life skills. Let your kids fail, fall on their face, pick themselves up and rub the dirt off.

Always tell your kids to finish their food. This honestly just promotes obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle, although I get the idea of telling them to finish what's on their plates.

[deleted] said:
Have a second child so they can babysit each other

[deleted] replied:
Lol my brother is 9 years older than me. He was always supposed to be my babysitter.

When I was 6 (so Kiki, my bro, was 15), my parents went away on a trip and left him in charge with a list of chores.

Well, I ended up doing most of those and making dinner for us. And when I was done, I walked two blocks to my friend Anne Marie's to go play. Kiki was asleep, so I didn't tell him I was gone (it was like noon).

Kiki received a very angry phone call from Anne Marie's mother, who yelled at him that he needed to be actually watching his 6 year old sister. She also called Mom, who called Kiki to yell at him again. Poor boy cried!

14 years later and when it's just the two of us taking care of a task ... I'm still in charge. He may be my older brother, but sis is the one who gets things done. I love him to death though!

watermelonpizzafries said:
Kid is obviously being bullied on a playground. Adults brush it off as "kids being kids".

Pokabrows replied:
Or if a boy is bullying a girl and they say 'oh he just likes you'. Don't teach kids that people show affection by bullying. That's setting them up for bad relationships.

Not letting them date until after high school.
That one backfired on my parents in a big way lol

Edit: ok so I didn't elaborate because I didn't think that many people would be interested hah.

Technically, I wasn't allowed to date until after college. I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends very often during high school, so I would have to pick and choose what events I wanted to ask to attend because they would be angry if I asked too often. The easiest way to deal with this at the time was by lying or sneaking around- sometimes I would say I had an after school club to go to but that was hard because I would always need a ride home and my dad started work right after our school ended.

I ended up dating a guy in high school and since we were never able to go out on actual dates, he would just come over after school and leave before my parents got back for dinner. I did leave the house once in awhile but not very often because I was so paranoid about being caught and because we didn't have a car. So this leads to sex, which I was definitely not ready for or even want at the time (don't worry, it wasn't rape- he did get my consent although he didn't really respect my boundaries but that's not the issue here).

Anyways, I met my current SO in college and we've been dating 6 years but my parents only know about 1 of them sooo yeah.

Moral of the story is restricting me from boyfriends did not stop me from sex, and now I have trust issues with my parents.

goldilocks22 said:
My dad, a psychology professor, told me that if my child bit me, I should bite him back.

poorexcuses replied:
My mom hammed it up when we bit her. She would be like "Oh ow~! It hurts!!!! Why did you bite your mommy???" and we were like oh no oh s**t my mom is sad I f****d up. Babies aren't so good at empathy but they do know when mom is upset.

Piorn replied:
It's like raising kittens really. Playtime ends when they use their claws or teeth, sooner or later they'll play nice.

morph023 said:
"Do as I say, not as I do"

biddlyboing replied:
Ah, sounds like what I got told.

"A child is to be seen, not heard"

And by seen, they meant sit there listening in patiently as they talk for hours on end about the local gossip. And get told off for being anti social if I get a phone out or book, or God forbid "hide from them" when I went to the toilet.

geauxjolie said:
Make your kids give hugs and kisses to show affection to relatives, friends, etc.

BurdenofReflecting replied:
I've always let my son decide who he wants to hug/kiss. He can say no. It teaches him he's allowed to have boundaries.

Pitboyx replied:
Autonomy in general is very important in addition to supporting the decision as long as it's reasonable.

waldo06 said:
Let your toddler play with your phone to calm them down.

sfasancy replied:
My 2 yr old niece was playing with my brothers phone and ended up on Instagram liking dudes pics.

ninjanikki91 said:
Constantly tell your kids they're the smartest kids ever.

robbythompsonsglove replied:
F**k, this is the worst. My 9yo is struggling because we were so nice to her and so impressed with her intelligence. 3 siblings later, and any day without being the smartest and best becomes a problem.

[deleted] said:
Keep your kids super clean and away from potential allergens.

StuntGunman replied:
If your children don't come in contact with germs they won't have any immunities to them! So many kids my daughter plays with are obsessed with hand sanitizer and so have to keep explaining to her that it's bad for her to use.

[deleted] replied:
We never use hand sanitizer at home so whenever we go to the hospital or doctors office my oldest hits up every single dispenser. Every. Single. One. Even if they are only 10 feet apart and we pass 20 of them on the way to wherever we are going.

It's the only time I don't mind him overdosing on sanitizer.

wepwepwepwe said:
All of the authoritarian parenting advice out there. Be strict, use time-outs or spanking or whatever at the slightest provocation, don't let your kids have any freedom or privacy, "my house my rules" and so on.

Mulanisabamf replied:
I heard "my house my rules" until I left the parental house at 20.

I still have trouble communicating and setting boundaries, especially with people I think are authority​-like.

[deleted] replied:
I know exactly what you mean. My parents demanded instant, unquestioning obedience as long as I lived under their roof. Failing that, I was yelled at to go to my room, "stop talking foolish talk", or stand in the corner (this until I was 17 or 18) Today I can't approach my boss without thinking I'm saying something stupid, doing my job badly or worse, "being disrespectful".

I realize this is probably mild in comparison to some people's experience, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

[deleted] said:
My mom always says this one: "When you have kids, lie to them. Lie through your teeth".

No Mom, no.

koolbloo replied:
When I was in elementary school I asked mom one day why she sometimes used pads and tampons. Without a second thought she told me that she used them because "she couldn't hold her pee sometimes."

Let me remind you that this happened wayyyy after my potty training.

She realized that she really shouldn't have lied to me when she found out that I was using her pads in order not to pee on myself (I think I thought "if mommy couldn't hold it as a grown up how the hell am I supposed to hold it as a child?"). Also because she purchased perfumed pads, I put some of them in my drawers because come on, they smelled nice. So before mom ran out of her pad stock, she decided to talk to me about why she really used them.

When your kids achieve something great or good just tell them it ain't s**t. That way it gets them to do even better the next time!!!

... And then later in life they get to have all kinds of f****d up complexes like myself. Unable to relax with out feeling like s**t.

If you ignore them they will leave you alone. Whoever made up this advice originally is stupid. This hardly works on adults let alone children who still don't understand the 'too far' line when joking/teasing.

Lying to your kids to explain difficult things.

I get that in some situations, like if someone [chooses to end their lives], telling an alternative story may be a good idea. But for 99% of situations or questions a kid asks, a parent should respond factually.

Edit: By alternative story I don't mean lying. I'm talking about simplifying words and concepts to explain the idea, not outright fabricating or denying events.

EnchantedOcelot said:
Your child can never do wrong. Something else must be the problem.

MegasusPegasus replied:
This is very true, but so is it's inversion.

Some parents never trust their kid telling them something is wrong. From something as minor as an unfair teacher to as severe as being uncomfortable with someone who turns out to be a molester, a lot of parents just don't trust their kids at all.

Cosmic_Cowboy2 replied:
I feel like this was me, and I honestly have no idea how much of it was just default mistrust and how much of it I actually earned.

Either way, when I was 16 I was fired from my awesome summer job over a complete misunderstanding (manager offered me my job back later, bunch of people quit over it anyway). I cried after it happened, and luckily a bunch of my coworkers sat me down to talk it out. My dad, on the other hand, didn't so much as let me speak up in my own defense when he came to pick me up. He just assumed I was a horrible employee, and we drove home in one of the most tensely silent car rides of my life.

I have some self-esteem problems, as you might guess.

It doesn't matter how miserable and toxic your marriage becomes, you need to stay with your partner to keep the family together.

Edit: I'm surprised and a bit disheartened to see how many people relate to this. One of my good friends grew up with a controlling, abusive father and parents didn't divorce until the oldest kid went to college. Her mother stuck it out because she was raised to think that a "together family" would leave her kids better off (she's since apologized to her children many times for this, but my friend is acceptable the apology very readily)

My parents have had serious marriage problems since I was in 4th grade and my father has been emotionally abusing my mother and my siblings and I for a very long time. At this point I just want them to get it over with and my father to work on his problems or get the f**k out of our lives. It was a significant factor in me developing depression and becoming suicidal at multiple points in my life.