Clingy exes can spell doom for their previous partner’s relationship, especially if they really want to get back together. They might go to the craziest lengths to woo their past lover or slyly place obstacles in their current relationship.
That is what happened to a guy whose ex-girlfriend couldn’t accept that he had moved on. When his partner was away, the woman took her chance to gain his sympathy and worm her way back into his heart. Weirdly enough, he recorded everything to prove his innocence to his girlfriend.
More info: Reddit
Nobody wants to believe that their partner could still have feelings for their ex, even if the proof is staring them right in the face
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman’s boyfriend, James, had broken up with his ex, Winnie, two years ago, but since she believed they were soulmates, she had never truly gotten over their relationship
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Once, after the poster had gone to stay at her parents’ house for the weekend, Winnie went over to the house in tears expecting James to comfort her
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster found out that Winnie had gone over after seeing their doorbell camera footage, but the real kicker was when James showed her a recording that he had taken of the incident
Image credits: ThrowRAundecided393
The video recording showed James and Winnie in bed, with him consoling her while she cried, but even though James didn’t cheat, the situation really hurt his girlfriend
The biggest problem with the entire thing was how much Winnie, the ex-girlfriend, still wanted to be in contact with James. She couldn’t get over their breakup, and he did nothing to set boundaries with her or to get her to move on. That led to countless moments where he would console or reassure her, which obviously made the OP uncomfortable.
To understand more about dealing with clingy exes, Bored Panda reached out to Jessica Boss, a professional breakup and relationship expert. Jessica has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and studied relationship dynamics at the University of Waterloo. She is also a featured columnist for Love Learnings.
We asked her why it’s so hard for some people to move on after a breakup. She said that “breaking up has a similar impact on our mental health to losing a loved one, so it’s not unusual for someone to struggle with intense grief and feelings of hopelessness and despair. As time passes, these feelings should subside naturally.”
“When someone can’t get over an ex, it’s often due to other problems in their own life. Typically, it means they lack self-esteem and confidence. They can’t move on because they feel that this person is irreplaceable because they feel they don’t truly deserve love from someone else,” Jessica explained.
It definitely seems like Winnie couldn’t bear to be on her own and needed James to always be in her life. So, when the OP and her partner moved in together, the ex-girlfriend broke down completely. James had to keep comforting her through her depression and crying fits instead of staying firm and letting her deal with her emotions on her own.
Jessica advised that people should “set firm boundaries and separate completely from their ex. They’re doing them no favors by continuing to humor them. In fact, if you coddle your ex in this way, you’re actually extending their period of mourning over the relationship. Take space from your ex and go no-contact as soon as possible.”
Image credits: cookie_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Things went from bad to worse while the girlfriend was away. Winnie went over to her ex’s house and spent time with him in his bed. Although James had recorded the entire situation to show his girlfriend that nothing untoward happened, the OP obviously felt extremely hurt by it. She was still unsure whether James had done anything wrong by comforting his Winnie.
Jessica Boss explained that “video evidence aside, spending time in bed with your ex is never acceptable in a relationship. It’s emotional and physical cheating and shows a lack of respect for the relationship and for his girlfriend. They may not have [been intimate], but it’s still not okay. Not by a long shot.”
James did not seem to realize his mistakes at all and wanted his girlfriend to forgive him completely for everything that had happened. Netizens told her not to give in, because it was clear that he would never set boundaries with Winnie and that weird stuff would keep happening.
We asked Jessica what a person should do to set boundaries with their partner’s ex, especially if the ex’s behavior heavily impacts their relationship. She said, “It shouldn’t be up to the girlfriend to set boundaries here. All she can do is clearly express her discomfort with their relationship.”
“Once you've reached the point of ultimatums or bargaining with your partner or their ex, the relationship is already taking serious damage. The boyfriend needs to make it clear to his ex that he isn’t interested and that she needs to move on. He needs to commit to never spending time with her alone again, and he needs to take steps to repair things with his partner,” she added.
Nobody wants to believe that their partner still harbors feelings for their past flame, but when the evidence is so damning, the truth must be accepted. Hopefully, the woman will decide to move on and find someone else who doesn’t have a clingy ex-girlfriend in tow.
What do you think about the weird relationship between James and Winnie? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
People felt that the poster was naive in trusting her boyfriend and urged her to break things off with him since he was obviously not over his ex
