“I’ll Never Forget That”: 36 Of The Most Epic Comebacks People Have Used To Shut Others Down

Secret Santa gift exchange in college. One guy gets a collection of British currency (he liked to collect foreign bills and coins) and a girl makes a rude comment about it being a stupid gift. Cue my mouth running off before my brain can stop it, "Karen dont be rude, he just didnt want you to be the only one who gained 20 pounds this semester"

Pandemonium ensued as her boyfriend tried to pick a fight while she bursts into tears, it was not the best day for the club.

How to make a best friend for life! It was 2001 when I was in 5th grade. My dad did my pony tails in the morning & they were not cute. As I was walking away from my classmates I overheard my bully laughing and saying “her hair is messed up in the back” and the new girl in school shouted back to her “well your face is messed up in the front”. God that was awesome. I’ll never forget that as long as I live & we’re still friends to this day.


Edit- I wanted to give an update on my bully; we later became friends. Turns out, she had her own stuff going on at home & that’s why she was horrible to me for all of those years. It was my dad who told me to invite her to my birthday party & talk to her outside of school. My dad rocks. He was so right.

I teach 16 - 20 year olds and one of my students kept insulting a girl. She turned around and with a completely straight face she said: “If you’re not careful, I’ll get with your dad and become your stepmom.”

It was unexpected.

FOX5 host: "Don't you think you went a little too far with the Catholic Church jokes?"

Bill Burr: "Don't you think the Catholic Church went a little too far?".

My grandfather used a handicap placard because of a heart condition. Outwardly he looked very healthy. One woman saw him get out of his car at the grocery store and told him "you don't look handicapped". He told her "you don't look like a jerk".

I was adopted at 4 months old. It was never presented in a bad light just a matter of fact. Im the oldest in my adopted family.

My younger brother in a raging fit over something: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL BROTHER!!”

Me: Yep. Mom and Dad chose me. They were stuck with you.

Silence.

Line delivered by me...

Dad was boasting about his looks at 65.
"the nurses said I looked very good for my age."

Me: "you were there for a colonoscopy, are you sure they were looking at your face?"

Someone was trashing on a user here on Reddit while using awful punctuation.

Reply goes "You missed so many periods that i'm sure you're pregnant.'.

David Letterman : You know, I'm not as dumb as I look.

Tina Fey: Yeah, but how could you be?

Profesor to student; "You're not very far from a fool."

Student to profesor; "No ma'am just two rows of chairs and a desk." Then standing up left the room and dropped her class.

I once jokingly said to my wife, “You know you should consider yourself lucky really as I’m quite fussy about my women” ... without skipping a beat she shot back... “Well you’re just lucky that l’m not fussy about my men”...

Burned...

Reply by a kindergartner, to a pair of 5th graders who tried to tell him Santa isn't real: "Santa brings me presents, and if Santa doesn't bring you presents, you should think about why.".

Female friend: "I'll just meet a doctor and become a trophy wife."

Male friend: "They don't give trophies for last place".

The story of how my grandparents went on their first date has the greatest comeback ever.

My grandpa was working a sub shop at the register. My grandma was in line (they’ve kind of met a few times in passing before) and she gets up to the register and my grandfather (attempting to hit on her) says “How’d you get through life looking so ugly?” And my grandma replies, “I don’t know but you’ve been doing it longer than I have”.

And they’ve been happily married ever since.



Edit: I hate to disappoint you all, but they did not get married on the spot in the sub shop.

If your parents get a divorce will they still be brother and sister?

Bald guy to fat guy : look at the state of you,

Fat guy to bald guy : you're one back injury away from leading the x-men.

My cousin was in town for Thanksgiving. He goes up to my 10 year old skinny nephew and jokes "hey, it looks like you are gaining weight." My 10 year old cousin without skipping a beat tells him "Hey, it looks like you have diabetes." My cousin is 300 plus pounds. He hasn't been back to visit since.

Walking around DC with a group of exchange students (me being one of them) and a chaperone, I drop some unwanted change in a beggars cup.
Chaperone says: "You shouldn't give them money to these guys, they make more money I do!"
Me: "Maybe you should get a better job then?".

Many years ago when I was twelve, I got into an argument with my mother and father.

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Exasperated, my mother said, "You talk like you think your father and I don't have a brain between us."

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I immediately said, "No, I *do* think you have a brain between you."

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My father burst out laughing -- end of argument.

I was with friends in a movie theater and, while I forgot what the movie was, it was apparent we were the oldest people watching the movie.

While waiting for the previews to start, someone in the back makes a noise. Then someone repeats the noise; then, two more ... and so on

I said out loud, "Jeeze, this is getting old."

When it all calmed down, a young'un a couple rows behind me said, "So are you."

Touche', you little brat.