It hurts watching someone you care about make the biggest mistake of their life. Unfortunately, love and attraction can make even the smartest people ignore big and bright relationship red flags. The result is a toxic relationship that your family and friends are begging you to leave for your own sake.
Internet users spilled the tea about the most terrible and toxic individuals that their friends were dating, and how they ignored everyone’s warnings. We are featuring some of the most raw and painful stories with you, and these are full to the brim with signs of what kind of people to avoid romantically.
#1
I watched my best friend's wife (thankfully now ex) systematically dismantle him. It was horrible to watch. I was vocal about how much it bothered me and it drove a wedge between us and some years passed where we didn't speak to each other. We have since reconnected and she is out of the picture. It was hard hearing him say "dude you were the only one who told me it was a bad idea and I pushed you away" but I'm glad he saw the light.
Report
28points
#2
Soon after getting together, she moved into his apartment. She turned his spare bedroom/office into her music room. Next she turned his garage into her yoga studio (she never did yoga). She preferred his car but wouldnt let him drive hers, meaning there were many nights where he was suck at home while she was out with her friends. She controlled his drinking...the few times he was out he was allowed ONE drink (which she usually drank), while she got totally rat-faced. She often stayed over at other guy friends houses cause 'its too late to drive home'. She planned an elaborate holiday trip, which he paid for, to visit her ex. Relationship lasted a little under a year before she broke up with him..because he turned 36 and she only dates guys who are 35.
Report
18points
#3
When I was in high school, my best friend started dating a fellow that was known to be a POS, but she was in love and we couldn't convince her that it was a bad idea. He started beating her almost immediately, but that didn't deter her at all. He would take her car and pick up other girls, but they were just "friends", she got him a cellphone in her name and ran up enormous bills that she couldn't pay, he gave her herpes, and we were like "okay, maybe now she will leave him"...nope. He was street-racing in her car and smashed it up and she forgave him, even though she couldn't afford to get it fixed. He took all her money. We begged and pleaded with her to leave him and she said she would, but then secretly kept seeing him. Then one night we went to a community dance and he started strangling her in front of everyone, it took three huge guys to get him off her and the police were called. He ended up leaving her after that and she was devastated. The hold he had over her was crazy. And what was even more crazy were the girls that got together with him after all this happened, knowing fully well what he was like. Insanity.
15points
To be very clear: getting out of a toxic relationship is not easy. It is also far easier to make judgments about other people’s dating choices from afar, when you’re not the one who is emotionally entangled.
Many of you have probably been in situations where you ignore your family and friends’ advice on your romantic life, even if they later turn out to be correct. It is tough to hear someone criticize the person you care about. Not only do you want to protect them, but you also feel like you’re defending your life choices at the same time. And yet, if you are unable or unwilling to recognize the signs of a truly toxic relationship, not only are you harming your well-being and mental health, but you’re also wasting your precious time with someone who is bad for you.
That being said, not all red flags are obvious. You should not feel guilty for not spotting something that might arouse suspicion in others.
Some of the most common toxic relationship red flags are a lack of respect and support, excessive envy or jealousy, controlling behaviors, dishonesty, resentment, constant stress, and ignoring your needs.
#4
I have a " friend" who dates guys she knows none of us like just for attention and then throws a fit when we state we don't like them. I'm talking storming off when we refuse double dates, dragging them to parties just to sit in the corner and make out with them (or worse- straight up straddle them on the couch), asking us why we refuse to hang out with them and then having more tantrums when we tell her why.
She dates guys who have invalidated her gender and have wildly different views than the ones that she is absolutely radical about, ones who refuse to communicate with any of us and vape just obnoxious amount. When these fall through she then expects all of us to baby her, until a week later when she gets another despite sobbing about the last one a day before.
She's a disaster and I finally cut her off when she lied to me about having an eating disorder to get my attention- I suffered from an eating disorder from the time I was 12 to when I was 16 and she knows that full well and how much it affects me.
She dates guys who have invalidated her gender and have wildly different views than the ones that she is absolutely radical about, ones who refuse to communicate with any of us and vape just obnoxious amount. When these fall through she then expects all of us to baby her, until a week later when she gets another despite sobbing about the last one a day before.
She's a disaster and I finally cut her off when she lied to me about having an eating disorder to get my attention- I suffered from an eating disorder from the time I was 12 to when I was 16 and she knows that full well and how much it affects me.
Report
13points
#5
They got together and she immediately took over his house which she began referring to as "her" house. He would come home and find out that she had her father over and they two would actually remodel portions of the house without even letting him know.
Dude was a commercial artist. So he had a small office/studio in one of the unused bedrooms. While he was at work, her and her dad took everything out of his office/studio, moved it to the basement and then moved the washer and dryer to that room. Then, apparently, realized that there were no ducts for the dryer and they needed some 220 outlets installed so she called him at work PISSED that his house "sucked" and he needed to get an electrician over there ASAP to fix this, which he did paying the emergency rate.
Was hoping he'd see the light. Unfortunately he did, but only after two kids and her forcing him to quit his good job with benefits.
Dude was a commercial artist. So he had a small office/studio in one of the unused bedrooms. While he was at work, her and her dad took everything out of his office/studio, moved it to the basement and then moved the washer and dryer to that room. Then, apparently, realized that there were no ducts for the dryer and they needed some 220 outlets installed so she called him at work PISSED that his house "sucked" and he needed to get an electrician over there ASAP to fix this, which he did paying the emergency rate.
Was hoping he'd see the light. Unfortunately he did, but only after two kids and her forcing him to quit his good job with benefits.
Report
12points
#6
My best friend and I met through our boyfriends. One weekend we went on a girls trip - just the two of us, to my parent's holiday house. Our plans were to go hiking and chill out on our own, however he called her two days in and started verbally abusing her for no reason and was yelling that he was going to drive the 300kms and pick her up. She calmed him down and I drove her home so that she could break up with him. She didn't.
So fast forward 3 months, we went out to the local bars and he was going to come later and pick her up when she was ready. My boyfriend was there with us because he was my designated driver so he was making sure we were safe - not that we needed it. About 2 hours into the night her bf came into one of the bars and demanded she go home with him. He got quite aggressive and despite me trying to get her to come home with me she went home with him.
She's still with him and they're now house hunting. FFS
edit: omfg people... I am not going to read every comment but I will just say this...
She does not enjoy the "drama" and "attention". No, my boyfriend is not still friends with this guy - they talk to an extent, but he never initiates anything. And "it would be interesting to hear his side of the story" - um, does his side of the story actually matter? That night was like a switch was flipped. He was completely fine one minute when he was with my boyfriend, then 2 minutes later he came in and started demanding she gets up and leaves with him.
You people really should not be judging if you've never been in her situation.
So fast forward 3 months, we went out to the local bars and he was going to come later and pick her up when she was ready. My boyfriend was there with us because he was my designated driver so he was making sure we were safe - not that we needed it. About 2 hours into the night her bf came into one of the bars and demanded she go home with him. He got quite aggressive and despite me trying to get her to come home with me she went home with him.
She's still with him and they're now house hunting. FFS
edit: omfg people... I am not going to read every comment but I will just say this...
She does not enjoy the "drama" and "attention". No, my boyfriend is not still friends with this guy - they talk to an extent, but he never initiates anything. And "it would be interesting to hear his side of the story" - um, does his side of the story actually matter? That night was like a switch was flipped. He was completely fine one minute when he was with my boyfriend, then 2 minutes later he came in and started demanding she gets up and leaves with him.
You people really should not be judging if you've never been in her situation.
Report
11points
“Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life,” Carla Marie Manly, PhD, told Healthline.
However, if you start to find that your needs and interests don’t matter much, and your partner doesn’t respect or support you, you may want to rethink the entire relationship. In short, it is not healthy if your significant other only ever cares about what they want and need.
Your inner alarm bells should go off if your partner constantly demands to know where you are, who you spend time with, and what you do. If they get frustrated when you don’t immediately tell them, it’s most definitely not a good sign.
On the flip side, if they’re the one who constantly hides how they’re spending their time and with whom, it is also suspicious. Basic privacy is a right, and every healthy relationship needs it. But intentionally hiding (relevant!) information from your partner is a sign of secrecy.
#7
Girl I knew got knocked up by this dude who had a knack for catching charges and getting sent to jail and/or prison. Despite his violent behavior, even toward family members (though not as violent as his full-fledged assaults), she was adamant about marrying him. Apparently, he wanted her to drop out of college and be a stay at home mom that he supported... Two things there: first, good luck doing that as a felon in this economy (not impossible, but unlikely.) Second, maybe I'm jaded, but to an outsider, that seems like obvious economic manipulation that this guy wanted her to depend on him so he could keep cheating on her and what not.
After he got released from his latest stint, he cheated on her again and she finally wised up and dumped him, but she still constantly posts conflicting stuff on social media about how she loves him but also hates him. Dude was clearly bad news from the beginning. She seems to be doing fine as a single mom with family support, but pretty much everybody could see the writing on the wall except for her.
After he got released from his latest stint, he cheated on her again and she finally wised up and dumped him, but she still constantly posts conflicting stuff on social media about how she loves him but also hates him. Dude was clearly bad news from the beginning. She seems to be doing fine as a single mom with family support, but pretty much everybody could see the writing on the wall except for her.
Report
9points
#8
Exchange dating for married.
here's the low lights of his relationship.
- His schedule is set by her.
- His money = her money (he has zero input, and she is awful with money). He recently drained his 401k so they could pay off CC debit and 3 months later she bought a new car.. 3 months after that they went on a 2 week international vacation.
- He runs all her errands. (including drive 40mins out of the way to bring her lunch because she "Forgot" to bring it.)
- 6 months in she made him abandon his only 2 hobbies. (hunting and fishing) because it's cruel to animals. She is a large woman and not a vegetarian.
- He must respond to texts messages within mins no matter what he is doing.
- He gets motion sickness if he isn't the driver in a car but she insist that he rides passenger because one accident he got in 6 yrs ago. (she is the scariest driver i have ever met, speeding with her phone constantly in her hand)
- He gets verbally put down in public and private settings.
- She complains about him every chance she gets, yet he never says a negative word about her.
- He stays home to watch the kids while she goes out to bars / events several nights a week.
- Is huge into MLM stuff, even attending the big conventions in other cities when they happen
- The list goes on and on and on...
Our circle of friends is pretty tight and we all see him look absolutely miserable, exhausted and crabby every time we see him. He looks like he is push 55 even though he is only 40. We all want him to get our of his toxic marriage but anytime anyone even comes close to saying anything he gets extremely angry, defends her and starts being rude to everyone.
here's the low lights of his relationship.
- His schedule is set by her.
- His money = her money (he has zero input, and she is awful with money). He recently drained his 401k so they could pay off CC debit and 3 months later she bought a new car.. 3 months after that they went on a 2 week international vacation.
- He runs all her errands. (including drive 40mins out of the way to bring her lunch because she "Forgot" to bring it.)
- 6 months in she made him abandon his only 2 hobbies. (hunting and fishing) because it's cruel to animals. She is a large woman and not a vegetarian.
- He must respond to texts messages within mins no matter what he is doing.
- He gets motion sickness if he isn't the driver in a car but she insist that he rides passenger because one accident he got in 6 yrs ago. (she is the scariest driver i have ever met, speeding with her phone constantly in her hand)
- He gets verbally put down in public and private settings.
- She complains about him every chance she gets, yet he never says a negative word about her.
- He stays home to watch the kids while she goes out to bars / events several nights a week.
- Is huge into MLM stuff, even attending the big conventions in other cities when they happen
- The list goes on and on and on...
Our circle of friends is pretty tight and we all see him look absolutely miserable, exhausted and crabby every time we see him. He looks like he is push 55 even though he is only 40. We all want him to get our of his toxic marriage but anytime anyone even comes close to saying anything he gets extremely angry, defends her and starts being rude to everyone.
Report
9points
#9
My friend was me. And my father in law actually told me when I asked his permission to marry his daughter that he wanted to go have a few beers and really talk about it. I never did that and asked her to marry me, fast forward to when I caught her in her affair years after our marriage and was talking to her dad about it he said "this is why I didn't tell you yes when you asked me if you could marry her, because we all knew this would happen and you don't deserve it, she cannot have a healthy, truthful relationship with anyone, you're just her latest victim."
We're still good buddies, I love the guy.
We're still good buddies, I love the guy.
Report
9points
Who are the very worst people that your friends have dated, and how bad did things get? Did you ever manage to get through to them, and if so, how?
On the flip side, have you ever had your friends warn you about someone you were dating? What happened next? Join the conversation in the comments at the bottom of this post.
#10
So I have multiple stories (both me being the person not listening to my friends and me being the one to tell my friends their relationship was toxic) but I'm going to stick to the one we can all relate to.
In freshman year of college, I made a lot of friends in my dormroom. My side of the building was two girls-only floors sandwiching a guy's-only floor. The girls loved to hang out on the guys floor and they would stop by my room or my neighbors first since we were next to the staircase. Almost every weekend, my girlfriend(18) who I(18) dated through high school would visit me. The girls who lived in the room directly below us were the first to tell me "she's too controlling." At first I was shocked and just shrugged it off. But then, more and more people told me that they didn't like how she yelled at me or what she would tell me to do.
She was still in high school and it's my first year in college. I listened to these new friends hoping one was right. I would break up with the girl for a few days. Then, either her or I, would call each other crying and begging to try again. The first two or three times I was genuinely adhering to the promises I made to her but she wouldn't and we would end up breaking up for another week or so. Our relationship had seemed perfect for two years before this point. It was getting very obvious to everyone but me that without me being labeled her boyfriend, she was not happy. After a fight that led to a break up sometime in October of my freshman year, I started publically dating a girl I had met in my classes. She drives up to the university and starts screaming that "You need to break up with her. I can't believe you could do this."
I broke up with the girl and took high school gf back. By this fourth or fifth yelling match, everyone in the dorm knew of my situation and persuaded me to try to think about myself. I didn't, I only thought of pleasing her. I thought of proving people wrong that she wouldn't change because I was so blinded by love back then.
December was great because I was back home for the school year and she loved every minute of it. No fights and everything went well.
Back to school in January and everything is OK until two weeks in. She breaks up with me because she doesn't think she loves me anymore. 18yo me at the time wept for a week straight. It was the first time she had ever said that amidst all our fights. I tried my best to keep our promise to stay friends even after breaking up and she continued to visit me every weekend. My roommate and dorm floor buddies had gotten so fed up with me running back to her. They tried an intervention with our dorm advisor and I told them that I had feelings for her but that we weren't dating anymore. They weren't stupid though, they knew that whenever she visited, we would sleep together and then talk about getting back together but with both of us sobbing afterwards. They encouraged me to move on and took me out partying among other things. It helped but it wasn't the nail in the coffin.
The last time she visited was in April. She told me she couldn't visit anymore. Our friend group from high school was very close and so I reached out to a few of them to ask what was going on and catch up since we hadn't talked since December. They told me they didn't know why I was reaching out about my ex, since she had been dating a guy since January. I told them that it couldn't be true because she's not the cheating type. And they told me that she hasn't mentioned visiting me at all since January.
June rolls around and I finally have the courage built up to go to her house and ask her about what was happening. She confessed to all of it. She first confesses to cheating on me during our relationship "but it only happened once and I was really sad and lonely that you weren't home with me." She confessed to me that she had lied about falling out of love for me. She confessed that she really wanted to be with this guy but her love for me was too powerful.
I gave up on loving anyone but myself for a while.
Edit1: tldr, should've listened to my friends about an emotional rollercoaster relationship that I had a soft spot for.
Edit2: to those who have commented, I am proud that I was able to move on, even if it did take time to learn how to have a healthy relationship again.
In freshman year of college, I made a lot of friends in my dormroom. My side of the building was two girls-only floors sandwiching a guy's-only floor. The girls loved to hang out on the guys floor and they would stop by my room or my neighbors first since we were next to the staircase. Almost every weekend, my girlfriend(18) who I(18) dated through high school would visit me. The girls who lived in the room directly below us were the first to tell me "she's too controlling." At first I was shocked and just shrugged it off. But then, more and more people told me that they didn't like how she yelled at me or what she would tell me to do.
She was still in high school and it's my first year in college. I listened to these new friends hoping one was right. I would break up with the girl for a few days. Then, either her or I, would call each other crying and begging to try again. The first two or three times I was genuinely adhering to the promises I made to her but she wouldn't and we would end up breaking up for another week or so. Our relationship had seemed perfect for two years before this point. It was getting very obvious to everyone but me that without me being labeled her boyfriend, she was not happy. After a fight that led to a break up sometime in October of my freshman year, I started publically dating a girl I had met in my classes. She drives up to the university and starts screaming that "You need to break up with her. I can't believe you could do this."
I broke up with the girl and took high school gf back. By this fourth or fifth yelling match, everyone in the dorm knew of my situation and persuaded me to try to think about myself. I didn't, I only thought of pleasing her. I thought of proving people wrong that she wouldn't change because I was so blinded by love back then.
December was great because I was back home for the school year and she loved every minute of it. No fights and everything went well.
Back to school in January and everything is OK until two weeks in. She breaks up with me because she doesn't think she loves me anymore. 18yo me at the time wept for a week straight. It was the first time she had ever said that amidst all our fights. I tried my best to keep our promise to stay friends even after breaking up and she continued to visit me every weekend. My roommate and dorm floor buddies had gotten so fed up with me running back to her. They tried an intervention with our dorm advisor and I told them that I had feelings for her but that we weren't dating anymore. They weren't stupid though, they knew that whenever she visited, we would sleep together and then talk about getting back together but with both of us sobbing afterwards. They encouraged me to move on and took me out partying among other things. It helped but it wasn't the nail in the coffin.
The last time she visited was in April. She told me she couldn't visit anymore. Our friend group from high school was very close and so I reached out to a few of them to ask what was going on and catch up since we hadn't talked since December. They told me they didn't know why I was reaching out about my ex, since she had been dating a guy since January. I told them that it couldn't be true because she's not the cheating type. And they told me that she hasn't mentioned visiting me at all since January.
June rolls around and I finally have the courage built up to go to her house and ask her about what was happening. She confessed to all of it. She first confesses to cheating on me during our relationship "but it only happened once and I was really sad and lonely that you weren't home with me." She confessed to me that she had lied about falling out of love for me. She confessed that she really wanted to be with this guy but her love for me was too powerful.
I gave up on loving anyone but myself for a while.
Edit1: tldr, should've listened to my friends about an emotional rollercoaster relationship that I had a soft spot for.
Edit2: to those who have commented, I am proud that I was able to move on, even if it did take time to learn how to have a healthy relationship again.
Report
7points
#11
My BIL had a friend in high school and college who was very shy and kind of sheltered. A poor country boy who was taught to work hard and have good manners.
His first year in college he met a girl who came from a very wealthy family from the big city. The kind of family that has staff at every home they own and use the names of the seasons as verbs. This girl was absolute garbage as a human being. She was bored and decided to use this poor kid as her human toy.
Since this was the first girl that ever showed any interest in this guy, he fell head over heals for her. She invited him to her family's home where she showed off her trained money to her friends and family who, with her help, mercilessly made fun of him and humiliated him the entire weekend and every time he was there. She sent him to sleep in the servant's quarters while she shared a room with her ex and he was well aware.
She made this poor kid go through hell and spend every dime he had to entertain her only for her to berate him and mock him. His friends intervened many times to help this guy see the obvious, but he was too far gone.
His pride and joy was a 1964.5 Ford Mustang that his late father and him spent 3 years restoring to like new condition. It was a project car that his dad brought home in buckets as there were almost no parts on the frame they bought. After they finished it, hid dad gave it to him as a birthday present. That car meant the world to him. In a hail Mary of desperation, he sold his beloved car for something like 20K and spent all of it to buy this girl an engagement ring.
She took the ring and proceeded to call everyone she knew to tell them what happened and to insult the ring and this guy. After she spent an hour or so trashing him and his lousy 20K ring, she threw it in the toilet and flushed it.
His friends showed up to console him and ended up leaving when he told that it was his fault and not to say anything bad about this girl. If he was a real man, he would be able to afford a real ring for this girl.
His first year in college he met a girl who came from a very wealthy family from the big city. The kind of family that has staff at every home they own and use the names of the seasons as verbs. This girl was absolute garbage as a human being. She was bored and decided to use this poor kid as her human toy.
Since this was the first girl that ever showed any interest in this guy, he fell head over heals for her. She invited him to her family's home where she showed off her trained money to her friends and family who, with her help, mercilessly made fun of him and humiliated him the entire weekend and every time he was there. She sent him to sleep in the servant's quarters while she shared a room with her ex and he was well aware.
She made this poor kid go through hell and spend every dime he had to entertain her only for her to berate him and mock him. His friends intervened many times to help this guy see the obvious, but he was too far gone.
His pride and joy was a 1964.5 Ford Mustang that his late father and him spent 3 years restoring to like new condition. It was a project car that his dad brought home in buckets as there were almost no parts on the frame they bought. After they finished it, hid dad gave it to him as a birthday present. That car meant the world to him. In a hail Mary of desperation, he sold his beloved car for something like 20K and spent all of it to buy this girl an engagement ring.
She took the ring and proceeded to call everyone she knew to tell them what happened and to insult the ring and this guy. After she spent an hour or so trashing him and his lousy 20K ring, she threw it in the toilet and flushed it.
His friends showed up to console him and ended up leaving when he told that it was his fault and not to say anything bad about this girl. If he was a real man, he would be able to afford a real ring for this girl.
Report
7points
#12
1st year of uni, started in September and this is November, buddy who lived opposite me (who has remained my best friend 4 years later) is sad because his girlfriend is coming over to visit.
She comes for a week, everyone in our friendship group seems to like her. I didn't. Told him while we were drunk a week or two later that she was horrible for him and he could do so much better. He didn't speak to me for a day.
Cue her moving into his uni halls around February (she went to a different uni and commuted to it) controlling every little thing about him. When he goes to lectures, when he goes out. She started saying to us that we spend too much time with him and she didn't like it.
About a year later, when we were in our 2nd year house he broke up with her, the first night after that were all drunk in our living room and he announces in front of us all that he loves me and I'm the best bro he has, as everyone else didn't have the courage to tell him she wasn't good for him and that he should have listened to me earlier. I'm glad he saw the light himself.
She comes for a week, everyone in our friendship group seems to like her. I didn't. Told him while we were drunk a week or two later that she was horrible for him and he could do so much better. He didn't speak to me for a day.
Cue her moving into his uni halls around February (she went to a different uni and commuted to it) controlling every little thing about him. When he goes to lectures, when he goes out. She started saying to us that we spend too much time with him and she didn't like it.
About a year later, when we were in our 2nd year house he broke up with her, the first night after that were all drunk in our living room and he announces in front of us all that he loves me and I'm the best bro he has, as everyone else didn't have the courage to tell him she wasn't good for him and that he should have listened to me earlier. I'm glad he saw the light himself.
7points
#13
My friend (for over 15) years got a girlfriend last year after a long time being alone. He has kids, is very amicable with his ex but they just grew apart. His new girlfriend is a psycho.
A few months ago they started fighting eveytime they went out together. On one paticular night he realized how unhinged this woman was. They had a full on argument and because she wasn't getting her own way she attacks him very violently. Smashing his xbox over his head, breaking every bit of furniture in his house, burnt his clothes and left them smouldering on the lawn. It was a mess. I held him as he cried. No matter what I told him He convinced himself it was a one off and thet loved each other and would work it out.
The first of many excuses. The next time they fought she beat him black and blue, robbed him and destroyed his house again.
We Friends helped him get back on his feet, change the locks, talked him through his pain and got his life back on track once she went.
It took less than a week for her to come back after sweet talking her way round.
He says "but when it's good, it's really good" I told him that if the bad moments outweigh the good then you need to be honest with yourself and get out. He didn't listen and now they're still together. It's a terrible situation and I'm all out of ideas on how to help him. He just doesnt want to help himself.
A few months ago they started fighting eveytime they went out together. On one paticular night he realized how unhinged this woman was. They had a full on argument and because she wasn't getting her own way she attacks him very violently. Smashing his xbox over his head, breaking every bit of furniture in his house, burnt his clothes and left them smouldering on the lawn. It was a mess. I held him as he cried. No matter what I told him He convinced himself it was a one off and thet loved each other and would work it out.
The first of many excuses. The next time they fought she beat him black and blue, robbed him and destroyed his house again.
We Friends helped him get back on his feet, change the locks, talked him through his pain and got his life back on track once she went.
It took less than a week for her to come back after sweet talking her way round.
He says "but when it's good, it's really good" I told him that if the bad moments outweigh the good then you need to be honest with yourself and get out. He didn't listen and now they're still together. It's a terrible situation and I'm all out of ideas on how to help him. He just doesnt want to help himself.
Report
7points
#14
There was this guy. Much in love with a girl he met on a dating site. She was fun, fun-loving, social...but also a bit crazy. Like...unpredictable, childish. She was 25 and still sucking her thumb for comfort...
So this guy asked her to marry him. She said yes. But his friends were kind of wary of her. Kept hinting that she wasn't really wife material.
His dad even told him, one week before the wedding, that it wasn't too late to cancel it all!
he event wanted to call it off, the night before.
He went through with it though. Even with all these red flags. "She could change" he thought. "I'll help her become more mature".
2 Weeks after the wedding, he took his groomsmen to lunch. One told him that he never wanted to see his wife again and if it meant losing a great friend, so was it, he'd understand. The other was just nodding.
I wasn't the nodding guy, nor the I don't wanna see your wife guy. I was the husband.
Took me two more years to finally understand that I had married a horrible, self-centered, immature person.
So this guy asked her to marry him. She said yes. But his friends were kind of wary of her. Kept hinting that she wasn't really wife material.
His dad even told him, one week before the wedding, that it wasn't too late to cancel it all!
he event wanted to call it off, the night before.
He went through with it though. Even with all these red flags. "She could change" he thought. "I'll help her become more mature".
2 Weeks after the wedding, he took his groomsmen to lunch. One told him that he never wanted to see his wife again and if it meant losing a great friend, so was it, he'd understand. The other was just nodding.
I wasn't the nodding guy, nor the I don't wanna see your wife guy. I was the husband.
Took me two more years to finally understand that I had married a horrible, self-centered, immature person.
Report
7points
#15
This might not be what this thread is looking for, but in this case the friend was me.
My ex wife would invite a couple of her friends over once a week for dinner. Whatever else she was, she was an excellent cook. She was also sleeping with at least 3 other guys, and carrying on an online affair.
I suspect her one friend knew about it, and tried to tell me about it over dinner on more than one occasion. She explained that she had a friend who was getting married, but her fiance didn't know that she was cheating on him all the time. With a bunch of different guys.
And I would say, "well why don't you tell him?" And she would go, "It's... complicated. I know him well enough, but she's been my friend for years and I don't want to alienate that friendship."
It was a recurring topic of conversation at weekly dinner. We were divorced by the time I realized she was talking about me.
My ex wife would invite a couple of her friends over once a week for dinner. Whatever else she was, she was an excellent cook. She was also sleeping with at least 3 other guys, and carrying on an online affair.
I suspect her one friend knew about it, and tried to tell me about it over dinner on more than one occasion. She explained that she had a friend who was getting married, but her fiance didn't know that she was cheating on him all the time. With a bunch of different guys.
And I would say, "well why don't you tell him?" And she would go, "It's... complicated. I know him well enough, but she's been my friend for years and I don't want to alienate that friendship."
It was a recurring topic of conversation at weekly dinner. We were divorced by the time I realized she was talking about me.
Report
6points
#16
The guy loved bragging about what a jerk he was. Treated her like trash and never seemed interested in her, until he found out how rich she was (one of her dad's companies got sold and the news was public, so her dad couldn't keep his name off the Forbes list). Then, he publicly declared they're together, after 3 years of toying with her. At every family event he was at, he just treated it like one big networking bonanza. Doesn't seem to have a clear job, but claims he's in finance. Claimed to be "working remotely" while freeloading at her parents' place for 6 weeks (and happily treating all their household staff like they were his employees).
We all tried telling her, and even though we're like sisters, she actually told me, "It's ok if you don't like him, you don't have to."
Her father reminded her that it's in their family constitution that any potential spouse must be thoroughly vetted by private investigators first. He gave her the courtesy of warning her that he was going to do it in exchange for her agreement that she won't tell him while the investigation is ongoing. She confidently agreed, completely believing he'd come clean.
Yeah, the jerk was cheating on her.
She was a mess for the longest time but fortunately, she's fine now and married to the most awesome guy ever.
We all tried telling her, and even though we're like sisters, she actually told me, "It's ok if you don't like him, you don't have to."
Her father reminded her that it's in their family constitution that any potential spouse must be thoroughly vetted by private investigators first. He gave her the courtesy of warning her that he was going to do it in exchange for her agreement that she won't tell him while the investigation is ongoing. She confidently agreed, completely believing he'd come clean.
Yeah, the jerk was cheating on her.
She was a mess for the longest time but fortunately, she's fine now and married to the most awesome guy ever.
Report
6points
#17
Ok, long one. Best friend in the military. He was dating a slightly older woman, mid 30s, we are in our mid 20s. She's got 4 kids from 3 different dad's. But she seems really cool otherwise the first few times I meet her. So ok, my boy has had some issues with dating so I get it, but I definitely think he can do better. But hey, we're in our 20's. If he wants to hook up with a more experience woman for a bit, I'm ok with it.
Then he comes to work one day and is telling a mutual friend of ours he's engaged. Now, this is on April 1st. I call bs. There's now way he's engaged to her. They've been dating less than a year, probably like 6 months. No way. I'm his bf and this is the first I'm hearing about??? Tell our mutual friend that he's lying, to his face. This is an April fools joke. Has to be. Unfortunately, the joke was on him because they were engaged. And got married shortly there after. At the wedding everyone is telling him to just leave and not go through with it. All of the groomsmen are pulling him aside, individually at first then as a group, to tell him to leave. His dad is standing there and just looks away like, "I don't see anything." He goes through with it and marries her.
Few months after they get married, she talks him into adopting her oldest, since that dad is MIA. He does. The ink is still wet on the adoption papers getting finalized and she turns into a raging jerk. Just none stop on raging at him, belittling him, and just down right mean all the time. They lasted 14 months total maybe. Just a few months after the adoption was official he's filling for divorce. Ended up paying child support for over 10 years. The child ended up being raised by the grandparents and he paid the money to them put still, ouch.
tl;dr BF tricked into marrying total jerk, adopting one of her kids, ends up paying child support for a decade for 14 months of marriage.
Then he comes to work one day and is telling a mutual friend of ours he's engaged. Now, this is on April 1st. I call bs. There's now way he's engaged to her. They've been dating less than a year, probably like 6 months. No way. I'm his bf and this is the first I'm hearing about??? Tell our mutual friend that he's lying, to his face. This is an April fools joke. Has to be. Unfortunately, the joke was on him because they were engaged. And got married shortly there after. At the wedding everyone is telling him to just leave and not go through with it. All of the groomsmen are pulling him aside, individually at first then as a group, to tell him to leave. His dad is standing there and just looks away like, "I don't see anything." He goes through with it and marries her.
Few months after they get married, she talks him into adopting her oldest, since that dad is MIA. He does. The ink is still wet on the adoption papers getting finalized and she turns into a raging jerk. Just none stop on raging at him, belittling him, and just down right mean all the time. They lasted 14 months total maybe. Just a few months after the adoption was official he's filling for divorce. Ended up paying child support for over 10 years. The child ended up being raised by the grandparents and he paid the money to them put still, ouch.
tl;dr BF tricked into marrying total jerk, adopting one of her kids, ends up paying child support for a decade for 14 months of marriage.
6points
#18
Sigh. Well, first of all, I'm pretty sure she's a psychiatrist now. Absolutely insane.
Anyway, she faked cancer multiple times (often when he would try to break up with her), and stuff like falling down stairs and "breaking" her ankle. My girlfriend at the time took her to the hospital and nothing was wrong they said. She claimed she went back the next day and it was broken. So my friend and this woman finally break up. She leaves for her residency.
They get back together. I cannot at this point. I just have to say I love you, but I can't watch this. He quits his job. He is moving the next day. She calls to say you cannot come here, I have had a boyfriend for three months. He's already quit his job.
Anyway to the anyway, he is now married and has a great job. Only I have some doubts about his current wife... I helped him through some stuff and they stayed together. I was asked to officiate the wedding and that was named as the reason. Then a few months later I never saw him again. He wouldn't return my calls. They got married. Still haven't ever seen him. I wonder if she wasn't a great person like his ex and got him to not talk to me anymore? It makes me very sad, but there is nothing I can do about it.
Anyway, she faked cancer multiple times (often when he would try to break up with her), and stuff like falling down stairs and "breaking" her ankle. My girlfriend at the time took her to the hospital and nothing was wrong they said. She claimed she went back the next day and it was broken. So my friend and this woman finally break up. She leaves for her residency.
They get back together. I cannot at this point. I just have to say I love you, but I can't watch this. He quits his job. He is moving the next day. She calls to say you cannot come here, I have had a boyfriend for three months. He's already quit his job.
Anyway to the anyway, he is now married and has a great job. Only I have some doubts about his current wife... I helped him through some stuff and they stayed together. I was asked to officiate the wedding and that was named as the reason. Then a few months later I never saw him again. He wouldn't return my calls. They got married. Still haven't ever seen him. I wonder if she wasn't a great person like his ex and got him to not talk to me anymore? It makes me very sad, but there is nothing I can do about it.
Report
6points
#19
We had one friend in our group, who was this introverted but sweet guy. He hooked up with a girl we called "the troll" .I don't quite know what he saw in her, maybe he was just lonely - but she was unattractive, unpleasant, unintelligent - and most importantly, she was terribly domineering. Like she was telling him off and telling him what to *in public*, I dread to think what it would be like in private. She was also cutting him off from his friends, especially female ones.
They're married with twins now, and none of our friend group are in in contact with him anymore. Last I saw hiw was his engagement party.
They're married with twins now, and none of our friend group are in in contact with him anymore. Last I saw hiw was his engagement party.
Report
5points
#20
My best friend and his girlfriend. Him and I have been best friends, like super close for about 7 years. I've seen him enter and come out of relationships, but the girl hes with now is a total piece of work.
Let me try to paint a picture of her. Ultra Christian. She doesn't like gay people. Is an anti-vaxxer. Grew up being california rich. Tries (and fails) to do her makeup like Kylie Jenner. Makes him pay for trips to Disneyworld at least once a year. Never pays for anything really, says it's "his job to provide for the woman". Just a goblin of a person inside and out.
They yell and fight constantly, and are just a horrible match for each other. But at this point, he just thinks it's a sunken cost fallacy. He's put in 4 years already, and is afraid of letting that go to waste. He won't listen to me because I haven't been in a real relationship since we've been friends.
Let me try to paint a picture of her. Ultra Christian. She doesn't like gay people. Is an anti-vaxxer. Grew up being california rich. Tries (and fails) to do her makeup like Kylie Jenner. Makes him pay for trips to Disneyworld at least once a year. Never pays for anything really, says it's "his job to provide for the woman". Just a goblin of a person inside and out.
They yell and fight constantly, and are just a horrible match for each other. But at this point, he just thinks it's a sunken cost fallacy. He's put in 4 years already, and is afraid of letting that go to waste. He won't listen to me because I haven't been in a real relationship since we've been friends.
Report
5points