A good insult can hurt more than a punch to your nose or your stomach. Physical pain fades, but you never forget a verbal hit — words can stay with you even on your deathbed. Some people have such a way with words that it might be surprising they haven’t won a Pulitzer Prize for Poetry yet, but we’re here to make that right.
Bored Panda found some posts with the most creative, brutal, and chaotic insults that one can conceive of. They come to you from one chain on Threads and another post from r/AskReddit, where both posters asked fellow netizens to share the best insults they’ve ever heard.
Scroll down and enjoy the magnificent poetry of meanness, where people are likened to brain-eating amoebae, accused of being crayon-eaters, and called plain dumb in the most picture-esque and eloquent ways imaginable.
#1
I got called into a meeting with HR today cause apparently telling my coworker that I knew he was a C-section baby by the way he avoids labour is not acceptable in the workplace.
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55points
#2
I was a cashier at a grocery store and the cashier next to me chatted with the baggers non-stop and would hold up her line all damn day cuz she wasn't paying them attention. One customer blurted out in frustration, "MY GOD, DO YOU GET PAID BY THE WORD OR THE HOUR?"
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42points
#3
Couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.
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40points
#4
I did buy an unpleasant coworker 2 pairs of sunglasses for a secret Santa, once, with a card that said "one pair for each face".
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38points
#5
“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries”.
34points
#6
In 2017 I was drunk and trying to send a picture of the ol’ family jewels and rod to a lady (at her request, I’m too lazy when drunk to deal with a zipper without prompting). I posted it to Facebook.
Not even 20 minutes later, I’m sitting on the couch getting supremely irritated at her lack of appreciation of my equipment (perceived, as she had not responded. Probably because I never sent it to her) that had gone to sleep in the meantime. The notification was a Facebook comment from my mother that read: “It wasn’t impressive when you were a baby, it’s not impressive now. You should take this down before you embarrass yourself.”
She told that story at my 35th birthday last year.
Not even 20 minutes later, I’m sitting on the couch getting supremely irritated at her lack of appreciation of my equipment (perceived, as she had not responded. Probably because I never sent it to her) that had gone to sleep in the meantime. The notification was a Facebook comment from my mother that read: “It wasn’t impressive when you were a baby, it’s not impressive now. You should take this down before you embarrass yourself.”
She told that story at my 35th birthday last year.
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29points
#7
David Letterman interviewing Tina Fey: after some blah blah conversation DL "hey I'm not as dumb as I look". TF "How could you be?".
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27points
#8
I told a friend I was prom king in conversation and his response was " Oh thats right you were home schooled." So good I had to hug him.
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27points
#9
"I'd challenge you to a duel of wits but I refuse to fight an unarmed man."
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26points
#10
“I see you got placed in the Witless protection program”
23points
#11
I heard someone say "she would make a train take a dirt road" I couldn't stop laughing
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21points
#13
We've got a guy at work we call "Dory", because we have to retrain him after every break.
When he tries to remember something, we tell him to "just keep swimming"
When he tries to remember something, we tell him to "just keep swimming"
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20points
#14
my go to recently has been “Your teachers usually sighed when you raised your hand in class, didn’t they?”
20points
#15
One of my favourites: you seem like the person that can tell how different colour crayons taste
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19points
#16
Life is full of disappointments, just ask your parents.
Context: I had replied with the above to a man I had declined to go out with, after he’d reacted by saying “You are a disappointment.” Based on his threats of severe bodily harm, I’d guess it was one of my better insults.
Context: I had replied with the above to a man I had declined to go out with, after he’d reacted by saying “You are a disappointment.” Based on his threats of severe bodily harm, I’d guess it was one of my better insults.
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17points
#18
You're the kind of person who'd answer the door if someone tells a knock knock joke.
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16points
