A successful relationship is all about give and take. It’s no good if one side is always on the take, though. In the interest of harmony, you should attempt to keep things balanced so nobody feels taken advantage of.
For one woman, she got a clear look at her boyfriend’s all-take attitude when she got pregnant but decided to terminate it. Leading up to the abortion, her boyfriend partied it up and offered her zero comfort or support. Now she’s turned to Reddit to ask if she should end the relationship.
More info: Reddit
Relationships should feel balanced, but for this woman’s boyfriend it’s all take, take, take
Image credits: tonodiaz / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite playing his part in getting her pregnant, he’s shown her zero support, preferring to spend his time gaming
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The couple decided not to keep the baby, but since then, he’s done nothing to comfort her, preferring to party with his friends until all hours of the morning
Image credits: WhereasMaster1430
Things came to a head when she showed up at his house in tears, but he told her his being around wouldn’t make a difference, so now she's considering dumping him
OP begins her tale of woe by telling the community that she recently found out she was 5 weeks pregnant and that, since the discovery, her boyfriend has shown her little support, preferring to stay at home gaming rather than spend any time comforting her. While the couple both agreed to terminate, OP says she’s still stressed out and upset.
She adds that, despite knowing she was struggling, her boyfriend stayed out drinking with his friend until 4AM. Adding insult to injury, now that she’s started the medical abortion process and needs the most support, he’s planning another night out, which pushed OP over the edge.
She showed up at his house in tears, but he refused to cancel, saying that the birthday event had been “planned for ages” and that it made no difference whether he was around or not since it wouldn’t change anything.
OP says he didn’t so much as hug her, the couple hasn’t spoken since, and he hasn’t even contacted her to check if she’s OK. She concludes by sharing that her blood is literally boiling and wonders out loud if she should dump him.
It takes two to tango, something OP’s boyfriend seems clueless about. He refuses to face the consequences of his actions and demonstrates an immature attitude towards his responsibilities as a partner. OP has been clear about what she needs from him in terms of emotional support, but he’s just not getting it.
So, should OP kick him to the curb?
According to the eHarmony website, there are 9 signs you can’t ignore when deciding whether to split up with your partner.
Some of these include the fact that there’s no longer trust or respect, you feel stuck in the relationship, you often feel like you’re in a one-sided relationship, or your values no longer match. At least two of these red flags stick out like sore thumbs in OP’s story.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In her article for VeryWellMind, Anabelle Bernard Fournier writes that relationships end for a wide variety of reasons. Conflict is one common reason, but sometimes it involves other reasons that mean ending a relationship with someone you still care about. In this case, you have to learn how to break up with someone you love.
Firstly, acknowledge that it will cause pain on both sides. Next, have a face-to-face conversation - don’t do it over the phone or by text if you can help it.
Fournier adds that you should be honest, but not overly detailed, avoid responding to arguments, make a clean break in order to create some distance, be sympathetic, don’t shame or blame, and, finally, allow yourself to grieve the relationship.
These include not fighting your feelings, talking about how you’re feeling with friends and family you trust, remembering that moving on is the end goal, reminding yourself that you still have a future, and knowing the difference between a normal reaction to a breakup and depression.
These tips could definitely help OP should she decide to pull the plug on the relationship - something her errant boyfriend shouldn’t be surprised by.
Bored Panda reached out to licensed clinical social worker and author Robert Taibbi to get his take on the situation.
When we asked him what he thought of the boyfriend's lack of support, he had this to say, "The boyfriend is clearly being insensitive especially if his partner clearly told him how upset she was."
Taibbi adds, "That said, the real issue is why did he did what he did — often what we see as someone’s bad behavior is their bad solution to an underlying problem — like he felt guilty about the pregnancy or was against the abortion but didn’t say or uses alcohol to manage strong feelings."
We asked Taibbi for one piece of advice he'd offer OP, and he responded, "She needs to have that conversation with him — see if he can explain why he did what he did in an honest not defensive way and apologize. If he can’t, gets defensive or dismisses her feelings, especially if this is part of larger pattern on his part, she’s done."
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Has she dodged a bullet? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers slammed the boyfriend for his lack of self-awareness, told OP that she could definitely do better and that he deserved to be ditched
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
