Nobody wants to be second best because it makes people feel like they’re not good enough. This is especially true in relationships, where everyone wants to be prioritized and cherished by their partner. If they ever find out that their loved one is pining after someone else, it can leave them shaken to the core.
This is what happened to a woman who found her boyfriend in tears due to a post about his ex’s engagement. She was heartbroken when she realized that her partner was still in love with his ex and wanted her back.
More info: Reddit
When someone is still in love with their ex, they need to be honest with their current partner about their feelings
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her boyfriend had one ex who he still kept in touch with and that one day, she found him crying over her engagement photos
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man kept breaking down twice a week, and this went on for two months, which concerned his girlfriend, who felt that his ex had said something to him
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster decided to leave the man after snooping through his chats and finding out that he had tried to convince his ex to take him back
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
What irked the poster even more was that her boyfriend proposed to her out of the blue, and she felt he only did it because his ex had moved on
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman eventually left her boyfriend and blocked him, but he kept trying to contact her through her friends by telling them false stories about what happened
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man became even more pushy and started calling the poster using different numbers; she then decided to get her number changed
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman felt sad and confused by her ex’s behavior and that she had been the second-best option for him, so she decided to start going to therapy
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster’s dad helped her mail her engagement ring back to the man, and she heard from folks that he had gone to New York to win his ex back
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In a later update, the woman shared that she had started working as an intern and had a crush on the person who hired her
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Although the woman had been through a lot because of her ex, she felt that she had done right by ending the relationship
The woman shared that her relationship had been going smoothly for three years until one day, she found her boyfriend crying. When she went through his phone, she found that he had been looking at photos of his ex’s engagement on Facebook. It seemed like he was still pining for her and felt bad that she had moved on.
Nobody wants their significant other to still be hung up on a past lover; that’s why Bored Panda reached out to Sandy Weiner to find out how to handle such a situation. Sandy is the Chief Love Officer at ‘Last First Date,’ an internationally known TEDx speaker, a dating and relationship coach, author, and podcast host.
She has written three books and hosts two popular podcasts: ‘Last First Date Radio’ and ‘The Woman of Value Podcast.’ She believes it's never too late to have the life and love you want! Sandy explained that “many people begin dating others before they've worked through strong feelings about an ex (which can be love or hatred).”
“These unresolved issues often have nothing to do with that ex. They run deeper and go back to how this person was raised by their caregivers or parents. If they don't do the ‘work’ in therapy, they will continue to repeat these patterns of staying hooked to the ‘one that got away’ instead of moving on to fall in love with someone else.”
It definitely seems like the woman’s boyfriend still had strong feelings for his ex-girlfriend. Even though they had dated almost seven years earlier, he kept in touch with her and always seemed to know what she was up to. This is not healthy because it means that he wasn’t valuing his current partner and was doing her a disservice by giving in to his feelings for another person.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP eventually confronted her boyfriend about his feelings for his ex. She expected him to open up about it, but instead, he threw her a curveball and proposed to her. Although the woman did want to get married to her partner, she felt that he was only doing something like that because his ex had moved on.
We asked Sandy what a person can do if they find out their partner still has feelings for their ex. She said, “I recommend getting curious first as to what those feelings are and what they mean to the partner. If there's still a strong longing for the ex, therapy is the way to go.”
“Otherwise, this person won't be fully available for the relationship they're currently in. If the ex refuses to go to therapy, I believe it's best to end the relationship and find someone who's emotionally available,” she added.
It is good that the woman eventually moved on and left her boyfriend because she later found out that he had gone to New York to try and win his ex back. He even tried to convince her to leave her current partner. This all reinforced the OP’s decision and made her realize that she never wanted to be anyone’s second choice.
What advice would you give to someone who’s stuck in a relationship like this? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Folks were glad that the woman ended the relationship and were shocked by the audacity of her ex-boyfriend
