#1
Let's face it. Some, or many, of your first dates are not going to go well. And that's okay. The whole point of that initial meet-up is to see whether you two hit it off.
According to one study, it takes less than 20 minutes for the average American to know if they want a second date. 2,000 people took part in the Avocado Green Mattress/One Poll survey, which found that most participants placed greater value on manners (51%), personality (48%), and conversational skills (47%) than physical appearance (44%).
While conversational skills ranked high, many said certain topics of conversation would put them off seeing their date again. More than half felt that talking about sex would be a red flag. Religion and exes were also listed as taboo topics for first date banter.
#2
#3
So how do you politely end an awkward, or to put it bluntly, awful date? By being honest, say some experts. But not brutally honest.
“It was nice getting to know you, and I appreciate you coming to [insert date location]. But I’m not feeling a romantic connection,” is the line couples therapist Meredith Prescott suggests you use.
She adds that if there was something specific you didn’t like (for example, they ordered without you or didn’t offer to split the bill), you can tell them that too, while including, “I appreciated us trying to get to know each other, but this isn’t what I am looking for in a partner.”
#4
We did and during that date he just started talking about how gay people were "disgusting". I noped out immediately, explaining why.
He then text me for over a month after asking to meet again and denying he said that. He definitely said it.
Fast forward to another first date a few months later and we are swapping bad date stories. I shared my homophobic date story and this dude goes quiet and then says "so you just left immediately?" I try and joke through it, saying "god, don't tell me you also don't like gay people" and he says something about how he just doesn't want to be exposed to it and he thinks Pride month is wrong and that being gay should be kept away from the mainstream.
So apparently I'm a magnet for homophobes.
#5
My mind is racing, critiquing everything I said over drinks all the way to my performance. Still confused, I go into the bathroom to pee and see the toilet is completely overflowed. There's poo water everywhere and little globules of it floating in the bowl. Poor girl must've let out an explosion, clogged the toilet, and just bolted in embarrassment. All while my drunk bum slept it off just 20 feet away.
It's really sad too, she was cool as hell. We could be laughing about this on an anniversary, but instead she chickened out and ran.
There WAS a plunger there, and she clearly had made an effort to fix the situation, I noticed.
#6
I suggested a cool local spot, and could tell immediately that she wasn’t feeling it once we got there. She said she was uncomfortable because there weren’t a lot of “people like us” around. No biggie, plenty of queer people prefer to be around at least a few other queer people, and she was new to town from a slightly larger city.
So I take her to another, more openly queer spot. She proceeds to tell me all about her heroine use and her sobriety (while drinking a beer), and tells me how proud she is to have been clean for a full thirty days. And look, thirty days is a big deal, but I’ve dated two alcoholics who couldn’t stay sober, I had no interest in doing it again.
But just as I’m about to politely wrap it up, she looks around and goes “this place is much better. Everyone is white”.
The whole time she meant that the other place had NO OTHER WHITE PEOPLE. It didn’t even occur to me.
I laughed in her face and told her she was going to really struggle in her new majority Black city and that she needed to get an uber.
It can be tempting to lie if you want to end a bad date early. But Prescott says it's important to remember that you don’t owe the other person an excuse or explanation, "so getting into fabricated details is unnecessary."
She adds that lying should always be a last resort. “You can tell a white lie, but you may want to think about how you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed,” explains the expert. “Think about your values and how they play a role in dating.”
And be warned: the one lie you do not want to tell is, "It's been great, let's do this again another time."
#7
I was 21 years old and went to a concert with my best friend. Me and the bassist for the opening band catch each others eyes several times. His band ends up hanging out to the side of the stage when they finish their set, so we can still see each other. We continue eye flirting, smiling, etc. until the concert is over and he makes his way over to me.
He seems really down to earth and funny, good vibes all around, so we decide to go to a bar together across the street. We’re there for all of 5 minutes and he goes to kiss me, quickly shoving his tongue down my throat. I go to pull away and he latches onto my bottom lip with his teeth in a literal death grip. I eventually rip myself away in a panic and end up covered in blood.
Right around this point the bartender notices, asks me if the guy is bothering me, sees the blood, and immediately kicks him out. Apparently they knew of him and this bartender was pissed that he was even let in.
#8
It did not.
#9
GQ's crew agrees. "If you aren’t going to text her again, don’t say that you are. If you aren’t into a woman, don’t give her signs that you are," they warn. "You’re not going to break her heart or anything—it’s been one date. She will not be mad. You’re not in trouble. So don’t lie."
They add that this doesn't mean you have to tell the person you never want to see them again, nor do you have to give a reason for feeling this way. "You just have to refrain from implying that you will see her again, that you’re really into her, or that you will be following up with her soon," they advise.
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#11
Then he mentions when he goes back to visit, she gets lonely and it's just habit now for him to sleep in her bed, spooning her. I tried to keep my expression flat because I don't want to be judgmental, but he laughed about how awkward it is waking up the next day to make sure she doesn't end up feeling morning wood. I stumble through the rest of the conversation and eventually manage to extricate myself and don't message him again for another date.
Ran into him a few years later when I go into a different sub shop, same franchise. I decide I'm going to be breezy and just order, but the first thing he says is, "I have Girlfriend now." Bro, you capitalized that verbally, and I'm just here for a veggie on nine-grain wheat. Tell Mother she should use a body pillow.
#12
I was in medical school at the time.
And what happens if your date feels things went swimmingly and suggests a second get-together?
Well, you could always thank them for the evening/afternoon/morning, and send a short but polite text the next day, saying that this is not what you're looking for or something along those lines. Don't waste their time, and don't waste your own either.
"The kindest thing to do for yourself and the other is to be up front and end your time together," says Australian counselor Kimberley Lee.
#13
#14
She then sat down in the middle of a busy street and just screamed at the top of her lungs until the police showed up. They knew her by name, put a Hannibal Lecter mask on her, tossed her in the back of their van and drove away.
She tried to reach out for a second date about a week later and I commend her for her efforts.
#15
Lee believes that even the worst dates have something to offer.
"Every date is valuable if you can also make space to practice gentle self-reflection: what did you learn about yourself? How can you use the experience to refine your dating approach or mindset? Or can you simply appreciate yourself for leaning into the adventures of dating and let the 'bad dates' fade into your dating history?"
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#17
We met at an upscale sushi restaurant in Manhattan Beach and it was a beautiful sunset. So we order our drinks and some sushi, and he starts out by criticizing how I was using my chopsticks. That was just the beginning.
He proceeds to tell me that he dated Cameron Diaz before she was famous and that she had the nose of a (enter really, really bad racial pejorative). I think I dropped my chopsticks on the floor after that one. I was trying to figure out how to get out of this without making a scene.
At the beginning and during the date, he starts going to the bathroom every 15 minutes and sniffling on his way back to the table. After the third time, he had white powder on his nostril.
I ask, "are you doing snow in the bathroom?", and he answers, "yes, would you like some?".
I should have walked out right there, but I couldn't pick my jaw up off the floor. I refused his offer and he starts to beg me to call him the next day and that he really wanted to see me again. All of this before we even get the check, which I walked up to the waitress to get.
I gave the waitress my credit card right where she stood and I pay just to speed up the process for my escape. On our way out back to the parking lot he is begging me (again) to see him again and call him the next day. And I mean really begging me and saying, "all of my other dates never call me again". I didn't respond and got into my car and got out of there quickly.
Worst date of my life, and I've been on a lot of dates. It's also one reason why I'll never online date again.
#18
#19
We were supposed to go out to eat after, so I figured okay, I'll pay for this, I'm sure he will pick up the tab in the restaurant. We played games for hours, and my card was down almost $100. The majority of that was from him. We were supposed to go to a mid-level restaurant, but he said he wanted to go to this buffet where you pay in advance. We drove separately and met at the cashier where he says, "So how are we going to do this?" He was letting me know he wasn't going to pay for my $12 meal. He wasn't fun gaming with either. Big Dud.
#20
