Wedding anniversaries are a big deal, especially these days when almost half of them end in divorce. Data shows that the average marriage lasts 13 years in the U.S. and the UK, so going past 20 years is a feat in itself.
These parents were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, and the sons decided to surprise them with a trip to a beachfront rental. A slight miscommunication happened, though: one brother forgot to include the $3,400 cost.
That didn’t stop him from taking the credit and basking in his parents’ praise. His brother’s wife, however, wasn’t about to sit back and let him lie to everyone, so she sought online advice on whether it would be fair to expose him like that.
A couple of brothers planned a sweet anniversary vacation for their parents’ 40th wedding anniversary
However, one brother didn’t pay his half, yet still took the credit
Siblings don’t argue about money often, but most assume they’re more well-off than their brother or sister
Planning extended family vacations can be hard, even when you don’t have a sibling like the brother in this story ruining it all for you. Interestingly, these kinds of trips usually go the other way around — parents pay for their adult children.
At least that’s how it’s supposed to be, according to most adults. In a 2023 poll, Newsweek asked Millennials whether they or their parents should pay for extended family vacations, and a surprising 50% said “yes,” while 43% said “no.”
The most common reason for wanting parents to cover vacations even when they were well into adulthood was that they simply couldn’t afford it. And thinking about this story, it’s probably why the brother didn’t pay the couple back — he simply couldn’t afford it.
Conversations about money are not easy, especially when you’re struggling. Surprisingly, many people say they can count on their loved ones when it comes to discussing financial topics. According to the 2017 Ameriprise Family Wealth Checkup, only 15% of siblings have arguments about money.
The brothers in this story may have fallen into that category, as the respondents admitted that when they do argue with their brother or sister about money, it usually has something to do with their parents. The most common topics include dividing the inheritance, whether one sibling supports the parents more than the other, and whether the parents are doling out financial support equally.
Another interesting dynamic came out in the study, though: most people think they’re doing better than their siblings financially, are more confident in their decisions and outlook for the future, and see themselves as more responsible than their siblings. Experts speculate that much of this is another form of sibling rivalry.
Asking someone to repay you almost always negatively impacts a relationship
Borrowing money can feel embarrassing, but so can asking someone to pay you back. Sometimes, when it’s a person close to you, like a sibling, the shared history makes it even harder to be tactful and ask for that money back.
The experts at Cobra Financial Solutions recommend these four steps:
- Don’t be afraid to be direct. Direct doesn’t mean tactful, but the brother in this story should confront the BIL about not paying his half of the vacation costs. Approach it calmly and respectfully, but let them know that this is not what was agreed upon and not how lending works.
- Be prepared for the relationship to suffer. Almost no outcome in such a situation includes a perfectly happy ending where no one gets offended, embarrassed, or angry. Before making any move, consider what you’re willing to let slide in favor of the relationship and what the non-negotiables are.
- Be flexible. Perhaps the brother is in a tough financial situation and feels ashamed — offer them a chance to pay the sum in increments. In some cases, you might need to capitulate and accept only partial repayment.
- Hire a personal debt collector. This might seem harsh, especially if you decide the sum of money is not worth it. However, some people might desperately want or need the money back, and the option is available.
Some commenters advised the couple to be petty, others cautioned them not to ruin the sibling relationship and get their parents caught in the middle of the drama
