Everyone tries to help their family the best way they know how. Sometimes, that's through small gestures that may mean the world. Other times, we offer them our home.
Unfortunately, life has a way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect them. Whether it's a job that went bust or an unexpected loss, we never know when we might need a roof over our heads. Just like in today's story, when a man suddenly found himself alone with his two kids and had to rely on the help of his brother and sister-in-law — perhaps a little too much, though.
Read more: Reddit
Nothing can get you ready for losing someone close to you, and grief is a daunting feeling that we all experience at some point in our lives
Sometimes, it comes faster than we think, and a man had recently lost his wife and was suddenly left caring for his two kids by himself
Since he hadn't been able to work, he had to leave his apartment, and in a heartbeat, his brother and sister-in-law took him in, alongside the children
But soon enough, the sister-in-law realized she was being used as a free nanny, as the man constantly relied on her to care for his own kids' needs, even a simple change of diaper
Image credits: AITA1130933
The woman lost it after she realized the dad played video games while she cared for his kids, and completely went off on him, which led to the family calling her out
The Original Poster of today's story is a sister-in-law who was suddenly put in a difficult situation. She starts off by explaining that her brother-in-law, "Conner," suddenly lost his wife a year prior. During this time, he wasn't able to secure a job, and her parents-in-law weren't able to cover his rent either. So, together with her husband, they decided to let him and his two kids stay with them temporarily.
While she initially agreed happily, she soon realized things wouldn't work out as expected. Turns out, Conner immediately started taking advantage of the OP's goodwill. Instead of taking care of the children himself, he would constantly tell them to go to "auntie." Diaper changes, food, cleaning — everything that comes with being a parent, she'd end up doing. Because he was "overwhelmed."
Now, she explains that she works from home, but the moment they moved in, she warned them that she couldn't stop working to accommodate their needs. Lo and behold, she suddenly had a nephew who had wet himself right outside her office door in the middle of a meeting. All while the dad was playing video games. She immediately lost it and told him she wasn't the kids' mother.
After that, the man left the house, and suddenly, she was seen as the villain. Her husband, who is a dentist and isn't home most of the day, said that her feelings were valid, but that her words were hurtful. Her parents-in-law, however, took a much less diplomatic approach and immediately accused her of lacking empathy — despite the fact that she was the one who offered up her home when...well, they didn't.
So, not to play devil's advocate, but Conner's situation is quite complex because of the grief involved. After losing his wife and experiencing spousal loss, psychologists often point out that the surviving parent may experience "grief-induced regression." This means he may be using video games as an escape mechanism rather than simply being incompetent as a father.
That is, however, not necessarily an excuse to leave all of his children's responsibilities to his sister-in-law, specifically. Research has shown that women who work from home often take on significantly more housework and childcare than their male counterparts. In this case, she's not even the mother of the children she's caring for, adding a whole new layer to this unpaid labor.
But all in all, the woman didn't react badly. She set a boundary by reminding the dad that she wasn't the kids' mother, even if that boundary probably should have been established from the get-go. What experts suggest is trying not to change Conner, but instead reinforcing those boundaries by locking her door and refusing to take care of the kids — if she chooses to keep housing the three of them, that is.
Obviously, the man isn't responsible for his circumstances, and netizens know that. So much so that plenty of responses suggested he seek mental health support, potentially from a grief professional who could help him cope and find the strength to move forward. And, of course, no one believes the OP was in the wrong. But what would you do in her position? Kick the family out, or let them stay with you?
While everyone sympathized with the grief the man had been feeling, no one deemed the woman the jerk in the story
