What kind of wedding takes place without incidents and all sorts of unpleasant adventures? Perhaps the miraculous ceremony, which we described in a recent post, but this, let’s be honest, is rather an exception to the rule. Usually, various kinds of problems begin at the stage of preparation for the wedding.
For example, in the process of compiling a guest list. This is what happened to this mother of a soon-to-be bride, who shared her story in the AITA Reddit community and collected over 8.5K upvotes and around 4.1K different comments. However, this story goes back to a much more distant past - or rather, to the time when the now-bride was just a teen...
More info: Reddit
The author of the post got divorced many years ago but her relationship with her daughter has stayed very strained anyway
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
The situation worsened when the woman re-married a guy with his own daughter, 2 years younger than the author's
Image credits: u/anonymous
The girls didn't get along at all - and to this day, their relationship can be described as mutual hostility
Image credits: Alem Sánchez (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/anonymous
So when the author found out that her bio daughter didn't invite her stepsister to her upcoming wedding, she threatened to not attend either
So, meet the Original Poster (OP), who got divorced many years ago, and whose husband, according to her own assurances, did everything to badmouth her in front of their own daughter. Well, the mother claims that the man didn’t achieve his goal 100 percent - however, her relationship with her daughter remained tense.
Especially after some time, when the OP re-married a guy who also had a daughter, 2 years younger than the author’s bio daughter. And the relationship between the girls didn’t work out literally at first sight. At first, as the author admits, the instigator of any fight was her bio daughter, but over the years the situation developed into stable mutual hostility.
So now both women are in their mid-20s, and the OP's biological daughter is getting married soon. As far as the author knew, the wedding would be large-scale - even the bride’s school friends, whom she hadn’t seen for many years, were invited. How surprised and upset she was when she found out that her stepdaughter was not on the list of future guests at all.
In a private conversation, the bride-to-be first said that she was planning 'an intimate wedding,' to which her mom objected that she had seen the guest list. Then the daughter replied that she wasn’t going to invite her stepsister, because “she’s not family.”
And here the original poster lost it. She stated that if the stepsister “isn’t family” for the bride, then she and her husband also “aren’t family,” and in that case, she also sees no point in attending the reception. The bride, of course, was upset - and it all ended with the fact that now numerous relatives consider the author a huge jerk for doing and saying so. And she, in her own words, was just trying to “restore justice...”
Image credits: Nika Zhorzholiani (not the actual photo)
Well, the key question in this situation, it seems to us, is whether the mom of the bride has the right to influence the compilation of the guest list for the wedding. And here, according to experts, there is one key parameter that determines literally everything. Money. Like, indeed, in almost any life situation...
“Anyone who helps finance your wedding may feel they have an authoritative say in who does (or doesn’t) come to your wedding,” Zola wedding service official bolg claims. But even in this situation, according to the author of the quoted article, newlyweds should not be too compliant. "This is not their party - it’s still yours. Agreeing to help pay for the wedding should be agreeing to maintain an event suited for you and your partner."
"Traditionally, both sets of parents get a say on who is invited to a wedding - particularly if they are contributing to the wedding fund," the UK-based wedding service Hitched blog article also claims. "It goes without saying that when it comes down to it, it’s your decision and not theirs, but to avoid unnecessary friction, it usually makes sense to loop mom and dad in early, and certainly before you consider posting any save the dates."
Thus, even if the original poster made a significant financial contribution to her daughter's wedding (and she would probably write about it if she did), the newlyweds still had the final say. People in the comments to the post also unanimously agree with this.
“There is a say in weddings ‘Guests do not invite,’” one of the commenters reasonably wrote. “It's your daughter's right to invite who she feels confident with and even if you disagree it's not your place to question this.” “Who died and made you the wedding guest list police?” another one questioned with some truly caustic sarcasm.
In general, people in the comments sincerely believe that the original poster simply prefers her stepdaughter above the biological daughter here. “Tell me your stepdaughter’s the golden child without telling me she’s the golden child,” another person claimed. So do you, our dear readers, agree with this point of view? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below the post.
However, people in the comments criticized the woman heavily, claiming that it's her daughter's right to choose who to invite to her wedding, and not the mom's
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
