"You don't have to give birth to someone to have a family. We're all family - an extended family," were the words once said by Sandra Bullock, an adoptive mom herself, who actually got her Oscar for the role of another adoptive mom. So, it's not always the person who brought you into this world who is your closest person ever.
The user u/microwaveablepasta, the narrator of our story today, wasn't lucky because her biological mom gave her away for adoption as a baby. Still, she was truly lucky to have great adoptive parents who gave her a home and love and did their best to raise her as a decent person. And then her birth mom suddenly appeared…
More info: Reddit
Thousands of kids enter the foster care system every year, and let's be honest, only a few of them are lucky enough to find a really loving adoptive family
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is one of 3 adoptive kids in her family, and she sincerely believes her adoptive mom is her true mother
Image credits: karlyukav / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author knows that the reason her birth mom gave her away was the fact that she was an "affair child," and her two half-siblings still live with their bio mother
Image credits: pacoocimage / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently, the birth mom found her phone number and got in touch with the daughter, only to ask for money
Image credits: microwaveablepasta
The author, however, flatly refused and brushed off all attempts to play the "we're all family" card
So, the Original poster (OP) is now 21 years old and grew up in a foster home. She has two siblings, also adopted, and her younger stepsister has always been curious about her biological parents. As for our heroine, she knows who her birth mother is, but has never expressed any particular desire to meet or communicate with her.
The thing is, the author was one of three kids born to her mother, and the other two half-siblings still live with her. Apparently, it was because the original poster was an "affair child." Just agree, it's incredibly painful and unpleasant to feel unwanted. However, the OP had her adoptive mother, whom she always considered her true mom.
And then, recently, our heroine's younger stepsis gave her contact information to her biological mom, despite her obvious reluctance. She got in touch with the author and, after a bunch of beautiful but unnecessary words, discovered the true motive for this meeting. Money. Of course, money. This lady asked for money from her daughter, whom she had given away two decades ago.
Needless to say, the author flatly refused. The mother tried to play the "we're one family" card, but to no avail. According to our heroine, her real mother is the woman who sang her lullabies, took her to school, and kissed her goodnight every given evening. And she doesn't need another mom at all. Especially since, apparently, she only wanted money and nothing more.
Image credits: oleksandrakebal / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Statistics show that the number of children entering the foster care system has remained virtually unchanged over the past ten years in the USA, although there is a slight downward trend (possibly related to the overall decline in the birth rate). Nevertheless, sooner or later, many children, after becoming adults, are interested in meeting their biological parents.
The authors of this study, published on the Adoption & Birth Mothers website, argue that it was previously believed that the main motive for adoptees to search for their birth mothers was dissatisfaction with their adoptive parents. However, subsequent studies have refuted this assumption. Two models of such motives are now being identified: search as an adventure, and search as therapy.
As for the main motives for birth mothers seeking contact with their adult biological children, researchers highlight, first and foremost, the desire to ensure that the child is well after adoption. They also identify an attempt to "make up for lost time" or to atone for their guilt in one way or another. Interestingly, none of the researchers mentions asking the adult child for money among the motives.
Most people in the comments agreed that our heroine acted absolutely correctly and even urged her to block her hapless bio mom and to call out her stepsister for giving out her phone number behind her back. In any case, according to the responders, the OP was lucky enough to have a decent true mom, and that's enough. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
Most commenters gave our heroine their fullest support and urged her to go no contact with that toxic lady pretending to be her mom
