You know, as the saying goes, you can't choose your family. It isn't a lie, you really can't, at least most of the time. What you can choose is whether to be in contact with them when you grow up.
Whether it's due to the toxic situation or just simply not having space for them in your life, it all depends on the context you're in. Today's story is a perfect example of how this choice looks in practice, but of course with a twist of drama – breakups, make-ups, guilt-tripping, and all that. Everything that makes an entertaining family drama. So, without further ado, let's jump in, shall we?
More info: Reddit
You can't choose who your family is, but what you can choose is whether to stay in contact with them or not
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In this story, a man found himself at a crossroads when, out of the blue, his birth family started showing an interest in having a relationship with him
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The problem was that the man himself didn't really have any interest whatsoever
Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)
For him, his adoptive family was perfect – they raised him in a loving home, where he was never treated as 'less than' just because he was adopted
Image credits: Lachleeyonno
And so, he didn't give in to the birth family's guilt-tripping to be in contact with them – he simply didn't need them
The OP was adopted by a loving family when he was an infant and was raised in a loving and happy home. The parents never treated their biological and adoptive children differently, never lied about circumstances or the way their family was formed, and never even demonized the families the adoptive children were adopted from. Essentially, they were the parents any adoptee would dream of.
One day, seemingly out of the blue, his birth family reached out, but he didn’t feel like answering them. In fact, it took him a while to do so. The people who wrote to him turned out to be his birth parents, who wanted to tell their story.
Apparently, they broke up 5 years after the original poster’s birth, but then got back together after a while and had more kids, who were interested in meeting their sibling – him. That’s why they found and reached out to him. Yet, even hearing their story and reasoning, the OP was set in his ways – he didn't want to do anything with them.
Granted, he isn't the only person who was adopted and now doesn't want to get in touch with their birth family. Statistics of the American Adoption Congress show that around 35% don't want to meet their biological parents after adoption.
In the case of the post's author, since he was given away at such a young age, it's likely that he has no proper memories of them, so it's not like there is anything he wants back – he never really had it.
What he had was a loving adoptive family. As he said himself, it isn't in his nature to wonder about what didn't happen; instead, he prefers to celebrate what did. Of course, among the adoptees that belong to the aforementioned statistic, the reasons for their decision don't have to be the same as this man's.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
At the end of the day, not every adopted kid has as great a childhood as the OP did. So, they might hold a grudge towards those who forced them into such a life by giving them away. Even if the folks who raised them weren’t bad, the person might still feel abandoned by their biological parents and simply not be ready to face them.
The latter reason can especially apply to those cases where they were the sibling that got adopted out, while others stayed in the family. Sounds similar to the author’s case, doesn’t it? Yet, it doesn’t mean that this is the reason behind his refusal to accept his birth family. As he explained himself, he doesn’t hold a grudge or anything; he simply doesn’t have a place in his life for them.
While this sounds like a good enough reason to us, given his circumstances, the birth family thought it was unfair. So they kept reaching out without taking a hint of him blocking them. Such persistence made him question his actions – maybe he was being a jerk rejecting them?
Well, in the netizens’ eyes, the OP wasn’t a jerk. As they pointed out, the family gave him up years ago, so they have no say in how he should react to them right now. The saying “blood’s thicker than water” doesn’t really apply here – yes, they’re blood relatives, but nothing more than that. The man doesn’t owe them anything, and they should respect his wishes instead of taking his “no” as a push to guilt-trip him.
What do you think? Do you agree with the netizens’ take here? Or do you think that the man should accept his birth family with open arms? We’re ready to hear out all your takes in the comments!
Netizens thought that his choice was completely OK and that the family was overly pushy, and that by giving him away, they also gave away his acceptance of them
