Voluntarily involved grandparents are in fact an incredible gem for any parents, and it's really hard to disagree with that. Perhaps, only with one important clarification: if these grandparents understand that they won't be the center of the situation, and perceive themselves as assistants, and not leaders of the whole process.
The story we're going to tell you today, from the user u/raindrops_dropping, tells about a similar case. The author is a mom-to-be, and she has been desperately trying, before the upcoming birth of her baby, to escape undue attention from her own father. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves, and tell you everything in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is a mom-to-be and the only problem she has been facing before childbirth is her dad's relentless attention
Image credits: pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man is overly excited about having his first biological grandkid - and he wants to insert himself literally everywhere
Image credits: raindrops_dropping
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He desperately wants to come first to hold the baby and to kiss his forehead - even despite the daughter's wishes
Image credits: raindrops_dropping
Image credits: minervastudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author, however, wants to spend the first 12 hours after the childbirth with the baby and her partner only
Image credits: raindrops_dropping
So the mom-to-be said no to almost all of her dad's ideas, making him offended and even livid
So, the Original Poster (OP) is about to give birth to her first child, and everyone in the family, of course, is more than excited about this. It's usually believed that the expectant mom should remain as calm as possible on the eve of childbirth - however, our heroine's own father obviously doesn't think so.
Despite the author's desire to spend at least the first 12 hours after the birth with just her husband and the newborn, her dad literally wants the front-row seat. This will be the man's first biological grandchild, so he's basically demanding to be allowed to come over first and hold the baby. Well, and to kiss his forehead. Even though the OP doesn't want to allow it, especially after he did the same to her half-sister when she recently gave birth too.
The man, apparently, considers himself the center of attention during labor, and his wife supports him. In a recent convo with her mom, the OP stated that she isn't worried about dad's feelings, or anyone else's, for that matter. Only hers, her partner's, and their baby's - that's what the author believes. But the mom criticized her in return. Then she even said that the dad wanted to bring them breakfast - but the author, again, said no.
So now, just before one of the most important days of her entire life, instead of concentrating on the most significant thing, our heroine is forced to bicker with relatives and think over plans to avoid any overly intrusive attention from her own dad. For example, she and her partner are seriously considering not sharing their locations - and the OP is, of course, very upset with how things are going here.
Image credits: New Africa / Freepik (not the actual photo)
"There is a popular saying 'more Catholic than the Pope,' and some people do everything to live up to that definition," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "Despite the fact that the birth of a child is, first and foremost, a day for the parents and the baby, many grandparents in fact try to insert themselves there more than is actually needed."
"From what this woman says, her father's behavior was similar in previous such situations too - so he obviously prefers to put himself and his own interests and wishes first. Even in cases where he is obviously wrong, and this contradicts the wishes of people close to him."
"In this case, if persuasion and explanations don't really work, and are fraught, in the case of a late-stage pregnancy, with possible complications, it's actually better to delegate disputes to the spouse, or just do as this mom-to-be plans - just go no-contact until they're ready to meet all the rest. So this is in no way an overreaction," Irina sums up.
As for the commenters to the original post, they completely agreed with our heroine, and gave her a lot of advice and support in this situation. Probably the most useful advice was this - just to warn the hospital staff that she feels anxiety over having other people around, and to ask them not to let anyone in the delivery room except her partner. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
People in the comments sided with the author, and suggested she ask medical staff to just not let anyone in, except her partner
