Losing a child is a very hard thing to go through for every parent. But even in such cases, they shouldn't neglect their other children, no matter how difficult their pain is. After all, these children are still here and they need acknowledgment from their parents.
Just like today's OP, whose parents make her honor her dead twin for her birthday every year, even though all she wishes for is to celebrate it normally.
More info: Reddit
What to do when your parents haven't resolved their grief from losing a child 17 years ago?
Image credits: Steven Morrissette (not the actual photo)
This girl's parents make her mourn her dead twin every year and get angry when she asked not to do that anymore
Image credits: Caterina Berger (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wolrider YURTSEVEN (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Background_Cause7103
After her parents called her selfish for wishing to celebrate only her birthday, she left the house with her grandfather
The OP is a twin. Or was a twin, to be more specific, as her twin brother died a few hours after birth. After that happened, their mother went into deep depression, but with time she got better. Still, every year during the OP’s birthday, they always honor her dead brother.
The honoring takes place by giving 5 minutes of remembrance and having candles for him on the cake (for the age he would have turned that year).
This happened up until the girl’s 16th birthday. That year she ended up in the hospital and didn’t have a celebration as always. Instead, her grandpa came to visit her at the hospital and to wish her a happy birthday. What resonated with the OP was that her grandpa wished a happy birthday only to her, not mentioning her brother. And the girl loved being acknowledged during her birthday.
So, she tried to have a conversation with her parents about celebrating only her birthday this year, but they didn’t like the idea. Their dislike of the idea became even clearer after the grandpa asked the OP what kind of cake she wanted and the girl answered that she wanted only 17 candles, as it was the age she was turning.
The parents overheard it and confronted the girl about what she was doing. They told her she needed extra candles for her brother. They added that her not wanting them was selfish.
That made the OP lose it and leave the house with grandpa. Sadly, she feels guilty about the situation and that’s why she came to Reddit - can her not wanting to share a birthday with her dead twin be justified?
Image credits: Darina Belonogova (not the actual photo)
Well, according to people online, it is justified. They unanimously decided that the parents needed to sort out their grief for their dead son without making their living daughter feel unappreciated. As netizens said, her parents are mourning lost potential instead of celebrating her existence. Luckily, quite a few commenters did not shy away from congratulating the girl on her 17th birthday and wishing she would find some more people who would celebrate her, like her grandfather.
One of the ways these parents could work through their grief would be therapy. For example, Bradley University provides 5 counseling strategies that could be used to deal with grief:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with more positive thoughts;
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - moving past grief by mindfully embracing it rather than fighting it;
- Traumatic Grief Therapy - establishing a routine to help regulate emotions and soothe the nervous system and understand that these feelings are normal;
- Complicated Grief Therapy - a mix of other forms of therapy, which help work through memories and develop healthier ways of remembrance along with strengthening coping skills;
- Interpersonal Therapy - focusing on a person's current situation and relationships.
So, let’s hope these parents decide to take on therapy or any other suitable route to work through their grief and improve their relationship with their daughter by celebrating her existence. She deserves it.
Folks online unitedly decided that her parents surely need help with their grief and congratulated the author on her 17th birthday
