While some people are better off after a divorce, others feel completely destroyed. Often, this feeling occurs when the split is caused by infidelity or another nasty surprise.
That's exactly what happened to the OP's friend. She had lived her life as a "proper" mom and wife until, one day, her husband announced that he was leaving her for his coworker. After that, the once bohemian woman transformed into a bitter friend who was difficult to be around.
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Divorce is already a difficult experience, but it becomes even harder when it’s caused by something like infidelity
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman had lived her life like a "proper" mom and wife in a bohemian family until, one day, her husband fell in love with his coworker
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This news completely destroyed the woman, as she had devoted her life to creating a family
Image credits: cookie_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After that, she became bitter and difficult to be around, which strained many of her friendships
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One of her friends went online to ask how they could help the woman cope with her bitterness, which manifested in mean comments and actions toward almost everyone
The OP and all of her friends are in their mid to late 40s and have lived near each other for years. Some time ago, one of these friends found out that her husband was leaving her for his coworker.
According to a piece in Forbes Advisor, around 60% of adults have had a workplace romance, and 43% of them led to marriage. Granted, it should be acknowledged that out of all workplace romances around 40% also involved cheating on an existing partner, something that happened to the author’s friend.
This unfortunate romance blew up both the woman’s and her child’s lives. Until then, they had been a lovely bohemian family, but now that loveliness has faded. Luckily, the friend group has been supportive and has helped the woman as much as they could. Still, the woman has struggled to come to terms with the situation.
Bored Panda's interviewee, divorce recovery coach Leah Marie Mazur, said that unexpected divorce often triggers grief similar to mourning a death. It begins with shock, denial, followed by anger, "what-ifs" and hopes for reconciliation, then sadness, loneliness, and anxiety about the future, which with time turns into healing and acceptance.
The OP's friend turned to acting out. To be more specific, over the last couple of months, she has said quite a few unkind things to her friends.
For instance, when the OP took her out for a spa day, she complained the entire time and didn’t even thank her for the costly gift. She also criticized the author’s new sweater, saying that she feels sorry for her husband and things like that.
While it's heartbreaking that the woman is acting this way, it's also normal. As the divorce recovery coach said, divorce often brings out the worst in people. "Bitterness usually stems from unresolved pain and a sense of injustice. Many people feel betrayed, disrespected, or like they wasted the best years of their life."
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The problem is that these unkind explosions make it hard for friends to communicate with the woman. In fact, a few friends have even started distancing themselves from her—they just can’t handle her way of expressing divorce grief, which, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that uncommon.
As our interviewee named it, divorce can be a "filter for friendships." Some friends distance themselves for various reasons, but "On the other hand, true friends rise to the occasion, providing the consistent support you deserve. This can actually deepen bonds with those who are genuinely there for you during hard times."
It looks like the OP is the latter type, as not wanting to lose years of friendship, she came online to ask for advice on how to deal with her friend’s bitterness, which doesn’t seem to be going away.
While the general advice would be to be there for her friend—sometimes a grieving person needs a shoulder to cry on—in this case, her feelings shouldn’t be neglected either. But, her friend keeps hurting her with her remarks, which is far from healthy.
So, a lot of netizens thought that, while it’s normal for a woman to be bitter after the life she built crumbles, it is not healthy for her friends. So, if the author feels like she can no longer handle her friend’s emotional expressions, she should distance herself as some of the others have.
The author later posted an update, in which she said that she plans to talk to the friend instead of abandoning her, although she's already lost quite a few people from her support network.
Plus, the woman found out that her ex-husband is already engaged to the woman he'd left her for and they’re expecting their first child. This doesn’t help with her battle against bitterness—she devoted her whole life to being a “proper” wife and now he has moved on to someone else. Quite a pickle, isn’t it?
Well, let’s just hope that, with the help of the OP, one day she’ll be able to recover and build a life that is not centered around being someone’s wife. The possibilities for that are endless.
People online suggested that she distance herself, but she later informed them that, instead of doing so, she’s going to talk to her friend because she doesn’t want to abandon her
