TRIGGER WARNING: The following scenes may disturb some users.
I was on a televised modelling competition earlier this year, and they gave me an ultimatum: chemically process my hair (which I had been doing for 15 years prior), or go home. NOW let me give you some back story…
My first role model was Wendy Fitzwilliam, the same judge who persecuted me to be subjected to the creamy crack again. She was the 4th black Miss Universe title holder, and she got a lot of negative backlash solely based on the colour of her skin. I always looked up to her, but she lost all my respect after this.
It took a lot of self-love for me to finally go natural. It took me 3 years to get the length I had in the video. This came at a time where I had JUST been let go from a job for racial issues, and the way I chose to style my hair (nothing in relation to my work). Following this, Sacha Cosmetics and KFC hired me to do huge campaigns for them and both clients told me that they loved my hair and not to do anything to it because it was perfect. And then this happened… you can imagine how adamant I was about leaving but…
When I weighed the pros and cons, I decided to stay. YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES I SHOULD HAVE LEFT, but looking back I told myself, I had come so far, left my JOB, looked up to Wendy, wanted to be an international model all my life, I was so close… Did I come all this way to give up now? I would always look back and wonder “what if”… So I decided to jump, hoping to win, but I came in 3rd place… You can imagine how disappointing it was making such huge sacrifices, all for nothing.
Truly, when I looked at myself in that mirror I saw 16-year-old me, ready to go to prom. At that age I WISHED I had the guts to go natural, but I was still dabbling with this awful dance of self-love and self-hate and conforming to what others wanted of me. My younger self was so disappointed, but I couldn’t go through with the makeover AND be sour for the entire show. I would have DEFINITELY gotten eliminated then. So I decided to fake it. No I really didn’t think I looked like Wendy, but it was a good line to say. No I didn’t love the hair, but I know it would have appeased Massa… I took all my attitude and swallowed it. I wasn’t me… I wasn’t truly me, and I cried about it every single night until I got it chopped off 2 months later.
And worst yet, being filmed in Jamaica, which is renowned for people profusely bleaching their skin until it turns pink… WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU SENDING AS AN ‘INDUSTRY LEADER’ on a CARIBBEAN show??? Black is not good enough? That’s what you were told, right? And that’s why you’re telling me that now…
Sidenote: they also chemically relaxed another girl’s hair, and cut off THREE WHOLE DREADLOCKS from a local Soca Artiste, Nessa Preppy, who was also on the show. DREADLOCKS people… let’s be real, this was never about a makeover. This was about shaming people for their hair, for their identity, and forcing them to conform for ratings. Meanwhile, there was a WHOLE white girl who simply got her already straight hair flat-ironed. THAT was her whole makeover… A stylist even pointed out to me that they never truly intended to give me a makeover because straight hair does not agree with my round facial features. She agrees that they just wanted the drama, so now that they are receiving backlash, I think they are getting EXACTLY what they wished for.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I just want to help empower other people like me to stand up for themselves and be true & authentic to their identity. I didn’t do it here and I horribly regret it every single day of my life. But since this has aired, I have turned down at least 2 paying jobs because the client wanted to straighten my hair and I told them ‘no’ without a second thought, and referred other models to them. I am a professional. I am a model making strides, and I do not care how long it takes, I am going to get that international contract and I am going to SLAY that runway just like Maria Borges, Ebonee Davis, Crystal Noreiga (Trinidadian model who has gone international!), to name a FEW. This is not the end for me, I will not give up. I’m already in my first year having natural hair again and I love it, my friends and family love it, my clients love it, and I know GOD loves me for who I AM.
Optional: IF you are in the area, you can check out my 20-minute documentary, Black Hair, which has been selected to screen at the 2018 Trinidad & Tobago Film Festival (Sep 21 – 25) and the 2018 Baltimore International Black Film Festival (Oct 2 – 8). I will not profit in any way from you seeing this film, but it will help to spread my message and inspire others as I talk openly about recovering from this CHEAP reality show stunt, racial episodes in my past, and being unapologetically BLACK in a society that has Eurocentric standards and expectations.
TLDR: They tried to bury me but they forgot I was a seed. Just like my hair, I will rise above it all! Keep being true and authentic to yourself.