Dealing with a narcissist can be a nightmare. It’s even worse when they’re your mother-in-law. Good communication and respect form the foundation for healthy relationships with everyone, including your in-laws. But if someone constantly ignores your boundaries, needs, and wants, you might be tempted to cut them out of your life.
Internet user u/Valkyriebw_105 vented to the ‘Two Hot Takes’ community about how, while she was on holiday when pregnant, her toxic mother-in-law secretly redecorated her entire house. Scroll down to read about the “full-blown panic attack” the author had when she realized just how much damage her MIL had done.
Dealing with narcissistic in-laws can be a nightmare. You can never know what to expect when they offer to 'help' you
Image credits: Valeriia Miller / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This woman revealed how she went on holiday while pregnant, only to come back to find that her mother-in-law had redecorated her entire house
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Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
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The author then answered some people's questions
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Image credits: Valkyriebw_105
Someone with narcissistic personality disorder usually has tense relationships. People try to avoid spending time with them
It goes without saying that it’s unethical to redecorate someone’s home and throw out some of their property without their consent. If you’re offering your help to clean their house but end up overhauling the entire building to suit your own interior design taste, you’re essentially lying. And that does an untold amount of damage to your relationship.
You cannot expect to have a healthy, positive relationship with someone if you trick them, set false expectations, and then avoid taking any responsibility for your actions. Of course, nobody changes for the better overnight. But if you want to salvage the relationship, aside from a heartfelt apology, you need to improve your self-awareness and start working on sanding the rough edges of your behavior.
That is much easier said than done if someone is an actual narcissist. They may need the long-term help of a psychotherapist to change their behavior patterns.
Someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) unreasonably believes that they are much more important than they actually are. They crave attention and want other people to admire them. They sincerely believe that they deserve special favors and praise because of who they are.
The downside, as Mayo Clinic highlights, is that narcissists lack the ability to understand or care about others’ feelings. In other words, they lack empathy. The result? Their relationships suffer: they are unfulfilling and troubled. Most people generally don’t enjoy spending time around narcissists, after all.
Moreover, beyond the facade, individuals with NPD generally have a fragile sense of self-worth. They are very easily upset at even the slightest hint of criticism.
Narcissists can, in theory, change their harmful behavior patterns. However, this requires consistent effort, patience, and, often, outside help
Meanwhile, Duke Health points out that the 9 signs of NPD spell out the acronym SPECIAL ME. Specifically:
- Sense of self-importance;
- Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success;
- Entitled;
- Can only be around people who are important or special;
- Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain;
- Arrogant;
- Lack empathy;
- Must be admired;
- Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them.
As Duke Health stresses, narcissists are not bad people. However, their behavior is problematic. “They have been conditioned to believe that they are special and deserve to be treated better than others and approach the world accordingly.”
Your relationship with them can be stressful and challenging as a result. Your mental health can suffer because narcissists constantly put themselves first and may belittle you. You aren’t powerless, however. What you can do is set healthy boundaries (and actually enforce them!) and walk away if the person with NPD ignores them.
Meanwhile, Duke Health points out that while narcissists can recover, changing their learned behaviors takes time and effort. “People with NPD do not generally seek help on their own, and if they do, it is often because of a co-existing problem, like anxiety. [...] If a person is willing to change and their therapist can help them bridge the gap between their current and desired behaviors, there is hope for recovery.”
What’s your point of view, dear Pandas? Do you think the author was right to call out her mother-in-law and block her, or did she overreact? How would you have handled the entire situation?
Do you have any narcissists among your family, friends, or coworkers who keep ignoring your boundaries? How do you deal with them in your day-to-day life? Don’t forget to share your thoughts.
Later, as the story went viral, the author revealed more details in the comments
Most people were shocked by the mother-in-law's behavior. Here's what they said about the family drama
Unfortunately, a few of the other readers experienced something similar. Here are their traumatic stories
Meanwhile, here is the final update that the author of the post shared with everyone
