“Gayfeather”: Karen’s Homophobic Rant At Home Depot Sparks Heated Exchange

Some people will take whatever opportunity they can to insult others and get offended over nothing. In some cases, the name of a simple plant can cause them to throw a fit and show their true colors and bigotry.

Redditor u/Distinct_Safety5762 regaled the internet with a story about their recent encounter with an extremely rude and homophobic baby boomer. The ‘Karen’ got mad after finding out a flower is actually called ‘gayfeather.’ Scroll down for the full story and to read how the internet reacted to the bizarre hateful encounter.

Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral story, u/Distinct_Safety5762, and they shared more context about what happened and gave some advice on the importance of calling out bigotry whenever someone witnesses it in public. You'll find our full interview with them below.

We asked the author about what went through their mind when they heard the homophobic woman start venting in the store. "When she first got upset over the name 'gayfeather' my initial reaction was one of disappointment and amusement, a sad inner chuckle over people finding any excuse to be offended or upset. Since it happened during Pride month I figured she was implying that the flower had been renamed as some sort of endorsement or company promotion," u/Distinct_Safety5762 told Bored Panda.

"At the time I did not know much about the plant but still had the common sense to assume the name was much older than the modern use of 'gay,' and this individual looked old enough to have been alive when it still was commonly used in that sense. My first response was to try and politely point this out, but with a look and tone that communicated I found her attitude and comments disgusting. I had hoped that would be the end of it. I am a pretty average-looking white guy and I encounter this sort of hostility towards homosexuality, race, and immigration, a lot in the community. People seem to assume if you’re white and don’t look flamboyantly gay you’re part of their crowd and will just parrot back their bigoted nonsense."

Bored Panda was interested in getting the OP's take on how homophobia should be handled when it's spread publicly. "Dealing with homophobia, or any bigotry for that matter, in public is tricky because the topic tends to be at the core of who both the victim and the bigot are as people. It can be difficult to keep emotion out of the encounter because both parties think they are being attacked. And there is some truth to the bigots' stance being attacked. If your core values stand for hate, contempt, and trying to make your gay neighbors move out of town, then yeah, that belief is under attack. Dealing with it in public is going to vary based on the situation, the manner in which the bigotry was presented, and what the victim hopes to achieve by confronting it," u/Distinct_Safety5762 shared.

However, they added that some situations might present a good opportunity to actually start a dialogue, work through ignorance, and destroy stereotypes. "Other times might just be telling a bully to just shut up and that their comments aren’t welcome. I think bigotry will always exist within society, unfortunately. Some people have the capacity to grow and change their views, some willingly choose not to. But if you see it or experience it, at least stand up to it."

According to the author, it can be tough to find ways to encourage people like the woman he met to be more tolerant and open-minded. "Our interaction was brief, I know nothing about her other than what occurred. Don’t know where she came from, her life story, or what shaped her views. But I do know that we both live in a large, urbanized, diverse community. She looked old enough to have witnessed the social changes of the last 60 years," u/Distinct_Safety5762 explained to Bored Panda.

"There’s bigotry born of ignorance, people who are raised in small, isolated communities surrounded by nothing but people like them and essentially indoctrinated into their views because they have no perspective on a larger world. And then there’s willful bigotry, where you know there’s a diverse world out there, despise it, and do what you can to either drive the others away or try and eradicate them. Some people will never accept others and the best that can be hoped for is the 'tolerance' of keeping their opinions to themselves. In general, though I think just being the neighbor you want to have can break down deeply held and often inaccurate beliefs about what others do, want, and are."

The author told us that the response to their post blew them away. There were a lot of critics who second-guessed the story. "A lot of people tried to pick it apart, deny it, accused me of making it up to push the 'gay agenda.' Apparently, 'gayfeather' is a less common name, so detractors really latched on to that as their source for my pushing a fake story. It didn’t even end once I published a picture of the pot with the store’s label and the plant's name, but switched to implications I had made the label myself! Anything to deny that homophobia this petty occurs."

The redditor said that they purposefully left out any mention of their sexuality in the story. "It’s irrelevant and like everyone’s sexuality, is nobody else’s business but their own. It seems most respondents assume I am gay, which adds to the idea that I’m pushing a narrative, making up a story for attention, or just gets me hateful insults. What is important is whether you are a member of the group being targeted or not, stand up to ANY form of bigotry however it is expressed." According to the author, this might start a dialogue and help change people's views. Alternatively, it lets jerks know that "their hate and prejudice is not welcome and they’ll think twice before spewing it in public again."

The flower that u/Distinct_Safety5762 is referring to is Liatris spicata. It’s a herbaceous perennial flowering plant in the family Asteraceae, and is also known as the dense blazing star, prairie feather, gayfeather, and button snakewort. It’s known by other names, too, including Liatris callilepis, button snakeroot, Kansas gayfeather, and spike gayfeather.

It’s native to the eastern part of Northern America and grows in moist prairies and sedge meadows. However, now, it’s a garden flower grown in many countries around the globe.

Gayfeather has tall spikes of purple flowers that look similar to feathers or bottle brushes. The flower is great for attracting pollinators and friendly insects, from a wide range of butterflies to bumblebees and bees. It also attracts birds like hummingbirds.

Traditionally, the plant, most often its root, was used for various medicinal purposes. These days, gayfeather can be used to treat a sore throat by gargling an infusion of it. The flower also works as a herbal insect repellent, and can be found in potpourri.

It sounds utterly ridiculous that somebody would get upset over the name of a plant having the word ‘gay’ in it. However, that’s the reality of the world we live in.

Some folks make mountains out of molehills and can’t wait to find a reason to get offended. Their way to make sense of the world is to look through the lens of conspiracies. They politicize what’s not political because they desperately want the world to fit their perspective.

But even setting all of this aside, it is beyond rude to go on a rant like this in public. Insulting a whole group of people over a flower is not how you make your local community or society as a whole better. Hate erodes the social fabric.

The Hill reports that, according to the FBI, anti-LGBTQ+ hate crimes rose by 19% from 2021 to 2022 in the United States. The Bureau received 11.6k hate crime incident reports in 2022, overall, the majority of which targeted Black people.

In 2022, 622 anti-LGBTQ hate crimes were reported while anti-transgender hate crimes reached 338 incidents.

According to forensic psychologist Karen Franklin on PBS, the roots of anti-gay violence in the United States aren’t as clear-cut as one might think. These attitudes don’t just spring from hatred or repressed homosexuality, according to her. They have more to do with cultural norms than individual hatred.

These attitudes arise from hierarchical gender norms, peer dynamics, and economic and social disempowerment, as well as young people seeking thrills.

“In a nation that glorifies violence and abhors sexual diversity, a minority perceived to violate gender norms functions as an ideal dramatic prop for young men to use in demonstrating their masculinity, garnering social approval, and alleviating boredom,” Franklin writes.

“This becomes more true as heterosexuality increasingly becomes a primary measure of masculinity and as gay men and lesbians become increasingly visible in the media and popular culture. Furthermore, for members of economically and socially marginalized groups, gay men in particular are ideal targets because of their symbolic identification with upper-class privilege.”