Vets Tell Pet Owner There Is No Gay Test, He Loses It And Throws A Tantrum

In the age of the internet, there are a lot of folks out there who deep down believe that they are basically medical experts because they have mastered the internet search. While it never hurts to be proactive about your own health, this sort of attitude can have rather unhinged side effects, where a person can start to believe that they are suddenly an expert on all sorts of issues.

A veterinary technician shared her bizarre encounter with a boomer who walked in with his dog and demanded they test it for gayness. We got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions.

Bored Panda got in touch with the woman who shared the story and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. "This particular instance happened quite some time ago (pre-COVID), so no updates or developments. We never saw that idiot again, thankfully. I figured most folks would find it amusing. I’ve laughed about it with colleagues and other veterinary and medical providers for years now. Didn’t realize THAT many people would find it amusing, but I’m always happy to provide a laugh!"

We were also curious to hear her opinion on some of the comments. "Honestly, the best comments were from fellow veterinary practitioners combating the “this didn’t happen” naysayers. I used to work in human emergency medicine in a Level 1 trauma hospital, at that and NOTHING happened there that was weirder or more absolutely mind-boggling than the things I see and hear about in vet med. It saddens (but does not shock) me that our field had such an astronomical suicide rate. I promise that if y’all ask your readers for some of their unhinged vet med stories, you’ll find plenty that put mine to shame! The only other thing I’d add as I did in one of my comments is to implore your readers to practice grace and kindness with their veterinary providers. Folks cannot fathom what we have to put up with."

As the woman who shared this story already mentioned, dogs do often use thrusting and mounting as a dominance behavior that is wholly disconnected from their preferences. For example, their more wild relatives, the spotted hyena, will regularly perform dominance-based mounting, that is disconnected from reproduction. This doesn’t mean that animals can’t be homosexual. Researchers have found that a variety of species, from dolphins to penguins can be gay.

The real issue here is not the dog and its preferences, but that a boomer truly believes it matters and also thinks this is something that can be tested. Just to be clear, “gay tests” do not exist. Case in point, if they did, there would be a sizable demand for them from humans. After all, questioning your sexuality is a more common occurrence than many people would like to admit. The amount of angst a test like this would "fix" is immeasurable. At the very least, a "gay test" would be a funny novelty gift you get a friend. The lack of any of these options should have clued this boomer into the fact that, surprise surprise, there are not gay tests for anyone.

However, this particular boomer has decided that not only does he know better, but that it’s his “right” to demand this test for his dog. Setting aside the question of rights, again, this test does not exist. If anything, it proves that this boomer is perhaps not at all experienced with dogs, as dogs humping random things, including other dogs is annoyingly common behavior. An inexperienced dog owner with an Australian cattle dog should have our sympathy, but this fellow seems too unpleasant for that.

It’s also telling that he wants to sue the breeder, as if gayness was genetic. Common sense would argue that genetic gayness is the sort of thing that would remove itself from the gene pool, but he doesn’t seem to have gotten that far. Indeed, given the amount of stimulation and activity an Australian cattle dog needs, there is always the possibility that he just wants his money back.

Telling regular customers that these vets would kill their pets after walking out with a fully alive and no doubt confused dog is a comedy scene in of itself. As funny as that might sound, this story is still underpinned by a very real modern issue, that of medical mistrust. As a species, we’ve managed to reduce infant and mother mortality, eradicate diseases and, in general, handle significantly more conditions. But there is a large segment of the population who, having not lived through the distant past where pandemics were common and deadly, truly believe that medicine is all made up and that ultimately they know better.

There are a variety of reasons for this. Some folks have truly had bad experiences with doctors, as some specialists are rude, lazy or just not very good at their job. However, judging an entire profession off of a bad experience is just a form of anecdotal evidence that isn’t actually a great way to plan out your life. This sort of behavior also has the unfortunate side effect of making many people truly believe that a few Google searches and some random paragraphs they read on Facebook are the equivalent of medical school.

Even worse, the people with this sort of attitude are only open to new information if it truly fits their agenda. In an alternative universe, this man is a little more open minded but still wants to test his dog for gayness, perhaps just out of curiosity. After the literal vets tell him that no such test exists and it’s not even in their list of tests, he should conclude that perhaps his information was off. But, as it so often happens with deeply entitled people, they can simply never be wrong and, instead, there is some giant conspiracy in place to hide the truth from them, even when a simple walk around a dog park would prove them wrong.