"What An Odd Thing To Say": This Boundary Coach Is Teaching People Phrases To Use In Any Situation

There are a few different types of boundaries out there. The ones that usually come to mind when boundaries are brought up, though, are emotional boundaries. They relate to sharing how you feel about certain things. This can be related to various aspects in your life such as your body, your familial status, or your work. Sometimes these topics include sensitive information, so knowing how to put up a boundary there is important.

The sharing also goes both ways. Knowing what you’re comfortable saying is one thing, but knowing what you’re comfortable hearing is also important. Sometimes you do not want to be involved in someone else’s family or relationship drama. So, that’s why one needs boundaries to stop this type of oversharing.

Intellectual boundaries are quite similar to emotional ones, but it is about your beliefs, not personal experiences. They are usually related to more polarizing topics such as religion or politics. Being able to disengage and walk away from such conversations can spare you a lot of energy that is usually involved in such discussions.  

Then, there are physical boundaries that are related to touch. This has to do with your personal space as well as friendly touching such as handshakes and hugs. Sometimes, some people can simply stand too close to us and knowing how to voice that feeling politely can save us a lot of discomfort. 

If the touching is more intimate, then you’re talking about sexual boundaries. This often has to do with kissing and sexual intimacy. Often, consent plays a big part in knowing and setting your boundaries. However, it’s not only physical. When you set your sexual boundaries, you can tell your partners how much you wish to undress or not, how you wish to be spoken to, and other details.

Material boundaries are also a big deal. This is all about your finances and possessions. Here, you might consider whether lending money is an option for you and, if it is, how much and to whom you are comfortable giving. But that’s not all. Deciding whether you want to lend someone your books or your car is also a part of it, so is putting a cap on how much you are willing to spend on a trip or an outing.

Then, there are time boundaries as well. Setting them should prevent you from overcommitting and feeling drained. To do so, you have to identify your priorities (career, family time, relationship) and let them guide you when making decisions. If your priority is spending time with family, you might want to say no to taking on extra hours at work. It is also important to prioritize yourself once in a while, and say “no” to things simply because you need some me-time.

Note that not all boundaries are always set in stone. Sometimes we push our own boundaries and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. For example, you might not feel like sharing your relationship woes with a person you just recently met. But, once you have established trust, you might feel like opening up. To know whether it’s the right move, try to listen to your gut. If sharing feels comfortable—go for it.

All in all, there are a lot of situations where drawing a line is very important. Being able to do so with one quick phrase can really help you feel more confident in your decision. So, memorize the phrases in this list that suit you and your life. Maybe next time you are stumped by a nosy question, you won’t be lost for words.