Maintaining a healthy relationship that will last for a while is hard. More and more often we hear about couples’ breakups after they looked inseparable, but somebody cheated on their partner, somebody lied or somebody wanted to take a break that looked a bit shady.
One Reddit user shared her surprise online after her boyfriend, whom she had been with for 7 years, asked to take a year-long break to find himself and asked her to wait for him.
More info: Reddit
Taking a break in a relationship may be beneficial, but it can actually mean a breakup afterwards
Image credits: Tan Danh (not the actual photo)
This woman shared that she had been in a healthy relationship with her boyfriend for 7 years, until at one point, he started acting weird
Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)
As it turned out, he said that he doesn’t feel as good as he used to and while the woman was afraid their relationship was going to end, she realized that she doesn’t deserve this situation
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Then the boyfriend came up with the idea to have a one-year break where he ‘finds himself’ and then comes back to her
Image credits: u/AcceptableBison2112
She responded that she’s not going to sit waiting, so that doesn’t work for her and she’s confused as to what she actually wants to do
A Reddit user took her story online to share with folks after her boyfriend of 7 years said that he wants to take a year-long break. He shared that he doesn’t feel happy and fulfilled and needs to ‘find himself’, expecting the woman will wait for him. The post gathered almost 2K upvotes and over 500 comments.
The original poster (OP) shares that her and her boyfriend’s relationship that lasted 7 years has been healthy. However, at one point she noticed that something was bothering him and after asking, he explained that he’s not happy with his life. OP adds that for a couple of days, they have been talking nonstop and despite endless tears, she understood that she doesn’t deserve this situation.
After more discussions, he came up with the idea to take a one-year break so he can find himself and come back to her. OP responded that that’s awful and while she loves him, she doesn’t want to sit there waiting. He then emphasized that the most important thing for him is his girlfriend’s happiness, while she’s still confused about what she actually wants.
Community members discussed that even a one-month break wouldn’t be good for physical and mental health and that he wants to break up and is just too afraid to make this step. “Don’t wait for him… This is an excuse and soft way of putting the decision on your shoulders instead of breaking up,” one user wrote. “Sounds like he wants to break up and try new things but is scared he will regret it/wants you waiting for him,” another added.
Also, OP posted an update months later sharing more details about the whole situation. So long story short, they decided to break up, but a month later, he realized that he had made a mistake and wanted to come back. The author was reluctant and that was actually the right call, as it turned out her ex-boyfriend had been cheating on her for quite a while. She also noted that now she feels happier than ever before.
Image credits: Viktoria Slowikowska (not the actual photo)
Now, I am sure many of us have different opinions about breaks in relationships. Some of us think that it’s never healthy, while others disagree with this statement and find it beneficial. Well, Choosing Therapy notes that what matters most in deciding whether a break is good or bad for a partnership is how the couple handles it. When they get back together, some may discover that their values and life goals are different, while others may feel more bonded.
So when is it actually a good idea to take a break and when is it not beneficial at all? If you want to resolve personal or relationship issues and stay together, but you're not sure how to do it without making things worse in the relationship, taking a break might be a smart choice. Additionally, it might be beneficial if you need to address prior trauma that might be fueling conflict in your relationship.
However, it is also a poor idea to take a break, especially if you're planning to use it to ease a breakup. Breaking up is the best course of action if you are certain that your relationship should end. It's crucial that you let your partner know if you want to use the break to decide whether or not to end the relationship.
So while many couples get back together after a break, it’s important to lay down the guidelines about it from the beginning. According to Brides, the most important rule is to make sure both of you understand the purpose of the break. Also, it’s important to have an in-person conversation about it, set ground rules and define how long the break will last.
Taking a break may be hard, but it may be beneficial if both people agree on this. However, a break is not a breakup, thus using it to ease into a breakup is never a good idea. But what do you guys think about this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors supported the author, shamed her boyfriend and shared their personal stories
