If your partner gets a new job that pays well and has great benefits, the normal thing to do is celebrate. Buy a cake, open up a bottle of your favorite soda, do a silly and goofy dance in the kitchen, and show them you’re genuinely happy for them. Sadly, some people have such low self-esteem that they see this big win as a threat.
Internet user u/floatinganonymous revealed how she found out about her insecure boyfriend’s true feelings about her new awesome job when he accidentally texted her instead of his roommate. Read on to find out what happened next, including a surprise update from the author.
Healthy couples celebrate each other's accomplishments, successes, and big wins. Not everyone got the memo, though
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This woman opened up about how her boyfriend's insecurities ruined their relationship. He felt threatened by her new well-paying job
Image credits: africaimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: floatinganonymous
Envy is a natural feeling, and you shouldn't suppress it, but you do need to learn to manage it in a healthy way
Image credits: semenay erdoğan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Envy, like many things, can undermine the connections you’re building with your significant other. If you let envy dominate your interactions, not only can it harm the relationship, but it can also lead to it ending outright. To be clear, envy is a natural feeling, and you shouldn’t suppress it. However, you should try to understand where those feelings come from and try to address the underlying problems.
In this particular case, the problem isn’t that the author would be earning more money. The main issues were probably the boyfriend’s low self-esteem, insecurities, lack of confidence, and disappointment with his own career. Instead of opening up about those feelings and having an honest chat with his girlfriend on the specific steps he could take to improve his life, he ended up lashing out at her and breaking down. You can feel empathy for the guy and feel his pain, while also recognizing that he did not do enough to grow.
Your significant other is probably envious of you if they:
- Constantly compare wages and job positions
- Feel upset when you have a moment of success
- Dole out disingenuous praise after you accomplish something
- Feel uncomfortable due to your active social life and the number of friends
- Make negative comments about your job and career-related wins
“Envy tends to happen between just the two of you and usually has to do with qualities or accomplishments you have and your partner doesn’t,” therapist Kaylee Friedman, M.A., LPC, told Verywell Mind.
Your partner must be willing to undertake some challenging inner work to change their behavior. Otherwise, it's best to break up
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According to Friedman, an envious partner might try to minimize your accomplishments and criticize the important parts of your life.
“If we process them [these emotions] well as a couple, and come up with agreements to help manage them… can be a small and normal part of a healthy relationship.”
The way to have a healthy relationship with your feelings of envy is to tackle them head-on. Focus on self-reflection, have some honest heart-to-heart chats with your partner where neither of you attacks the other, and think about going to couples therapy. However, it would be naive to think that every relationship can be saved this way. Sometimes, it’s time to part ways.
It’s likely time to break up if you rpartner is unwilling to do the hard, inner work to change their behavior, can’t reflect on their actions, and they still try to control your behavior. To be fair, this likely doesn’t make them a ‘bad’ person, but they simply don’t have the emotional skills to be in a healthy relationship.
What’s your perspective, Pandas? How would you react if your significant other felt threatened by you earning more than them? How do you celebrate your partner’s big wins, and how do they celebrate yours? What advice would you give anyone who feels insecure about their significant other being more successful than they are in life? Tell us what you think.
Netizens rushed to share their thoughts about the couple's argument. Here's their take
A few weeks later, the woman shared an update about her new job and what happened with her boyfriend
Image credits: shotprime / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: africaimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: floatinganonymous
Here's how internet users reacted to the update. Many people were happy to see how things turned out
