One of the best things that you can do in any romantic relationship is to admire the person for the unique individual that they are. If you keep comparing them to other people and your ex-partners, you might make them feel inadequate and end up hurting their feelings.
Redditor u/Cool-Minimum-5189 turned to the r/TrueOffMyChest online community with a very sensitive issue. She shared how her (now ex) boyfriend tried to get her to work out according to a specific plan so that she’d look just like his ex. Scroll down for the full story and the internet’s reactions.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the story, u/Cool-Minimum-5189, who was kind enough to tell us more about the entire situation and the importance of open and honest communication in relationships. Read on for our full interview with her.
Proper communication is absolutely fundamental to happy and healthy relationships. If couples avoid it, it can lead to a lot of trouble down the line
Image credits: DragonImages (not the actual photo)
A woman turned to the internet for help after she found out that her (now ex) boyfriend wanted her to look just like his ex-girlfriend
Image credits: BGStock72 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Cool-Minimum-5189
The author shared just how supportive and friendly the ex-girlfriend was toward her
Image credits: https: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
"The responses from Reddit have been so overwhelming but positive," the author of the post, redditor u/Cool-Minimum-5189, told Bored Panda.
"Before I posted, I thought I was overreacting and overthinking it, but now I know my feelings are valid," she said that the comments the various internet users wrote gave her some much-needed clarity.
"A lot of people opened up about similar experiences with partners which made me feel less alone. My initial reaction to the workout plan was honestly just disappointment as I felt betrayed by my own boyfriend. Of course, I felt a little insecure, too."
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about how the OP's ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, 'Elle,' supported her during this tough time.
"After Elle sent the screenshots, she told me I can always talk to her if I need it. We went out for a coffee and she comforted me and told me about questionable things Alex had said to her while they dated which made me feel less alone and like she truly understood me," u/Cool-Minimum-5189 praised 'Elle' for how she handled everything.
According to the author of the story, it's important to be transparent with each other from the very beginning of the romantic relationship. This helps build a stable foundation for the future.
"It’s also important that you both feel comfortable to talk to each other when something doesn’t feel right. A lot of communication within relationships often ends in a fight which most likely means that both parties will feel less comfortable with communicating about feelings again. Compromising is also the key so both parts feel satisfied," she said.
Knowing that your partner constantly compares you to their exes can erode a lot of your confidence
Image credits: Leah Kelley (not the actual photo)
The issue isn’t that the OP’s (now ex) boyfriend wanted her to work out. It’s that he tried to pressure her to do so in a roundabout way, in order to get her to look like his ex-girlfriend. It shows that he’s dissatisfied with how u/Cool-Minimum-5189 looked and constantly compared her to his former partner.
If someone constantly compares their current partner with their ex(es), they might still have some unresolved issues with those relationships. They need closure.
Obviously, nobody is perfect. We all have pros and cons. It’s important to see your new partner as an individual and focus on their personal traits, without wishing that they were more X and less Y, like people A, B, and C whom you dated in the past. Then, take the time to invest in your new relationship on its own merits, not as an extension of your former dating life.
On top of that, there’s another problem to consider in the OP’s story: the lack of communication. Every healthy relationship is built upon trust and respect. That means being open and honest with each other about the things that affect them.
For instance, if your partner is always ill and you’re genuinely concerned about their health, it’s natural to want them to live a more healthy and active life. However, if you’re dissatisfied with their body type or no longer feel attracted to them, it’s an issue that you need to talk about face-to-face, instead of trying to convince them to change everything about themselves.
Then, you either manage to work through the issue, decide to respectfully break up, or seek the help of a couple’s counselor to help mediate the entire situation.
Nobody can force you to exercise in a certain way. How you approach fitness is entirely up to you
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Physical fitness is incredibly important for people’s health, happiness, longevity, and mental health. However, each individual needs to decide for themselves what their workouts will look like, how intense they’ll be, how long they’ll last, etc.
Having someone else decide for you means that you’re losing the freedom to choose the activities that you enjoy. And, after all, who knows what kind of movement your body needs the most if not you
A core part of embracing fitness as a lifestyle comes down to loving what you do. Some might enjoy doing cardio or pilates or lifting weights at the gym. Others prefer hiking or jogging outdoors. Or playing tennis. Or swimming! No matter what you do, you have to enjoy the activity and have a goal in mind.
If someone’s pressuring you to work out in a way that you hate, for a goal that’s completely alien to you, you won’t have any motivation at all. If someone’s moving behind your back, trying to find ways to get you to change in ways that you don’t want, it’s going to erode trust.
At the end of the day, mutual attraction is vital to any romantic relationship. If the spark is gone, it’s important to reignite it, whether by coming up with new ideas for dates or pretending that you’re freshly dating one another. But sneaky workout plans made by your ex aren’t the way to go about it.
Many internet users were incredibly supportive of the author. Here's how some readers reacted to the story
