Nobody should ever find themselves stuck in a toxic relationship that sucks out their very soul. You deserve happiness, emotional fulfilment, and stability, and should settle for nothing less. But that’s easier said than done. Getting away from a manipulative, violent partner is incredibly difficult and scary.
Internet user u/AlexisDrake1354 turned to the ‘Relationship Advice’ community for help with her parasitic boyfriend, who was in debt and asked her for a jaw-dropping sum of money for his Halloween costume. What turned out to be an argument over money soon evolved into something far more frightening.
Scroll down for the full story, including two very important updates. A note of warning, the story is intense and might trigger you if you’ve ever been in a violent relationship.
One woman, who felt stuck in a relationship with a parasite, shared how he tried to pressure her into taking out a massive personal loan under her name
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano/Pexels (not the actual photo)
What seemed at first to be a clear-cut argument about money actually turned out to be much more toxic and disturbing
Image credits: Ron Lach/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Nobody should have to be a victim of violence and manipulation at home. And yet, leaving this sort of relationship is far from easy. Escaping requires lots of careful planning
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
According to the author, her (now ex) boyfriend was in debt to the tune of around $5,000. Seeing as he was financially unreliable, he asked u/AlexisDrake1354 for a large personal loan in her name.
This was just the tip of the iceberg, however. The man was also unemployed, fully dependent on his girlfriend and the government financially, and dealing with a host of mental health issues.
On top of that, he was physically and emotionally violent, manipulative, and controlling toward his partner, trying to cheat on her, and threatening to brutally harm her and her loved ones.
In an update around a year after her original post online, the woman shared that after breaking up with her boyfriend, then getting back together, and the relationship falling apart, she is finally in a healthy situation.
“Please know I am happy, safe, and doing well now. I have regular therapy sessions and live away from my [violent] family and with friends who love and care for me, who have become like an adoptive family to me. Things are really well, and thank you for checking in,” she wrote in October 2024.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
To be very clear: leaving a toxic and violent relationship is incredibly difficult to do.
The Stepping Stones Crisis Society explains that things aren’t as simple as simply packing up your things and physically leaving your partner’s home.
Your partner might “have systems of control around you, you may feel guilty or blame yourself, have children involved, be physically threatened, or be financially controlled.”
Your priority should be your safety at all times. You are most at risk when you leave a toxic relationship, and for a long time afterward, so you have to plan ahead
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According to the organization, your safety is paramount. So, you have to ensure that you are protected not only when leaving the relationship, but afterward as well.
The Stepping Stones Crisis Society stresses that the majority of violence occurs after the survivor ends the relationship, and 18 months afterward.
Some of the steps that you can take to leave the relationship are the following:
- Communicate with a trusted, non-judgmental third party, like a friend, relative, coworker, or institution, so they can guide you and help you escape.
- Find safe areas in your home and outside, and avoid small spaces, so that you’re not cornered.
- Establish a safe communication line, like buying an emergency phone to call the authorities, using a safe computer for research (e.g., in public, at work, or at a friend’s home), and creating fake social media accounts, and avoid using credit and debit cards so your partner doesn’t have a record of your purchases.
- Know your partner’s red flags, triggers, and tendencies. Plan accordingly, and seize opportunities during periods of peace to leave permanently.
- Identify any surveillance and recording devices your partner may have set up. However, don’t disable them before making your escape because it will tip your partner off about your plans.
- Be ready to escape quickly and leave immediately. Have an escape bag with your documents, cash, emergency phone, contact list, medication, etc., and keep it at a trusted third party’s home.
- Memorize any important information, like phone numbers and addresses.
- Practice escaping so you know how to adjust your plan.
- Seek help from shelters and organizations after escaping to start a new life safely.
- Keep your new home location secret, change your routine, and consider getting a restraining order against your partner.
What do you think, Pandas? What advice would you give anyone who feels powerless and stuck in a truly toxic relationship? How can they get out? What would you do if you were the breadwinner and your partner suddenly asked for a massive loan for something frivolous? Let us know in the comments below.
The internet soon weighed in with some brutally honest advice
Soon afterward, the author shared an update about her toxic relationship
Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Marcial Comeron/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A year after her original post, the woman came back to share a massive update about how her life has changed
Image credits: Shukhrat Umarov/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AlexisDrake1354