Relationships,CouplesSEP 3, 2024

“I Was Like ‘What?’”: Woman Immediately Breaks Up With BF After Meeting His Girl Best Friend

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that women should have each other’s backs, right? Well, not everyone got that memo.

One woman on Reddit experienced this firsthand when she joined her boyfriend for dinner with his friends. She was excited to meet his circle, but things took a turn when she was introduced to his female best friend from college.

This ‘bestie’ quickly got a little too close for comfort and bragged about being the reason for all his past breakups. That was all it took for the woman to call it quits with her boyfriend right then and there.

The story shared by OP about feeling uneasy when you see your partner with a close friend of the opposite sex is probably something many can relate to. After all, it’s part of a debate that’s been around forever: can heterosexual men and women really just be friends?

In the grand scheme of things, friendships between men and women in countries like the U.S. are relatively new. It wasn’t until the feminist movement of the 1960s that they began to take off, as men and women started interacting more as equals in both social and work settings.

However, it took some time for these friendships to become more normalized. In 1985, sociologist Rebecca G. Adams from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro surveyed 70 senior women and discovered that less than 4 percent of their friends were men.

Fast forward to 2002, American Demographics magazine found that young adults aged 18-24 were nearly four times more likely than those over 55 to have a best friend of the opposite sex.

By 2012, research by psychologist April Bleske-Rechek at the University of Wisconsin–Eau Claire showed that nearly all college students had friends of the opposite sex.

But just how platonic are these friendships? According to Bleske-Rechek, the answer depends on whom you ask. Her team’s study revealed that men were generally more attracted to their female friends than the other way around, and often thought their female friends were attracted to them too.

Interestingly, men’s guesses about how much their female friends liked them romantically often had little to do with reality and more to do with their own feelings. Men assumed that if they felt something, their female friends must feel it too. On the other hand, women, who typically weren’t attracted to their male friends, assumed this lack of attraction was mutual.

Still, many psychologists believe that men and women can have opposite-sex friendships without them becoming a problem in their romantic relationships.

“With the research on platonic opposite sex relationships nearly non-existent, I can’t site facts and figures. I will say that in my years of couples counseling in San Diego and La Jolla, I’ve come to the conclusion men and women can be friends without a threat to the primary relationship,” says couples therapist Craig Lambert.

Lambert does add that for these friendships to work, transparency is key. He suggests being upfront about the nature of your friendship with your partner and being clear about any boundaries. It’s also a good idea to avoid too much physical contact with your opposite-sex friend—what might feel harmless to you could make your partner feel jealous.

And keep your deepest thoughts and feelings for your partner, not your friend. “Are you sharing your hopes, passions, dreams, and fears? Are they sharing theirs with you? Save the most meaningful conversations for your primary relationship.”

At the end of the day, being able to handle friendships with the opposite sex while in a romantic relationship comes down to good communication and mutual respect. It’s up to you to make it work.