Being helpful is, of course, a great trait in any person, because not everyone has a selfless nature. However, there are times when you have to be aware of whether someone really needs your help or not, for you may overstep in your attempt to help and just worsen things.
Just like the original poster’s (OP) boyfriend who took things too far while he kept offering to ‘help’ the poster’s blind sister-in-law. Annoyed by this constant nagging through the whole night, the poster’s brother kicked the guy out of the house!
The poster of this story mentions that her boyfriend Ryan has a tendency to be over-helpful towards people
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
When they got invited to her brother Paul's house for holiday dinner, the poster told Ryan that her sister-in-law Lily was blind, and to only help her if she asked
Image credits: u/Throwawayhelpfulbf
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
But throughout the whole night, he kept nagging Lily, telling her where things were or stopping her from chopping vegetables, and he didn't stop even when everyone asked him to
Image credits: u/Throwawayhelpfulbf
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
Lily was playing a game with her kids of guessing an object, she was purposely giving ridiculous answers, and Ryan corrected her twice knowing the rules, Paul had enough and threw him out
Image credits: u/Throwawayhelpfulbf
Ryan even had the audacity to be angry with the poster for not backing him up when her brother was "overreacting"
In today’s story, Reddit user Throwawayhelpfulbf, tells us how her boyfriend, Ryan, tries to be over-helpful toward people. One day, they got an invitation for a holiday dinner at her brother, Paul’s house. She told Ryan that her sister-in-law Lily, was legally blind and he should only help her if she needed it.
But after reaching the house, he didn’t heed her advice, rather kept on nagging Lily, telling her where things were in the house. Lily and Paul told him that it was unnecessary, but Ryan just kept on pushing things. Especially when Lily wanted to chop vegetables, he just wouldn’t let her, saying that he would do it so that she wouldn’t hurt herself.
Again, the couple asked him to stop, and although he did, he kept hovering around while she chopped the vegetables. The poster sensed that things were a little heated so she pulled Ryan away and again repeated what she had told him before about only helping Lily if she asked for it. He agreed with reluctance.
But things just escalated after dinner. Lily and her daughters played a game where they would hand something to Lily and ask her to guess what it was. And it was their thing where Lily would guess something outrageous as they had fun. But our fellow, Ryan, couldn’t just let this be.
When she guessed something wrong, he went and corrected her, even after knowing that she was doing it for fun. This frustrated Paul so much that he just told Ryan to leave immediately, stating that he couldn’t respect Lily. Ryan replied that he was just trying to be “helpful”. But Paul had simply had enough and stressed that he had to leave.
Now, that’s not all, folks! There’s more Ryan drama left. Because after the couple left or was kicked out of the house, the boyfriend was angry that his girlfriend had not backed him up when her brother was “overreacting”. Yup, definitely a shocker, this man! Probably feeling confused, the poster vented online and asked the Redditors whether she was wrong for not standing up for Ryan.
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich (not the actual photo)
And boy oh boy, the netizens had a LOT to say about Ryan and his “helpful” behavior! They said that his behavior was simply condescending towards Lily and he had no right to get angry when he reaped the actions for what he sowed. Paul’s anger was justified as Ryan's condescending attitude made it pretty clear that he disrespected Lily.
According to The Berkeley Well-Being Institute, “Condescending behavior involves talking down to others, patronizing them, or expressing a sense of superiority. It can be intentional or unintentional, but it always has the effect of making the other person feel small, stupid, or insignificant.”
Our heart goes out to Lily because Ryan’s behavior might have had an adverse effect on her. People said that having a random man disrupt a child’s game with their mother in this manner was unjustifiable. They said that Lily must have felt humiliated to be treated this way in front of her daughters and according to them, Ryan was an ableist just pretending to be helpful.
The American Psychological Association mentions, “Ableism is a prejudice and discrimination aimed at disabled people, often with a patronizing desire to “cure” their disability and make them “normal”. Ableism, either subtly or directly, portrays individuals who are being defined by their disabilities as inherently inferior to nondisabled people.”
And it sure seems like Ryan was trying to “cure” Lily rather than help her. It has been observed that ableism negatively affects the mental health of disabled people. So, it was better that Ryan was kicked out before he could cause any further damage due to his superhero complex.
Some people said that OP shouldn’t even contemplate standing up for him, rather, she should’ve stopped him when he started nagging in the first place. She should’ve also stressed how his lack of understanding of boundaries was showing utter disrespect towards Lily. Some peeps even said that she needed to dump him because of his red flags fluttering in the air!
Well, that was from their side, but we want to know your side. Would you also throw out a Ryan if stuck in a similar situation? Feel free to pour out your thoughts in the comments!
Netizens said that Ryan was a condescending and ableist man who got what he deserved for trying to play out his superhero complex
