A healthy relationship is supposed to help you grow and shape you into the best version of yourself. Both partners share love, respect, and want what’s best for each other. On the flip side, a toxic relationship can cause massive damage to a person’s self-esteem and self-worth.
A woman had this sudden realization after she overheard the way her boyfriend was speaking about her to his best friend. He had let his guard down and was sharing his unfiltered thoughts about her; she wasn’t ready for the bombshell he dropped.
More info: Reddit
Boyfriend gloats to friend that he manipulates his attractive girlfriend and fuels her insecurities so that she keeps doing his bidding
Image credits: Matheus Bertelli (not the actual photo)
Woman attended a party with her boyfriend, after hanging out with friends, she went to look for him and found him talking to his best friend about her, so she tried to overhear them
Image credits: Donovan Grabowski (not the actual photo)
Boyfriend's friend asked him how he bagged the poster, he said that he makes sure she feels insecure and doesn’t become too confident, or else it wouldn’t work out
Image credits: Alina Chernii (not the actual photo)
When his friend called him out on his behavior, the guy said that intimacy with hot, insecure women is great because they’ll do anything to please
Image credits: u/anonymous
The woman was speechless after hearing what her boyfriend said about her and the lengths he went to manipulate her, so she broke up with him through text the next day
The problem with the boyfriend’s behavior is that he did not seem ashamed of the horrible manipulation tactics he used on his girlfriend. It also seems like he had been playing on her insecurities for the entire duration of their relationship so that she would stay with him and do whatever he wanted. Verywell Mind states that toxic partners “might also be trying to change or wear down a partner in an effort to have their own needs met.” The boyfriend was doing that and even bragged about it to his friend.
Emotional manipulators want to create an imbalance of power and take advantage of the other person. This can happen in casual relationships, but more often than not, it happens between very close people. These subtle tricks that they play can slowly chip away at a person’s confidence, just as it was happening to the poster. The smug boyfriend told his friend that he wanted his girlfriend to remain insecure and as a result, not recognize her beauty or that she’s a catch.
To understand how such manipulation can affect a person’s self-confidence and their relationship, Bored Panda interviewed Shikah Anuar. She used to work as a counselor with a government ministry in Singapore. Now, she uses her counseling skills to create workbooks and workshops for life coaches. She mentioned that “when someone lacks confidence, they will have fear expressing their genuine wants, their preferences and are even likely to be fearful sharing their long-term goals and ambitions.”
“Some women or men let this happen because they value being in a relationship more highly than having the freedom to live life their way. I would say that people who enjoy having low-confidence partners have great insecurities. They may like being in control and being hyper-controlling is a symptom of past trauma, such as childhood trauma,” Shikah added.
We also reached out to Sean Smith, an international speaker, life coach, author, poet, and creator with nearly 20 years in personal development and over a million views on his YouTube channel. He said that “many people do in fact prey on insecurities, but not intentionally. Their unconscious wounds are attracted to their partner's unconscious wounds. If that's the case, open discussion about the patterns and sharing with your partner how it makes you feel, without projecting blame onto them, is a great place to start.”
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
In this unique case, the woman chanced upon her boyfriend and his friend chatting about her. She was lucky to hear him share his unfiltered thoughts; otherwise, she’d have never realized what tricks he was playing on her. The poster decided to end the relationship and did not want to explain anything to her scumbag boyfriend. It’s good that she didn’t because if she had given him a chance to explain, he probably would have dismissed her concerns and gaslit her.
Shikah also agreed with the author's actions and said: “Naturally, the first thing we would advise someone who is in an unhealthy relationship is to walk away from it. But people with low confidence are likely to be fearful of breaking off relationships as they may not feel confident of being on their own, or they feel that they are not deserving to be in happier, healthier relationships.”
She shared a few important questions that people could ask themselves if they suspect or learn that their partner enjoys preying on their insecurities. They include:
- “Is it worth it to sacrifice my wants for the sake of this unhealthy and presumably unfulfilling relationship?
- What will my life look like 5 years from today if I continue allowing my partner to take advantage of my low confidence?
- Why do I allow my partner to take advantage of me like that?
- What am I scared of?
- Am I okay to continue living this way or do I want a fresh start?
- If I want a fresh start, what are some small steps I can take to express my assertive side to my partner?”
Sean also added, “I think most people struggle in relationships because they don't truly know what kind of partner they are looking for to complement, not complete, them. This is because most people don't truly know themselves well enough. Knowing yourself comes from personal development work, introspection, life coaching, therapy, etc. It takes intentional work, usually isn't quick or easy, but it's worth it for people who want to get to know themselves underneath all of our artificial beliefs and identities.”
Not everybody might be as brave as the poster and immediately break away from a toxic partner. Some people need help and to look inward. Netizens were disgusted by the man’s behavior, and the post blew up with over 1.8k comments bashing the guy and 7.4k upvotes. What would you have done if you were the guy’s BFF and heard him say all that stuff?
People were glad that the woman broke up with her boyfriend and said that she definitely dodged a bullet
