Moving in with your partner can test any relationship. Even if it’s been all sunshine and rainbows up until this point, things become serious when you start to see one another’s living habits up close. Do they leave dishes in the sink overnight? Do they remember to put the toilet seat down? How long do they spend in the shower? Finding out all of their quirks can make or break your relationship.
But it’s also important to be aware of any red flags that might arise after moving in together. One woman reached out to Reddit for advice after she noticed that, since moving in with her boyfriend, many of her things started disappearing. Below, you’ll find the full story that she posted online, as well as some of the replies concerned readers left her.
This woman was excited to move in with her boyfriend
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato (not the actual photo)
But when she noticed that her things kept disappearing, she began to question her entire relationship
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Image credits: mymindisinborabora
Later, the author responded to several readers and shared more details
Readers were extremely concerned about the boyfriend's behavior, and many shared advice for the author
The woman then shared an update on her situation
Image credits: Meg Aghamyan/Unsplash(not the actual photo)
Readers applauded the author for prioritizing her safety, and some encouraged her to keep records of everything
Finally, the woman shared another update on how the breakup was going
Image credits: DragonImages/Envato (not the actual photo)
There are many factors for couples to consider before moving in together
Deciding to move in together is a huge step for a couple to make in their relationship. It means that they’re ready to make a serious commitment and that they see a future together. But when a couple feels ready to do so depends on many factors.
According to a survey by The Knot, over a quarter of unmarried couples choose to move in together when they’ve been dating for less than six months. Meanwhile, 35% decide it’s time to start living together between six months and 11 months of dating. And over one-third of couples who are now married said they waited one to two years before getting a place together.
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When it comes to knowing that it’s time to take the leap, The Knot notes that it’s important for the relationship to be on solid ground. If both partners feel comfortable sharing and problem-solving together, and they’ve discussed the future, they might be ready to go apartment hunting.
But moving in together too quickly can sabotage a relationship, so it’s important that the couple takes this decision seriously. Therapists warned Mind Body Green that a solid foundation is necessary before starting to live together, as it will inevitably lead to some arguments and challenges. If the couple hasn’t learned how to work through issues yet, this might cause the entire relationship to crumble.
Some signs that it’s probably not a good idea to start sharing a living space are if you feel pressured by your partner to do so, if you’re only doing it for practical or financial reasons, or if you’re doing so in an attempt to save the relationship. It’s also crucial for both partners to trust one another before deciding to take this next step.
Gaslighting can be detrimental to a person's well-being
Thankfully, the author of this story picked up on her boyfriend’s red flags immediately after moving in. Staying in a toxic relationship like this can be detrimental to a person’s well-being, especially if it involves gaslighting.
Gaslighting occurs in relationships when one person repeatedly attempts to distort their partner’s reality by denying facts, the situation around them, or their partner’s feelings and needs, The Learning Network notes. This is a coercive control tactic used to shift the victim’s focus from their partner’s behavior to their perceived emotional and psychological instability.
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Gaslighters often tell their partner that they’re overreacting, that they need help, that they need to calm down or lighten up, that they’re twisting their words, or that they’re imagining things. They will trivialize issues, make up lies, distort reality, and do anything they can to change the narrative.
This can take a serious toll on survivors. They might feel confused and disoriented, lose confidence in themselves, stay in toxic relationships longer than they should, doubt themselves and assume that they’re paranoid, experience anxiety and depression, and lose their sense of self or freedom.
Survivors need to understand that they are not the problem and that they deserve better. If you have concerns that you’re being gaslit, The Learning Network recommends confiding in someone you trust who will validate your experiences and feelings. Removing yourself from the situation as soon as possible is the best thing you can do.
Again, readers shared concern for the author's safety, and some weighed in with advice
