Nobody wants their relationship to be based on a lie, but sometimes, that’s exactly what happens. Insecure folks catfish prospective romantic partners by making themselves seem cooler, smarter, or richer than they are. The only problem is they don’t consider how the lie will play out if they start dating the other person.
This is the exact situation a man found himself in after constructing an elaborate lie about his job. Unfortunately, his girlfriend figured things out after accidentally turning up at his real workplace.
Telling your partner lies about a big part of your life is a situation that hardly ever ends well
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The 24-year-old poster shared that she began dating her boyfriend after meeting him on an app three months back, and he told her that he was an Ivy League doctor
Image credits: Mike Mozart / Flickr (not the actual photo)
Although he didn’t spend a lot of money on her, the relationship was going well until she caught him working at a Taco Bell and realized he lied about his job
Image credits: Inside-Camp4009
Image credits: Daria Nepriakhina 🇺🇦 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
In an update post, the woman said that her 32-year-old boyfriend had lied about his job as an experiment to see if having a prestigious job would affect his “success on the app”
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Eventually, after discussing the matter with the guy, the poster decided not to continue their relationship but still remain “friends with benefits” and hang out as usual
The poster’s ex-boyfriend is a 32-year-old man who decided to reel more women in by lying about his education. Saying that he had a job as a doctor definitely improved his dating prospects. Although he said he didn’t want to start a relationship based on a lie, he still strung this poor woman along for 3 whole months.
It’s basic knowledge that humans tell lies. Surveys have also found that around 73% of people who’ve been in a relationship for a year have lied to their partner to keep their bond afloat. To understand how lying impacts a couple’s connection, Bored Panda contacted Gabriel Arroyo.
He is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of California. He has been practicing for over 10 years, specializing in marriage and couples' issues. Within his practice, Soaring Families Counseling Inc., Gabriel focuses on helping couples grow in their communication, trust, and intimacy to build a healthy and lasting relationship.
The poster had asked if she should forgive the man for lying to her. So, we put this question to Gabriel, who stated that “there is always hope to accomplish and rebuild a relationship if both parties are willing and committed. I, both personally and professionally, believe that trust and communication are part of the essential baseline for any relationship to succeed.”
“In this scenario, there is a significant violation of trust. It is important for couples to understand that they don’t need to ‘agree’ with the lie or infraction, but in order to move forward we do have to accept that it happened and try to come to an understanding. From there we focus on how to rebuild strong communication to reduce and eliminate any need for lying ever again.”
“If the rationale were, say, fear of acceptance, we would then focus on ensuring that there is transparency on all elements and how to reinforce acceptance mutually regardless of the information disclosed. Ultimately it is up to the couple on where this infraction and deceit lies within their value system,” Gabriel explained.
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The woman was definitely hurt that her boyfriend could have kept up a lie for so long. She knew she couldn’t continue dating him, but she still wanted to hold onto the bond. So, they decided to be friends with benefits instead–a decision that most netizens were salty about.
If the pair wanted to salvage their relationship, we asked Gabriel what kind of therapeutic work they could have done. He said, “When working with couples to rebuild trust and communication, we start off with the basics. Transparency is key as this will allow all parties to feel heard and rebuild trust. We start with all things, big and small.”
“An area to focus on with transparency is the big question of ‘why.’ Why did the person lie, and ‘how’ will we trust them again? In my practice I try and help the couples understand that the ‘why’ won’t help every time, but it does help to be transparent by showing some vulnerability as to why they did what they did.”
“It is up to them if they can fit the pieces together to come up with a ‘how’ as a team based on how valuable the relationship is to them and how much work they are dedicating to committing to it. In my practice, I have seen situations like this unfold that have been resolved with regular sessions, full commitment, and dedication with continual exercise application to rebuild the relationship from the ground up,” he added.
In most serious relationships, both partners would have probably put in a lot of effort to work things out. The woman obviously didn’t want to take the hard route and resolve the situation, but she also didn’t want to lose her connection with the guy. So, she decided to take the middle ground.
How would you have handled the situation if you were in her position?
Folks were disappointed with the poster’s decision to stay “friends with benefits” with a man who used the old “experiment” excuse to weasel out of his lies
