All romantic relationships go through their rough patches, but sometimes things get too rocky to keep going. Without mutual respect for each other, things can go off the rails pretty fast, so clear communication is key to navigating the winding trail of a couple’s love.
A woman recently turned to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk for telling her BF she needs a break after he once again disrespected her and her kids. Despite being abundantly clear with her boyfriend of two years about a simple laundry rule, the last straw was when he once again ignored her pleas to not use her kids’ towels - especially for cleaning up the yucky things that he was.
More info: Reddit
The post’s author had reached the end of her tether, so she decided to take to Reddit to find out if she’s the jerk for demanding a break from her disrespectful BF
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
Her BF of two years started staying over more often, getting into the bad habit of using her kids’ towels to clean up gross fluids after the couple had been intimate
The author repeatedly asked her BF not to use her kids’ towels as sweat rags, even buying him his own towel, but his disrespectful behavior didn’t stop
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
GF could only do her laundry once weekly, so she thought she was being reasonable by asking her BF to respect her wishes, but that didn’t stop him
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
It was the final straw when her BF broke the rules once again, leading to her telling him they needed a break since clearly, he has no respect for other people’s things
Sometimes what seems like no big deal to one person can be hugely triggering for another. Reddit user u/Cool_Guess2861 recently found herself in this situation when her BF of two years started staying over at her and her kids’ house more often. While he gets along well with her kids, he has an annoying habit of using their towels to clean up whenever the couple is done being intimate.
OP’s frustration stems from the fact that she and her kids only have one towel each, and she can only get around to doing laundry once a week on a Sunday at a laundromat 35 minutes away. This is her only option, since her lease agreement doesn’t allow for a washer/dryer and her work schedule keeps her busy the rest of the time.
Despite asking her BF many times over not to use her kids’ towels to clean up after the couple has been intimate or to soak up the water he spills after stepping out of the shower, he still continued with this disrespectful behavior. He claims it’s a force of habit since it’s always been the way he cleans up at his place for the last 15 years. He also blamed his ADHD, which created a backlash reaction among netizens who replied to OP’s post.
While he would apologize, his behavior wouldn’t change, which became especially annoying for the busy mom of three. She even went so far as to tell him that if he used her kids’ towels again, they were done. The BF reacted by saying, “Maybe it’s time you get more than one towel per person,” which infuriated OP.
Then things seemed to settle down for a while, with the BF staying away from the kids’ and GF’s towels. That is until one morning, when things got particularly messy, resulting in the BF panicking and grabbing the oldest son’s towel to clean up. OP thought he had grabbed his own towel, especially since he’d mentioned he had to do his own laundry anyway, but when the lights turned on, she saw that wasn’t the case.
This forced OP to have to do the laundry again, and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. OP accused her BF of having no respect for her and put her foot down, demanding a break. Her BF responded by saying he doesn’t think it’s a big deal and that she’s “acting ridiculous over a towel.” OP turned to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk in this mess.
Based on OP’s post, it seems like her BF is crossing a boundary she’s been extremely clear about. She even went as far as setting an ultimatum, which the BF simply disregarded.
In her blog post on Psychology Today, licensed clinical social worker Leah Aguirre says, “Setting or establishing a boundary is one thing, reinforcing it is another. When you set a boundary, prepare to reinforce it, and follow through with the stated consequence (if necessary).”
Aguirre goes on to say, “Many people avoid setting boundaries (or reinforcing them) due to pushback or lack of understanding from the other party. It’s common to worry about how the other person might interpret the boundary or feel. Some people will backtrack and “take back” the boundary or simply not follow through with the boundary.”
Aguirre suggests going back to your “why” or intent, which will make you feel more confident and grounded in your decision in setting the boundary.
She also recommends using positive self-talk statements such as, “I am setting a boundary because it is good for my mental health” or, “I deserve to prioritize my needs and what is best for my well-being."
Image credits: Ekaterina Belinskaya (not the actual photo)
In an article for Forbes, American psychologist Mark Travers Ph.D. highlights ‘Boundaries For Shared Responsibilities’ in his list of three boundaries that make modern relationships work.
He says an unequal distribution of domestic labor within relationships can significantly contribute to feelings of disconnection between partners.
Research shows that, despite efforts to promote gender equality in housework as a means of enhancing well-being, many couples find themselves trapped in what is termed “housework resignation.”
This phenomenon is characterized by a cycle wherein traditional gender practices in housework lead to heightened stress levels and diminished well-being for both women and men.
Travers says, “The ramifications of an unequal division of domestic labor apply beyond individual well-being to the broader health of the relationship. When one partner shoulders a disproportionate amount of household responsibilities, feelings of resentment, frustration and disconnect can arise.”
He goes on to say, “This imbalance undermines the sense of teamwork and support that is essential for a healthy relationship. Moreover, it can lead to a breakdown in communication and emotional intimacy as partners become increasingly disconnected from each other’s experiences and needs.”
Since OP’s post hit Reddit, a wave of users has weighed in, almost all blaming the BF and many saying she’s definitely not the jerk in this situation. Quite a few Redditors expressed concern about the ick factor for the kids, with some even wondering if there was a more sinister motivation behind the BF’s actions.
In the most upvoted response, one user says, “This is an ongoing issue, he knows what he’s doing. Drop this loser like a dirty towel on the bathroom floor sis. He sucks.”
All things considered; it does seem like OP is in the right in this messy situation. Hopefully she’ll stick to her guns and give him and his weird and gross behavior the boot for good.
In the comments, Redditors assured her that she wasn’t being a jerk and agreed that the BF needed to go for his constant disrespect and bad behavior
